Dating : You have no right to complain about being single/people being shallow if your dating profile is full of old/misleading pics
It’s hilarious how often this happens with both girls and guys. You match with someone on whatever app/site you’re using, agree to meet up, and then they show up looking little like the actual person you matched with. Then you realize they’ve been using pics from years ago, pics that have been angled/filtered a certain way, etc
I’ve seen so many of these people complain that there’s unfair standards, that everyone else is shallow and places too much emphasis on looks, whatever. And they’re completely missing the point: you being 20 pounds heavier than in the past isn’t the issue, it’s the fact that you had to lie and deceive someone into meeting you that’s the problem. It also screams insecurity. If you’re lying from the get-go the relationship, assuming it happens, will be toxic. Unless the other person is desperate and happy with anyone
Worried that people won’t be attracted to you because you’ve gained weight? Stop manipulating them on your profile and put that effort into actually going to the gym and eating healthier. Until then, don’t complain that nobody wants to date you. It’s your own doing
Can you still complain if you put work into improving your appearance but still get no matches online ?
I’m gonna probably sound a bit smug or cocky here, but I think I have the opposite issue, I think I look pretty good in person, but I suck at angles. Portraits of me, or pics other people take are pretty good, but selfies requires like a million tries to not look like a middle aged man’s Facebook profile pic.
I’ve had a few instances like this though, where I matched and then was disappointed, but I’ve also had a few where I was tepid in my eagerness but then pleasantly surprised.
Being an unattractive man myself, I still don’t understand people who think that it’s « shallow » to have physical attractiveness as a criterion for a partner. We’re not abstract, intangible thought beings, and our bodies are just as much a part of us as our minds.
Yeah, I can be frustrated at not having more success due to my lack of attractiveness, and that frustration is valid, but I never make it a moral condemnation of the person rejecting me. I don’t think poorly of them for rejecting me. I hate the game, not the player, I guess.
I don’t understand how people rationalize posting old photos. Are they delusional or deceitful? I spoke to a man who had had a long distance texting and phone relationship with an online dating woman. She decided to drive across three states to meet with him. There was great anticipation for both of them. She was going to stay a few days in a local hotel. She arrived and called him to meet her in the lobby of the hotel. He went there to connect with her but couldn’t find her. Finally, she called his name and he was astonished because she was a good 50 pounds heavier and appeared much older. He couldn’t disguise his shock. She invited him to her room apparently thinking that sex with her would make everything all right. Disgusted, he left. Who gained from that situation? I’m sure the gentleman was highly insulted and angry by the betrayal. That’s the inevitable outcome when people try to deceive others, as well as themselves.
I resonate with this a lot. Sad to say a significant fraction of men I’ve met in person are significantly different from their pictures. It’s also kind of insulting how the person will casually carry on as if there’s no problem with the discrepancy after the fact. It’s very difficult to overlook that you’re essentially defrauding your date, and no, your charisma and quirky personality is not likely to make the person overlook this issue.
100% agree; you’re wasting the time/effort of both you and the person you’re baiting with false pics/info. It’s like lying on your resume to nab a job interview. Once you get to the first technical screening, you’ll get completely exposed and you’ll do yourself and the other party no favors. Not to mention, you might even get black flagged by having your profile reported after all that.
Something that really annoys me is people who post pictures of themselves as young adults. Why? They don’t look like that anymore. So, so what? Or pictures of themselves as children. WTF? Weren’t we all cute at five years old? What’s the point? Are they trying to say, « see how cute/handsome I used to be? » As if that would influence anyone now. I hate that. Can’t people just be honest with themselves? If they don’t like the way they look, can’t they try to do something about it? Lose weight, get a decent haircut? Whiten their teeth? IDK. It complicates a difficult situation even further.
I can absolutely relate to this. Even if the date turns out ok overall, don’t you feel stupid and played?
To a point. There’s a difference between outright lying and using old photos. I personally use a mix: half new, half old. The reason my old ones are on there is I was at a cool place like the tropics or it was a good pic with someone I care about. Admittedly I have used one or two for vanity’s sake (awesome headshot, me at my skinniest), but the way I look at it is as long as there isn’t a HUGE discrepancy no harm done. Yes, I can be heavier than my skinniest. No, I’ll never completely look like my best headshot all the time. But they ARE me, and newer photos are there to show I’ve aged, don’t always look like a model, have a beer gut, etc.; if you feel misled, you tricked yourself. I always get additional photos when I’m worried, or skip them all together. It’s supposed to be personality first, but no biggie if things don’t work out. As long as I’m attracted to them and like who they are, extra weight and non-flattering angles are part of it. We’ll almost all be fat and old some day anyway
This is such a big problem, happened to me many times.
To combat this, with my latest round I put in my bio, throwing up my latest pics, not my best pics, and put up my 5 most recent pictures. They are terrible, but I don’t ever want to see thst look off disappointment on someone’s face bc I don’t look like my pictures. Side bonus, hopefully I look better in person haha
That’s why I always add people on instagram. It goes both ways–I can see their newest pics and they can see mine.
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You don’t realize the guys you like are lying to you from the start. You just don’t realize it. You find it out in the end though.
This is why I purposefully update at least one of my photos when I take a new one. I think the only old ones is from Halloween last year and that was because it’s the only full body pic I have and I haven’t changed shape at all.
This is just one aspect of an issue faced by so many people. Among thousands of other reasons
Yep. That’s why 1 body pic is a must and all close-up shots of their face is a red flag.
This has happened way to many times that’s why I don’t date.
What exactly counts as « old » to most people?
I’m one of those with old pictures, last ones I took were in February and I have them as WhatsApp and Telegram profile pictures.
I don’t like taking pictures with my phone, I really don’t like the fact you do look a bit different depending on the phone you use. It’s like they have some auto adjusting thing that doesn’t turn off even when you turn it off.
Have you ever tried looking at your front camera? On most phones (Huawei especially) you are going to look weird if you put part of your face on the sides. Like there’s some sort of a fish eye effect, a distortion.
I used to take many pictures but now (mostly cause of my new phone filtering the shit out of anything, even my cat) I feel so bad about them.
I just stopped using dating apps or wanting to meet people online. I know it’s unfair showing old or filtered pictures so I started hitting on guys I like irl (I’m 23) and it went waaaay better than how it used to be online.
In no time I got myself a boyfriend who doesn’t like taking pictures/socials/dating apps either and I must say it’s so nice to start a relationship in « the old ways ». Dating apps just made me feel like a product being sold on Amazon or something.
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