Dating : It’s hard not to feel lonely when everyone around you is in love, venting.
26 year old single guy here. Just ended a situation with a potential partner from tinder, we haven’t seen each other in almost a month after our 2nd date, and I got tired of waiting for her. I’m confident in myself and my own value, I don’t have issues with talking to women and all that jazz. I’m content with being single, however, I’m actively looking for a relationship, and I’m sure all of us single people know, it feels hopeless.
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I currently live with my high school buddy and his girlfriend. We all have a good relationship with each other, and its not awkward at all to live with them because they’re both good friends of mine. But there are times where they’ll cuddle together and watch a movie, and I’ll be in the other room, notice them, and start feeling like « wow, it would be great to have that right now. ». Whenever the other comes home, they’re always there to greet them, ask how their day was, and give each other a kiss. Stuff like that is what I want out of a relationship. I’m in a band with some other friends of mine, and they are all in relationships, one of them is married, another just became engaged, so on, so forth. I don’t have a lot of friends, but I’m very close to the people I keep regular contact with. And everyone is in a freaking relationship. Now, there’s a lot of good and bad that comes with both being single, and being in a relationship, and I’m embracing all of that while I can. But a big part of me wants to have someone to love. I work at a retail store, I sell shoes, and I deal with couples very often. Seeing some good and some bad relationships gives me perspective, but I’ve also never been in love, so I’m always asking myself, is it better to have loved, then lost? or to have never loved at all? I’ve never a serious relationship, and while I’m confident that if I keep trying I will make it, but I also can’t help but just feel nothing but hopelessness. I see so many posts on this sub of others in the same boat. I feel for you all, its so rough out there. I tell all of my friends to not take each other for granted, because a majority of them met before tinder hit. But dammit, I want a good and fulfilling relationship, I know I’ll have to deal with some shit to get there, but I have so much love to offer and I want to share it with someone. My friends say to keep your head up always, and I do my best, but its some days like this that make it hard, you know what I mean?
I’ve never related to something so hard before. Wow. In the same boat.
Right there with you buddy. All my good friends are in loving relationships or about to get into one. It’s discouraging also when I try to date, but all they wanna do is clown on me and lead me on. I mean I’ve just come to accept being in a relationship with myself and working on things I should be focusing on like my career and fitness instead of wasting energy on finding relationships. I know it’s hard because at the end of the day I want to be cuddled up next to someone special and share awesome dates with and go on double dates with my friends, but hey loving ourselves is the most important thing. I do really believe that when you least expect it is when stuff like relationships come into play. It happened with my last relationship and the one before.
> so I’m always asking myself, is it better to have loved, then lost? or to have never loved at all?
Man this *exact* quote hit me hard a few weeks ago when I was trying to convince myself that I could live a life without ever knowing love, and still be happy. First I tried to take a philosophical approach and tell myself that the best life was one that if you were good and happy, then love didn’t matter. If love isn’t all its cracked up to be then why are all the greatest songs about love? Or nearly every blockbuster movie has some romantic interest/tension. Love is everywhere, it seemed from that angle to be an almost necessary part of life.
That clearly wasn’t working so I tried a more scientific approach. And using the cold, (don’t care about your fragile feelings) logical method, I asked myself the ultimate question; « What is the meaning of life? » Well from an evolutionary standpoint the meaning of life is rather simple. . . . to pass on one’s genes, and create new life. We as humans do this through sex (obviously) as do other animals. Some species mate impulsively, but many others have rituals, dances, or they may even fight to establish the right to have sex. Sex between two human beings (outliers aside) is consensual and require a certain level of trust and companionship, or in other words, love. So I came to the conclusion even using a logical method, that love is necessary.
I really started thinking about all of this and realized that there was no way I was going to convince myself that I could ultimately live without some form of love in my life.
Guess I’m not really offering any help, just venting along with you (and many others). I suppose some words of encouragement could be that any effort you put into this matter is never wasted, so don’t ever feel like your wasting your time trying to find love, whatever form that takes.
It’s soooo hard. I’ve been on the apps for years and, admittedly, my early- mid twenties I was not on them for the right reasons, plus my self-esteem was in the toilet. But, now I’m nearing 27 years old and I’ve done a lot of work on myself. I genuinely enjoy who I am as a person. There’s a few things I’m figuring out, but such is life.
Now, I feel like I’ll meet someone who seems like a great match! I see the light at the end of the tunnel and just as It seems like “holy shit, is this it?” *poof!* he flakes or after a few dates the feelings just aren’t there and I’m back to square one….
Everyone always says that it’ll happen when you’re least expecting it and that pisses me off….cuz tbh as a 27 year old female surrounded by couples…I’m always anticipating it
Older woman here. Don’t judge your instincts. Humans yearn. We are a herd species.
A man become ready and takes who works ATM. I was told this by a successful married with children, smokin older man when I was 23. My brother did at 45. Enjoy yourselves for f%cks sake. Everything will fall into place.
Young love is the highest I have been. Love many.
I was in a same boat. But now I don’t know man. I’ve been trying to have a relationship, but turned out I just miss and need intimacy. Because I realized that I do not miss any ugly parts of relationship such as arguing, fighting, jealousy, controlling etc. Or it’s because I just haven’t found someone worthy who I’m willing to go thru all this ugly shit together.
So… now when I start feeling lonely or miss being in a relationship, I just think about all the ugly parts of relationship then I’m happy that I’m single lol
This might be just only me but yeah… what do I do ha. Just just love yourself more and see what’s coming to you along the way. I’m with you! X
Yeah I relate to that. I am 30 and have never had a relationship and for the first time ever tried online dating for like the last 10 months and all it has done is fucking kill any sense of being desirable to other people. I am genuinely thinking escorts might be an ideal situation for me at this point. It is a need that I am not meeting (not just sexually but really just human touch and I think maybe you would call it intimacy?) and it is really affecting me psychologically.
Gotta hang out with people not in relationships. You dont need a relationship to be happy, seriously. Don’t compare your life to others around it’s incredibly unhealthy. Find yourself. Be happy with what you have and let life happen. If you find someone and start a relationship then great. But, looking for a relationship is not a good idea; that’s how bad relationships start. The last thing you want to do is settle, overlook red flags, or get into a relationship that makes you genuinely unhappy and ends down the road. I mean God forbid you have kids with that person and or end up in a divorce you’re putting a lot of your life on the line to lose.
I know it’s an unpopular opinion, but dont live with your friend and his girlfriend. That’s just going to make it worse. Or just dont be home as much, cause yeah anyone’s gonna feel shitty seeing that if they’re single.
26!?! you are still very young, while it may not seem like it.
IMO, it is better to be single and looking, than stuck and resentful
1. You can’t judge your happiness based on your perception of other people’s life. If you go and look for evidence of you being a loser, you will find it. You just have to control what you can control, and live the best life you can. It’s also best to remember that relationships, are great but they are also problems.
2. There is always time. I didn’t date till I was almost 31, and I will get married this year on the month of my 33rd birthday. Don’t get worried about missing anything.
This is just my opinion here. Take it with a grain of salt like everything you see on reddit. But you need to accept 2 things.
One, that you are not content being single. I don’t actually think any single people perfectly content being single are frequenting this sub. There isn’t anything wrong with that, and it’s very relatable. The hard part is accepting that you aren’t happy where you are, because it’s always easier to say “Things could better but I’m happy,” than “I’m unhappy, and I want change but don’t know how to make it.” The first and hardest step is accepting and declaring it to yourself.
Second, most people are superficial without realizing it. At your age, people not already in fulfilling relationships start looking for them in partners they see as capable of doing such and also who are worthy. If you’re the average person, that likely means a semi-solid career or opportunity of prospect, or someone capable of rearing children, which usually carries that same perception of someone who is capable of providing. This is going to sound harsh, but most people working retail and living month to month off paychecks cannot do that.
I’m not calling you a loser. I’m saying that you’re going to stand a much better chance finding someone willing to bet on a future with you if you build better prospects for yourself. And you probably know this. People in their teens and early twenties, different story, nobody really cares yet.
But if selling shoes and playing in a band makes you happy, by all and every measure keep doing that. I think being realistic about where you are versus what other people want is important, and that’s what I’m trying to get across. But either way, keep working on yourself. A relationship built on 2 lives that are already fulfilling is going to be a thousand times more enjoyable and stable than people who get together based on loneliness and wanting physical affection. It should be the cherry on top of your already amazing life.
Everyone says it because it’s true. Make yourself happy, and you will be much more attractive to other people.
Or just do the opposite, I’m some person on the internet who you don’t know. I’m probably a moron or a psychopath. Either way good luck.
We need an app for single redditors
Don’t take it personally, but saying « I’m content with myself » and then « i’m actively looking for a relationship » is almost a contradiction.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use tinder and go around approaching girls, but by saying « I’m ACTIVELY looking for a relationship » sounds like you might be giving a trying-to-lock-someone-in-a-relationship type of vibe to anybody you go out on date with.
Just my 2 cents
Haha this sounds like my life no lie. Im 26 and I’m in a band as well where 3 of the 4 other guys have girlfriends. All my high school friends moved out of state and are living with their significant other and can NEVER make time to hang out ever. It’s so frustrating but I totally understand that feeling.
You just have to keep focusing on you and your life and making your life better and it’ll come. That’s what I keep telling myself. I have financial goals and gym/fitness goals that keep my head level and when my mind starts to wander I just google stuff to read to help change my mentality to something more positive. I would love a relationship but sometimes I become too fixated on it and it takes away from the other great things I have going on in life.
One thing I keep myself is that I’m only 26. Sometimes 26 seems old and sometimes it seems young depending on my state of mind. But there’s no rush for a relationship although it seems like it at times being around happy couples. Stay strong you got this!
I gave up, myself.
Romantic Love is probably just chemical reactions in the brain and body. Nothing like humans make it out to be. Not guaranteed to last.
Try being an asian guy. Totally hopeless.
Make more single friends. Most of my friends are worse with girls than me
Yup, definitely relate to this. Seems like it’s much harder than it needs to be, for whatever reason. Especially as a guy. And especially in the last 5-10 years. What does everyone else think?
You’re too young to be this jaded. At least wait until 30 my friend. You’ve got lots of time to find your person.
23F here, and you are not alone. I feel *exactly* the same way. Was seeing this guy from tinder for about a month and it seemed to be going good but then it ended and now I’m back to square one. It’s frustrating and depressing and I definitely feel lonely and hopeless at times.
All my friends are married and have kids we go out every now and then, I’m 38m divorced and have an 11-year-old. I have a different path and I’m going to enjoy it that’s how I look at it.Also all my friends are 10 years older than me.
Another friend is mine (42M) two years ago married a 22-year-old, his second marriage.
If you compare yourself to others you will always be unhappy.
Another friend of mine 32M recently broke up with his girlfriend because she wanted to be married because all her friends are married, he said he didn’t want that now, they sorted their differences and are back together not sure why.
Just walk your path it won’t be the same as someone else’s.
I am in the same boat as well, but I just got used to it
I ask myself that question every damn day. Had my first boyfriend when I was 21, dated for a couple months, since we split I haven’t come close to anything like that and it feels like I never will again. I think the universe was giving me a small taste of what a relationship could be like to tide me over for the rest of my life. Is having a few memories from a few months of one relationship better than never knowing what it’s like at all? I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like it’s worse because now I know what I’m missing when I see literally all of my friends and coworkers in relationships.
« I’m actively looking for a relationship, and I’m sure all of us single people know, it feels hopeless. »
This…
This is bad. Because you are looking for relationships in many people that will only have a passing thought or interact with you once. We are searching for our ONE person, so when we try to see that one person in everyone we fail to keep focused and we start to feel hopeless. I know that it hurts bad, but this really is a great time to thrive and build your life to be the way you want.
Also, I’d like to pose a question,
Is it time to move out and find new roommates?
It’s great that you all get along well, but you are constantly going to feel like a 3rd wheel… just think about it for a bit.
Better to have loved and lost than not loved at all. I’ve been in love twice, maybe 3 times but ehhh probably just twice. Each of those relationships gave me so much insight into what I want from a partner, and how I can be a better partner. Also unrelated to relationships and romance but just about myself in general.
To be honest, if you’re looking for that I would take a break from the dating apps. Don’t go be some pick up artist or any of that bullshit. But I’ve been on probably like 15 dates through the apps in the last 3 months, and only like 2 or 3 of them did I ever feel a good connection. The best connections I have made with not just women or anyone is when I meet someone in person and have the courage to just be myself and take a risk getting to know someone.
I think everything with the apps feels canned. I’ve matched with girls saying they want a long term partner, before I noticed it on their profile, and say hey well I’m in grad school and that takes up the majority of my time. Therefore I don’t think I can offer a super serious commitment. If I told that to 5 girls, only one of them moved on, and all the others basically said that’s fine.
The apps are about validation and fun, it’s basically a more intimate extension of social media. Most people don’t actually use them to make real connections, they want to get matches and feel attractive. Even if there is a connection, as soon as that date is over you go home and match with someone more attractive. Since you can’t tell what their personality is like at that point, it’s easy to look at your last date and think that was fun, but I want to see what this person is like.
If you’re looking for a real connection I would stay off the apps. Do stuff you love around your town/city, and if the opportunity presents itself, don’t hesitate to be really extroverted and make friends, and I think you’ll have a better chance making a real connection with a woman. I don’t know what it is but there is something about the apps that just feels off to me.
I would not see someone who works in retail as relationship material unless he was in school for an actual career.
I understand how you feel. Everyone has felt this once or many times in their lives. The key is to focus on the good people in your life and the beautiful or funny moments you had with people. Trust me: most of those « loving » relationships are not loving at all, or maybe they are, but it should not influence you in your life. The grass is always greener on the other side.. nomatter how cliché it sounds, it’s true. So many wish to be single when they’re not, and vice versa. A relationship is only good of you are able to be alone single, and be happy with yourself. We tend to rush for relationships because it feels great at the beginning, but many don’t know themselves even well enough, or have loved themselves a 100% to be able to give fully in a relationship unconditionally.
I recommend watching Jigsaw from Daniel Sloss. They call it the relationshipbreaker! It’s pretty confronting but so true. You will feel much more relieved after watching it. I know I did. I’m enjoying my single life now, I am getting to know myself better and I do whatever the f I want. Love it! And I am a 30F. I just really want to be happy. The more happy you are, the faster the circumstances and people gather around you that fits with that. All the best!