Dating : Dating without a degree.
I’ve become pretty insecure about my lack of a college education. I grew up lower middle class (and in an abusive home) so my goals in life were just to get a job and run away but now as a 29 year old with just a full time job and just one spot above entry-level I feel like my lack of a degree is why I’ve been single for 2 years. Didn’t help that the last woman I dated said not having a degree was a red flag.
I’m an empathetic, intelligent and understanding guy but I feel like once they know I have no degree, it’s over.
Women don’t like to « marry down, » and a degree is a traditional indicator of social status or at least potential social status.
But there are lots of women who don’t have degrees and there are lots of women who will overlook the lack of degree if you have other things going for you. Your current job might be a bigger problem, though you did not specify what it is.
It can kinda cut both ways as well. Many women disqualify themselves as potential mates because of the degree they have.
I understand that the standard is very different, but as a man, I never cared if a woman had a degree as long as she had her life together financially. I don’t define ambition or success with credentials since there are a lot of worthless degrees out there nowadays. I actually consider both ends of the spectrum as a “red flag”. For example, my only girlfriend of about 3 months was almost 4 years older than me but struggled to maintain various low-level jobs, still lived at home, and spent way more than 4 years earning her degree. On the other hand, a former friend with a degree who rejected my request to date focused so much on advancing in her career that she barely had time to meet for lunch every month. Both situations are hugely problematic for me.
I think it’s terribly sad that a college degree is automatically considered the equivalent of making money or having a lot of ambition. I think one’s education level is indicative of an ability to process information and to value learning for its own sake. I have an advanced degree and I come from a family in which all members were college educated, even all four of my grandparents. That’s very unusual considering my grandparents were college aged in the 1910s. Women didn’t attend college often back then but my paternal grandmother went to what was considered « finishing school ». I know, I know, here come the snarky remarks about being a snob and that I look down on those without a formal education. That’s simply not true and I think it’s extremely difficult in these times to get a college degree and I advocate for trade education in that it will provide for a stable income and employment opportunities.
But my fundamental point here is that educated people will process problems differently and approach life differently. They generally continue their educations throughout their lives. And an education is not a guarantee of a prosperous income, but it probably is a guarantee of a well-lived and interesting life.
I think many women won’t say that it’s a red flag to your face but they are probably thinking it. In sociology there’s this theory called assortative mating. People get married similar to their own socioeconomic level. This varies within races though. White women and Asian women with college degrees are less likely to marry people without them while college educated Black women and Latinx women are more likely to marry someone without the degree.
Although we know that a college degree isn’t indicative of much, it’s a necessity for most well paying jobs and upward mobility. You may see replies here saying that if he ticked off all the other boxes the degree wouldn’t matter. You may also see people saying that you can make money and be stable without a degree but the stats and anecdotes aren’t consistent with those opinions.
I think to be successful in dating currently, you’ll have to date women without a degree or date one with a trade/certification. I don’t advocate for getting a degree just to be successful in dating either; that’s a waste of time and money if you don’t want one. I think apps like bumble and hinge allow you to filter based on educational level; so that may help.
Online dating is about first impressions and stats. I’m sure for many, seeing the degree listed shows you’re motivated (or had patents who could afford for you to go to school), but in the end, they see you as having a foot in the door towards upward mobility.
I understand how you could feel that some women may disqualify you based on your current status.
Go take a class here and there. Many people don’t finally get there degree until their 40’s. But that shows perseverance.
I see some women with only high school degree listed in their 40’s, but they have a job, they have their own home and are raising their kids. That means more to me than some rich girl who got college paid for and wants me to « treat her like the princess she is. »
Go take a class that interests you (not to impress anyone). And in your profile, be honest. « Currently taking college classes pursuing knowledge of things I love. »
Done and done.
Good luck.
Women love ambitious guys. Even if you dont have a college degree, it’s good to have a goal of some sort that you’re trying to achieve.
Maybe it’s to save up some money to go to college or maybe to get a better position at the company you’re currently working for.
I know guys who are doing great and have a significant other and they dont have a degree.
Not having a degree is definitely not a red flag, but having no ambition to better yourself whether it be your health or your career is a complete turnoff to many women.
I’m sorry if that came off as harsh, I really didn’t intend for it to.
It’s called learning disabilities, I have been diagnosed with ADHD and have struggled with education my entire life. Since I can’t focus on anything long enough to finish and then my brain boots out what I learned because it wouldn’t matter if it was life or death if I dont have an interest it wont be remembered. Needless to say average people dont understand these bio chemical imbalances and put pressure and judgment on less achievements. I’m trying to get medication for it and it proven extremely difficult since the drugs are expensive and a controlled substance. Anyways I just thought you should look into it since you might have learning disabilities. Fuck everyone who thinks less of you for that they dont understand shit about neurology or psychology
The lack of a degree by itself probably isn’t the thing that will make your life harder; you need to advance professionally (since you admitted that you’re 29 and just one rung up the ladder from entry level). If you were a few more rungs up the ladder, then the lack of college education won’t mean diddly since you’re already « successful ».
The vast majority of successful relationships (from now on back through time) have occurred where neither partner had a degree. It’s only a relatively recent phenomenon, and one I wouldn’t even say is right or that I agree with (coming from someone with a master’s) I think degree inflation and the insane cost, for what you get, most degrees just aren’t worth it. Aka, most women who think a degree means anything, are wrong (though I’d never tell them that to their face, who wants to open that can of worms). Ultimately I think the entirety of dating is messed up now though so what do I know. Probably best you don’t listen to me..
You’ll have better luck with women on the same level. Look for women that don’t have a degree either.
Real men do not care about whether or not a suitable partner has a college degree.
I’ve wondered a few times if that happens to me with women and I have an undergraduate degree. I’ve gone out a few times with women who were in grad school or even doing things greater than that. It’s funny because they’ve never stayed around.
But if they’re dating using that as a prerequisite for guys that’s pretty shallow especially when the guy already has a degree. From personal experience, I’ve had a few turn me down and they were more educated than me in grad school, med school, etc. Honestly it’s a little redundant and unnecessary when you both are in a stable career and have some education like a degree at least.