Dating : Am I being dumb?
So in my last relationship I met a mutual friend though another. I was very attracted to him and pretty much have a full blown crush on him now. One of the crazy things is I only met him and hung out with him in person a few brief times over a few days. But my level of attraction or infatuation of him is only something I have ever really felt with my ex. But I felt a sweet mutual attraction from him as well.
Obviously never interacted on it because I was with my ex, I have been single for some time now. The thought of telling him has crossed my mind a few times, but it has been so getting heavier and heavier as time passes.
Alright so the issues… One and this will explain why I have only met him once. He is in the Army, I also met him in 2019, he had plans to come back in 2020. But yeah obvious reasons why he didn’t come back. I have seen from pair of friends, it is nearly impossible to keep a relationship going with your partner in a job in the military. So I don’t want to put the pressure of a relationship or heavy feelings on him. But I’m not necessarily looking for a relationship at the moment but I my romantic heart can’t help but wonder « what if things blossom between us? » I also have no idea where he is or how long he is enlisted for, also have no idea what his job is, don’t know how I’d feel if it was super dangerous.
Two… Okay so he is my group of friends, he definitely checks off all of the boxes for my type he has a lot of personality traits that are a little bit similar to my ex. Is this something that is good? Or a red flag? Should I just say no and try some one different?
Three… The what ifs….. What if he actually dosen’t like me, what if it’s all in my head? Also what if older women aren’t his thing? I’m 31 and he’s 25. What if because we are part of the same friend group and he is also friends with my ex as a well… What if this is too weird for him? Should I just put the crush up on a shelf, forget about it…. and just start looking to date local? Thanks for taking the time to read this long ass post. Have a wonderful day or night.
Issue #1. You can tell him that, that you don’t want your relationship to struggle due to work pressures and you’re not ready for a relationship yet, but, whenever he gets out, hit you up. At that point, put it out of your mind; the ball is in his court and no sense in wondering afterwards. (Sorry if that is an oversimplification, but I can’t see it making sense otherwise for your situation.)
#2. That’s immediately what I started worrying about. Psychologically speaking, we approach the devil we know because we are comfortable with that form of agony. I struggled with liking people like my parent, before finding someone like my sibling, who is an absolute sweetheart. I suggest this a lot, because it helped myself and my family, but don’t count him out yet; just try dating inclusively to help your mind expand into unfamiliar concepts that you may have ignored or avoided. Of course, be introspective and rationally critical (not cruel) of yourself to figure what you need from yourself and others, and work on what you can of yourself.
#3a. Find out if it’s in your head.
b. Then older women aren’t his thing; your self-worth is not determined by others or even yourself—everyone is inherently infinitely valuable and not in accordance to the impermanent, imperfect world.
c. Not sure what you mean by weird or if that’s really a problem, but I’d just be nonchalant about it and assure him that, unless he explicitly says he wants to date, you aren’t expecting anything to happen between you two, no matter the circumstances or “signals” someone else might interpret. Obviously, make sure you can manage that and convince your mind to understand he is off-limits; it’s better in the long-run. This won’t be a popular opinion among women, but, if he chooses to be untrusting or impatient to your attempts at accepting his rejection, then his problem—you just keep trying to accept his rejection to be more than friends.
d. Unless you honestly believe it would easier and more successful to stop wanting the relationship without ever truly knowing what would have happened if you asked.
e. What does local have to do with it?
Hope it works out!