Dating : I’m (F/20) kind of sick of being forever single
I never thought I’d be this desperate to write this but here we are. I’ve barely had any dating experience in the past 20 years. I’m still a virgin. For the past 5 years I have a strategy to tell myself stuff like ‘it happens when it happens’ and that ‘I can’t force it’ blahblah and it has worked quite well so that I never felt too bad about it until recently. I’m honestly a 100% happy person. I’m happy with my life, my hobbies, my friends and my career and I’m a confident and open person who generally doesn’t have a problem to talk to new people. BUT DAMN it’s been 20 years and I want to sleep while someone is big spooning cuddling me. Or yeah maybe do other things too with them in bed. I want to watch movies together and talk about the universe and conspiracy theories until 2a.m. in the morning. I want to get drunk with them and laugh about stupid stuff until our stomachs hurts. I want someone to text me as soon as they get off work because they thought about me throughout the day. But no one texts me or does any of the other things.
Yeah, that’s as honest as I can get. I know it sounds soooo desperate and I’m not supposed to write like that because society doesn’t like it but fuck it – I am desperate and I feel lonely.
So I need some advice on meeting guys and how to go about this. I don’t even know where to meet people… Sometimes I practise flirting with some random dudes so that I’m prepared for the real deal when it’s time but that’s it. I just don’t go out that often as others in their 20s and when I do it’s not like that I sit in a café with my friends and some guy comes over to get my number… because that only happens in movies, right? When I go clubbing people are in groups and drunk. There aren’t any good guys in my uni. I mean I can’t just go up to a guy on the street so where the fuck do people meet other people hahah. Dating apps are for me personally kind of the 100% desperate last option and I want to treat dating apps like the pants in the back of my closet that are some sizes too big – you’re glad they’re there but you hope you’ll never need them. Not judging people who do dating apps btw! Honestly, maybe I’m also just scared that if I use this very last option and I still don’t find anyone I might loose hope forever…
I’m thankful for any advice, heads-up and experiences from you! 🙂
(btw this is not an invitation to slide into my dms… I would want bf living close to me)
Wow, you and I feel the exact same way. I’m 29, M, barely dated two girls, and still a virgin and I was just randomly online to see if anyone felt like how I feel today, so lonely and sad about being currently single. Growing up when I was really unpopular at school, teachers and my family kept telling me things like « it’ll get better, what others say doesn’t matter, you’ll grow up to be a handsome stud and girls will want you, etc. » Well guess what, life still sucks for me, and to make it worse, those who were mean to me and mistreated me went on to good lives. Life’s not a movie, not everyone who deserves to win do. Yea, I want all you want too, you’re not alone, but no you don’t sound desperate.
My advice, most guys these days(especially me)hope girls they come across will « make the first move » when they get the confirmation that they’re interested, they relax more and talking to them gets easier. That’s how I feel anyway. I think flirting is hard because I always feel like the girls aren’t interested and I’m bothering them, so if I had an indication that they wanted to talk to me, I’d be able to properly talk with them. You can meet guys at a lot of places gyms, stores, movies, casinos, bars, libraries. Those are the places I go, and I always hope I run into a pretty girl while I’m there.
Using dating apps is nothing to be ashamed of. It worked for my sister and her now husband. But yea, I’ve used them and haven’t gotten much attention and I feel worse about myself so you’re right about that, but it never hurts to try them even once.
Keep your head up, it’ll happen. If anything, I envy girls because what we all seek basically gets handed to them while we guys have to fight for what we want, and I’m tired of fighting and losing. There’s plenty of time for love and…you know what, it’ll come.
People are saying stuff like “you’re 20! It’s finnne” but I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’m 18 myself and I feel that way too, especially these past few months. While I know it’s true that it will happen with time it doesn’t make the current situation any better. Personally I’ve been just trying to keep myself busy and social with day to day life to try and distract myself.
If you find any other solution please let me know lol but for now I’d recommend just keeping busy. Then at least you won’t loose your mind thinking about it
« There are no good guys at your uni »
sounds like you’re just pickier than you can afford to be
I’m mean, if you’re in uni then that’s the best place to meet people. Try joining a society or something? Or maybe just try going out more. Clubbing most likely won’t introduce you to your future husband, but you’ll meet more and more people, and who knows maybe something will click with someone, also again since you’re at uni, every academic year 100s of new people are going to be in your town/city. So just keep that in mind. You’re only 20, you have plenty of time to find someone. Wish you the best of luck, hope it works out for you
Also yeah dating apps, but be prepared to shift through a lot of rough to find a diamond
Girl, you are TWENTY. You haven’t lived that long yet. Your 20’s are so fun!! You just arent confident in being single, to enjoy yourself, come and go, have fun. It will happen, the right person will come along. I’m only 29 but trust me. I had the best time ever when I was single, dont be afraid of being alone.
I’m married now and it’s still a total rollercoaster!
Have you tried hinge, bumble, tinder? Do you go out? Have friends? Involved in things that can lead to meeting new people? Do you work or are you in school! Girl desperation is not attractive, a man will run a million miles away from desperation
Honestly I can fully relate to what you said. 21 Male here. Society puts so much pressure on us, this and this needs to have happend before this age. To the point that it makes me desperate as well and that if I don’t do it before a certain age I woulr have missed out on things etc. The fact that most of if not all my friends have gf’s and lost their virginity doesn’t help either. But it’s life. We just have to puch forward. Try to grab as many chances and go for whatever oppertunity opens up.
Go to church.
I pretty much feel the same way. I’m 22, and have been attending my uni for 4 years, and I haven’t had a single date. I’ve made friends and I’ve had conversations all over the spectrum, but I’ve never really asked a girl out, mainly because I’m highly introverted, so I prefer the company of myself to others the majority of the time, but that doesn’t mean that I want to be alone my entire life. I want to meet someone that will rival my solitude for my comfort zone.
Don’t settle for a fuckup. I have seen too many girls with decent futures ruined because they got knocked up. Keep your standards high.
Buy yourself something nice.
gzus you’re just 20! Wish we could swap lives
You are just 20. Give it time.
So what you’re a virgin this is not a bad thing save it for the right person