Dating : Girl insisted that I pay after I asked for 2 bills
First time I post here! I have been dating for years and I felt like sharing my last exeprience!
I went out to a bar with a woman I met on tinder. Things were going great, we both were having a great time, lots of sparks in our eyes, touching each others hands, smiling, conversation was flowing. So after 5 hours of non stop talk, its getting late and we both have to catch the last subway. So I ask the barperson if we can get the bill. I ask for two of them.
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At this instant, the woman looks at me and she transformed herself. She ask why was I not offering to pay? I’m surprised and I tell her I simply don’t usually pay when I meet someone for the first time, it makes me uncomfortable and puts pressure. She then, proceed, and I kid you not, to say out loud: I would have never taken so many drinks if I knew. You had to tell me, its unfair.
At that point the bartender sees this happening and come over to make sure everything is okay, and she ask him for 1 bill only (that I would pay). He looks at me and I ask him for two, and he leaves a little confused.
We then talked a little and I tried to joke around to release the tension, and she told me that if I paid, wed go to my place after.
I kept on joking around and we ended up paying each other her bill, while she was rambling during the whole time she was paying. We went to the subway,and went our own way!
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It was quite the funny experience and I felt like sharing it with you guys!
> I would have never taken so many drinks if I knew. You had to tell me, its unfair.
How nice of her to point blank tell you she will happily take advantage of you and your wallet if given the opportunity.
She went from being a cool date to basically a prostitute in less than 5 minutes
Dodged a bullet.
I’m a female and while yes society has drilled into my head that the male should be paying I would -never- assume this! How pretentious to you have to be to assume that?
I always make sure I have my card or money on me and stay in a budget of what -I- feel comfortable paying for myself in the end.
Even dating I usually try to alternate who pays for dates…
I usually discuss this beforehand, it makes a good conversion topic and gets rid of the mystery
>would have never taken so many drinks if I knew. You had to tell me, its unfair.
thats… exploitative
>d she told me that if I paid, wed go to my place after.
that may not be legal…
Unfortunately, I’ve had to completely stop paying for dates. I’ve had lots of women ghost me after and I don’t have money to spend on people that aren’t actually interested in me. I tell them straight up we’re paying separately, and they usually say that’s fine, but there’s an odd atmosphere when it’s time to pay. It’s like they think if we have a good time I’ll decide to pay, and I won’t.
Women ruined this for themselves by using men’s hopes to get a free meal and some drinks. So ladies, don’t be shocked when a man says he’s not paying for your shit.
Think about it this way: she showed you her true colours before you got invested in the relationship.
Speaking as a woman, I really appreciate your attitude. I always prefer to pay my own way on first dates. It’s nice that you recognized that there is sometimes a feeling of pressure when one party insists on paying. Just keep doing what you’re doing. 🙂
Us women still “expecting” men to pay?…yikes
What a nasty person! One time I was expecting the guy to pay because of the way he worded the invitation. Because I was expecting him to pay, I only ordered one glass of wine with my meal. If I’d known I was paying for myself, I would have had a second glass. Expecting the guy to pay and purposefully ordering more than you’d be willing to pay for yourself is trashy AF!
Nice of her to show these red flag at the first date!
For real though, she must feel very entitled to assume you’d just pay for all that, even after you asked for 2 bills. Funnily enough, most girls I dated heavily prefer to pay for their own drink the first date, because they don’t like the pressure it sets (like you said).
I always do rounds on a first date – maybe try that? Ngl I’d be taken aback if the guy at the end asked for separate bills – I’d pay for my share for sure but maybe try rounds instead (if possible) and that sets the tone for your expectation?
The arrogance on display here from women is stupifying. I simply cant respect this level of entitlement from a potential partner and thankfully have never had to worry about it: when drinking, its rounds rather than run up a tab and any women with an ounce of dignity about her just takes her turn. It’s not even a conversation ive ever needed to have. Meals are usually paid in turns. When you pay the girl says » I’ll get the next one ». And, get this my brothers across the atlantic: they mean it. No « i forgot my purse » nonsense or whatever you probably hear. They just pay. Its not a big deal and not some feminist statement. Its just being an adult who carries some degree of self respect.
Do american women have no self respect? How skewed are you to believe this nonsense and then doubtless believe in equality.the one American girlfriend I had, i paid for everything as she was abroad for an extended period and I, wrongly, assumed she was on a tight budget. Meals, transport etc. She never offered a penny.
Google earth was a relatively new thing and we showed each other the houses we grew up in. I lived in what americans would call the projects while her family home had a private forrest. Turns out she had tons of money! It was just the cultural entitlement of the average american female which kept her from paying her share.
1st and probably last American i will ever date. Girlfriend of the last 3 years pays her own way. As has every other single girl ive been with.
Never pay for the privilege to talk to someone.
I only offer to pay if I’m treating someone I already know to a nice free time.
Think a good approach is to see how the date is going. If you’re liking the vibe and she’s genuinely interested then I would offer to pay if she’s ok with splitting and if it’s not going well and she’s got a terrible attitude then you can split it.
It’s a tough thing but you need to have your wit about you.. go with your instincts. Some women go on multiple dates a month and pretend to be interested to get the guy to pay… free nights out, why not?
I always ask for 2 checks on a first date. You don’t know them. Helps weed out the free meal users. I hate that shit.
>She then, proceed, and I kid you not, to say out loud: I would have never taken so many drinks if I knew. You had to tell me, its unfair.
The nerve on that girl…
Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. Seriously, she felt entitled to what was yours before y’all met. This attitude will not improve with time. I’ll be the asshole and say this: she was playing you, you got used. I’m sorry and it’s not your fault.
So I’m a girl, and typically guys I date are in the same income bracket as me and have similar necessary expenses. I always offer to split the bill with them because in the off-chance we end up in a relationship together, then I know we’ve budgeted equitably on recreational expenses so that there’s a lesser chance they’ll be too broke to keep doing fun stuff because they won’t have spent all their money on me at the beginning of our relationship.
>…and she told me that if I paid wed go to my place.
OP – sure it wasn’t a date.. feels like something else.!
« she told me that if I paid, wed go to my place after. »
Pure manipulative behaviour.
You sir dodged a bullet
r/choosingbeggars Damn
Run.
I’d have just paid, gotten laid and blocked her the next day.
Good on you! Dodged a bullet.
A bullet that whores themselves out for a few free drinks – decent women will be happy to split.
Nice to see tables finally turning too!
I was asked on a date once to a nicer restaurant. Assuming he was footing the bill, I purposely kept my spending under $25. He did not, and THEN asked to split the bill. I wasn’t going to make a scene over the $7 I paid in addition to my own tab, but I can assure you he didn’t get a second date.
If you asked her out, you should have paid. But I do not think she handled it with class at all.