Dating : I (23F) felt forced into sex by my date (27M) [NSFW & Trigger Warning]

Dating : I (23F) felt forced into sex by my date (27M) [NSFW & Trigger Warning]

This is a long story, but I think it’s really important to tell it all to get where everything went wrong.

Some backstory: I just moved to a new city at the beginning of this month, out of my parents’ house. Of course, I was super excited that I had my own place and that I could date again. I decided to download tinder and a few days later I was talking to a man who seemed relatively put together, successful, and sweet. Not only that, but he was vegetarian too which to me is a huge deal, because I love cooking for others and I can’t do that if someone doesn’t appreciate veggie dishes.

Date 1 (Wednesday): I asked him if he had time to grab a coffee and we agreed. I get there and he’s even more attractive in person than he seemed in his pictures. Immediately I was nervous, but I really enjoyed his company. There were some awkward pauses and breaks in conversation, but his life seemed so interesting and I did enjoy talking to him. English was not his first language, so sometimes I struggled to understand his accent. The date went well though, and we both went our separate ways afterwards. He texted me later that night and asked if I would like to see him again tomorrow, and that I was even prettier in person. At this point, I was flattered, and I agreed.

Date 2 (Thursday): He picked me up from my place and we went back to his place to watch a movie. His roommate was a third wheel basically the whole time, and we didn’t end up really getting to talk or do anything until his roommate fell asleep. He was so shy, and not pushy at all. Eventually, we ended up cuddling for a little while, and that eventually led to sex. It was refreshing honestly that he asked me to spend the night, since I’m not used to staying over. I agreed, and that was that. Red flag 1: He wasn’t letting me sleep, because he kept being super touchy. I kinda just brushed this off as him liking me.

Date 3 (Friday): He asked me if I would be down to go out to the bars with him and his roommate. He bought me dinner and I ate it at his place as he was getting ready to go out. He would be the driver for the night, and he swore he wouldn’t drink that much. I had fun at the bars, although he was disappointed that I didn’t want to dance. He took me to a very popular country bar though, and I reallyyy didn’t like the music. I did have several more drinks than he did, but he wasn’t really staying very sober either. Red flag 2: He asked me if I was busy next week, and I said I was because I was starting my new teaching job. He wanted to know if I wanted to go to the east coast with him (where his family is), and I got a little freaked out by how fast that seemed.
Eventually, his roommate said he would be ok to drive, since he was apparently sober enough. And I kept asking “Are you sure?” And he kept saying “Don’t you trust me?” The more times he said that, the more uneasy I became. I was getting tired.
We eventually made it back to his place and we had sex but I had to stop before he finished because I was too tired. I stood up, and he told me to come over to him. He grabs my waist and tells me, “You need to lose this.” in reference to the weight on my waist. I am almost 5’5” and 135 pounds. I’m not small but I am DEFINITELY not anywhere near overweight. I got really offended, and I would have been offended regardless of being sober or drunk. He tells me I’m crazy. Then he realizes that insulting me isn’t going to lead to more sex, so he starts telling me he was joking and that he likes me just the way I am. I’m not having it, so I tell him I’m just going to sleep. At this point, I’m scared of him. I’m more drunk than he is, he felt bold enough to tell me to change my body, he’s already rushed the relationship to ask me to meet his family, and he is starting to get pushy about sex. He tells me as I was walking in the bedroom, “But I didn’t finish.” I huffed and laid down anyway. He comes into the room, starts touching me. I told him I’m too tired. He kept touching me, and I was too tired to keep arguing. I just let him have sex with me. I just laid there and let it happen. I pretended to enjoy it, so he wouldn’t get angry. When I try to put my clothes back on, he tries stopping me, and asks “What if I’m feeling it in the middle of the night?” I’m very creeped out, and very scared, but I stay there. I still put on my clutches. I didn’t have Uber on my phone. I was too drunk to even think of it as an option.

Saturday morning: At 8:30 am, I wake him up and ask him if I can go home. He said no, just give him another hour. He’s tired. 9:30, “No, just give me more time, I’m tired.” 10:30, I am very straightforward telling him I want to go home. I NEED to go home. I tell him I need to take my birth control pill and they are at home. He told me he could take me home if I make him coffee. I put on a survival face at this point and was really nice to him, saying maybe tomorrow morning I could make him breakfast. He ends up finally driving me home. I’m trying to act as normal as possible, and he holds my hand like nothing ever went wrong. Eventually I get home, I cried, told my friends a lot of the story, and sat there for a long time with no energy to do anything. Eventually I texted him that I didn’t think we were compatible, and he sent me a message about how he didn’t think I was going to be the type of girl to judge a person in only a few dates. He told me he tried treating me with respect. Then he told me not to worry about him. Eventually, hours later, he told me he would miss me.
I’m still shaking from the whole experience. I feel like I was so naive and trusting when I shouldn’t have been. I do know that I shouldn’t blame myself for what happened though.