Dating : [F25] feeling anxiety about never meeting the right guy again after being on dating apps
I just turned 25 this year, and this is the first time that singlehood is hitting me hard since 18.
First relationship lasted 6M, on and off for another 6M during which I met my next bf (was just friends then). Got together 4 months post final breakup and were together for 3.5 years. The relationship wasn’t healthy for both of us, and eventually I couldn’t take the fights anymore and ended things. While I did feel sad, I didn’t cry over it at all, and I was excited to get back into the dating pool.
That was last year. I tried out dating apps for the first time, went on some really great dates, had a lot of fun, wasn’t looking to get into anything serious and felt zero pressure/ anxiety about finding someone new. Perfectly fine with being single.
Then bam, I met someone who was nothing like anyone I’ve seen before, who showed me a similar, if not even higher, level of interest, who was so sure of me and wanted to build something together with me. I loved this guy, we got together after 2 months of dating, but he broke up with me 8 months later.
And this one is hitting really, really hard. I isolated myself, cried everyday for the first two months or so, stopped crying but still feel a dull ache in my heart everyday. And suddenly I am packed with anxiety – will I ever find anyone again? Can I love someone like that again? I suddenly feel the pressure at 25 (I always wanted to build a family before 30), but I have never felt this way last year when I was 24.
And I went back onto dating apps and it just made me feel like crap. I‘m on CMB and I’m not interested in any of the matches, I went on OKCupid and got overwhelmed with the amount of likes and messages and now I’ve deactivated all of them. I met some really nice guys who I started chatting with but suddenly have zero interest in talking to. I see all these guys who aren’t what I’m looking for and I just feel demoralized that I can’t ever find anyone who meets my standards again.
I know maybe I’m not ready to date right now, but it’s so, so hard being single. My city isn’t too huge and I feel like I’ve seen most of the guys available via these apps already, and it’s not what I want, and that fills me up with so much anxiety, and whenever I feel this way I think about my ex and how great he was and how I want him back. This isn’t healthy and I know it, but I’m stuck and I can’t get out of this mindset.
Sorry for the long post, just wanted somewhere to rant and let out how I feel.
> I‘m on CMB and I’m not interested in any of the matches, I went on OKCupid and got overwhelmed with the amount of likes and messages and now I’ve deactivated all of them. I met some really nice guys who I started chatting with but suddenly have zero interest in talking to. I see all these guys who aren’t what I’m looking for and I just feel demoralized that I can’t ever find anyone who meets my standards again.
You arent over your ex.
You need to love yourself.
You’re getting attached far, far, far too easily, and you come across as one of those people who truly can’t handle being single and needs someone to « complete » them.
That’s all recipe for someone clingy.
Get comfortable being alone, get comfortable with solitude, work on liking who you are when you’re single, and maybe even consider therapy.
You just gotta chill out for a bit longer. It’s pretty clear that you’re in that phase where you can’t see yourself with anyone other than your ex.
If you feel like it’s hard being single, you aren’t ready for a relationship. Once you are ok with being single and have built a life where you can be happy by yourself, then you should pursue dating again. You might find it easier if you aren’t trying to find someone who « completes you, » but rather adds to your completed person. It will take pressure off of yourself and others to be perfect
The question is basically: « Can I love someone again after losing love of my life? ». Answer is difficult, time will definitely make it better but it’s possible that you won’t feel so intensive emotion with someone other, and you will maybe feel bad that you don’t love him like you loved the previous one. Perfectionists have it tough.
Imo, I don’t think it’s that you’re « not over your ex » or that your « clingy and don’t know how to be single ». To me it just sounds like you’re tired and exhausted from dating.
Being broken up with out of the blue is sooo fucking hard. All of a sudden you’re having to try to not just logically figure out what happened, but you have to do so in an unideal mental/emotional state. It’s fucking hard! And while yeah, dating apps can be easy to get validation or whatever.. that doesn’t mean you actually have the energy to do more than swipe.
Recharge, girl! Focus on you and doing your best for yourself. You’ve obviously done it before and 100% you can do it again. You’re not wrong for feeling this way. Time helps so much. So just keep doing you, take things one day at a time (or even just one hour at a time), and be patient.
Happy to talk more if you want to!
Alpha widowed