Dating : Commitment issues in the third year, between PhD students in a situationship
32 yo male here, with a 28 yo female friend. My last year of PhD, and I have job prospects nationwide, but very little nearby. We’ve been doing this thing where we are in almost all aspects a couple, but she doesn’t want to date me, saying she has a list of things that she can’t tell me, which are incompatibilities.
We recently took a break because I felt she was being verbally abusive in our fights, and she got very upset and blamed me for causing her reactions, so it ended up with me saying I will not wait here two years for her to finish her PhD if she won’t make some sort of commitment, or at least work on the anger issues.
Am I wrong in this case? Now that I’ve said I’m not going to stay if there’s no change, she’s using that as her reason why it’s not working. It’s exasperating me, but maybe I’m wrong. What do you think?
From what you’re saying, I would say you should leave before you get hurt some more. I think getting verbally abusive in a fight without an apology or a follow up discussion of why she became abusive is a red flag. Also, it’s fine to keep some things to yourself in a relationship (or whatever this is), you’re still your own person after all. However I get a weird vibe from what the way she put it.
Are you two sexually involved? If you don’t want to leave her, you two should definitely have a big talk about where you two stand.
Good luck
Eject mate. You aren’t a couple of she can’t even define your relationship as a couple.
Remember it’s all about you my friend. She is second string to your happiness.
Dude, drop this crap. Go take one of those great jobs, you’ll establish yourself fast and kill it with the ladies. Guys with doctorates are in high demand. Don’t fool yourself into thinking she’s irreplaceable, especially if she treats you like garbage and won’t commit.