Dating : Dating in 2021 is horrendous.
I feel like I was born in the wrong generation. I’m 28, and it feels like everyone around me is stuck in hookup culture & a new set of dating rules that I don’t fully grasp.
I want a man who is honest & kind. Someone with morals & understanding. I want someone who is willing to grow & make a life together.
I don’t want a player, or someone who uses apps like Snapchat to be sneaky & hide conversations or has hooked up with a million people.
It’s hard to find someone that holds old fashioned values that isn’t an absolute prude or extremely conservative.
I just want a good person. Someone that values relationships & puts forth the effort. I’m beginning to believe this no longer exists 😞
I’m tired of having my heart broken. I’m tired of planning a life & being given up on.
Try meeting guys the organic way as someone said . If you’re using dating apps it’s really going to be like that. There are plenty of good guys who are not on dating apps. And try not to judge men by their faces but how they treat you and everyone around them which can only be seen when you meet them in real life not behind a phone screen
Welcome, please take ticket 8658274 and have a seat. Estimated wait time: 6 years.
these man are everywhere… but maybe they arent as attractive as the others and arent as present online as the others.
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Yeah as a 30 yo man i feel the same. I do not search for a conservative or religious person but for the rest it just fits your post.
As someone from family told me, if you search for sex or ephemeral relationships, go OLD. If you are searching for long term, better stay to real life activities…
I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, and know that you’re not alone in this. There’s been a major cultural shift in the dating world. The saturation of social media and commonplace use of dating apps has made the dating world a mixture of FOMO, self-indulgence, and a virtual cornucopia of new dating partners. It seems as if everyone is having casual sex, hookups, FWB, etc.
MEN
* Not single
* Single
* Can’t get dates <– (Percent of men that fall into this category has been getting larger over time)
* Can get dates
* Only wants something casual <– (Percent of men that fall into this category has been getting larger over time)
* Wants a serious relationship <– (Percent of men that fall into this category has been getting smaller over time)
I believe the type of guy you’re looking for exists, but they’re much harder to find. Since they’re more rare and have attributes that more women look for, they’re also less likely to be single or on dating apps. I’d recommend expanding your social circle and meeting more people in-person.
Men are kind of figuring out what we want to be, because that old shit doesn’t exist anymore, most of us never even considered what to do if we didn’t want to uphold the cultural norm of marrying and buying homes and shit.
Most of us can’t even afford it. So kicking back and seeing what tomorrow brings is just what we are collectively doing I think. What’s the point? There’s no real rush to do anything for anyone other than ourselves and family of course.
But I don’t particularly feel obligated to ever marry or have kids, I would have to buckle down and pretty much always be there. And everything I do and enjoy now would be gone.
And I’m not even talking about sex. I can just get in my truck and go, there’s no push back, or plans or responsibilities.
Nothing in our culture ever really highlighted, being a dad as anything other than some meaningless title reserved for goofy puns and horrible babysitters. And the real thing looks like a toss up between a good life or a hellscape of misery.
It’s unpalatable, to be honest.
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Sounds like you’re going after the wrong types. Do you swipe left on 99% of guys and only swipe right on the modes?
THANK YOUUUUU! I feel like I’m the only guy who thinks this way. Everyone values instant gratification and social media presence more than actually building a life together. It’s driving me crazy and I feel like I’m gonna end up alone but I know for a fact I won’t compromise on my ideals.
I feel ypu I’m damn near giving up and just taking a break from meeting people for a month or two. Can focus on self care with things like playing music
Where/how are you looking for men? If the answer is “online dating” then I think we’ve identified a problem
If you even mention hookup culture being the problem it’s probably because you want top tier men. To the majority of men hookup culture isn’t a thing they’re apart of.
From reading the comments, I’m wondering if you’ve left out the parts where you say he has to be tall, handsome and wealthy…
Dis just my opinion
I’m 19 and have been in my current relationship for 4 yrs, and it’s INSANE how many girls/guys my age I hear talking about 40+ notches and how they cheat or just mess around with anyone. Which whatever you can do whatever you want it’s just the cheating part that absolutely isn’t ok to me. Although I couldn’t imagine sleeping with that many people in just a few years- or even my lifetime- no judgement just like daaaamnnn how much free time you got.
Also just kind of seems like a waste of time to me, as if people don’t even want to get to know each other anymore or have meaningful relationships. Not everyone of course but idk I notice it a lot that people either don’t want a relationship but play around or they want any relationship and don’t really care who the person is and it doesn’t work out because ya- you can’t really just find anyone and expect it to work.
But ya know these are going to be the future single people treating everyone they date like shit because that’s the only thing they’ve ever done. This isn’t everyone and it absolutely isn’t just men just seems to be the older you get the Less and less ‘good’ partners there are. And i mean it makes sense that the ‘good’ or loyal/committed people would already be in relationships/married.
Also online dating is lame, yeah it can be great but nowadays it’s just kind of a hook-up thing. Or that’s been my experience atleast. Maybe try looking at what friends you have and if you’ve friendzoned anyone that might actually be a good match idk I find I can’t be attracted to someone if I’m not friends with them for a long time or know them well so maybe there’s someone already in your life you just haven’t explored a possible relationship with.
Also if you are a catch then nobody will pass on that and they will charge just to be with you.
A lot of people want that as well. The problem: there are far too many humans on the planet now that everyone has the mindset of « I have options and don’t have to settle for any less than literally everything I want in a person – no exceptions » and also stuck on the idea that there is « The One » or some « meant to be » person that in reality DOES NOT exist.
How about guys in their 30s? Are they still typically players? Or are they more likely to want relationships? In your experience.
Quick tip, try guys over 30. Last year I was working my ass off at 2 jobs to save as much money I could by 31 and adopt me a kid on my own, I was 27, in my little time off didn’t paid attention to most guys since I could smell already who were the not serious fuck boys who didn’t deserve my attention and had already decided plan 1 would be to make it on my own anyways, one day in the first week of quarantine I ended up meeting a guy who later became my bf and days ago my now husband, he had just gotten 30 and thought the single life didn’t fill him anymore, wanted to settle down and have a family by the time he is 35, I guess seeing how serious I was about work and I was not just hooking up and messing around like girls he met before made him want to change my mind into being with him for a serious relationship and have a family together one day.
>want traditional
>cant be conservative
It seems you don’t know what you want
That’s the liberal crap that’s been pushed since Generation X. “Sexual liberation”. I feel where you’re coming from. It’s sad. These women on Tinder and other apps wanna sleep with as many men (and other women) as possible but then eventually want to be wifed by a “decent man”. Haha! Decent men don’t want their used goods.
It takes time. You really have to look around.
(22M) I’ll be honest, I’ve been single for 2 years now and have very little dating experience. The more I hear from other people; weather it’s my friends, other people’s stories and or the numbers from studies when it comes to modern relationships (divorce, marriage rates, etc) the less I want to be involved. Like you, I want to find someone who isn’t extremely idealistic but is a genuinely good person. I’ve had chats with guys and girls; straight, gay, bi and it’s honestly a mess from all sides. No one is really happy with the current order of things and no one really knows how to mold the current landscape to something more attainable. I tried for a while and after enough rejections along with getting ghosted I’m staying out. In my current state I’m not worth a date, if anyone did want me on a date then I would call them a lunatic lol. However, that comes from an understanding of where I am in life and my own personal worth. If I could give any advice I would say don’t try reaching for something unattainable. In the modern sphere it’s so common for guys and girls alike expecting something they don’t deserve and even going farther to be entitled to it. I’m not calling entitled. I know very little about you and your current state in life, but if you haven’t yet then you should be honest about yourself to help manage your expectations. If you need to work on yourself to fit who you strive to be with then do that too. If you’ve already done that, then I wish you luck on your journey.
I am 27 and can relate to that….people be 2 faced and are sneaky and hiding alot of things thanks to damn technology(social apps) and lack of patience to work things out or have a self check on contributed mistakes..no patience and lazy ass effort not being put in
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Why do you guys talk about looks? She never mentioned that, you guys are so biased!
I feel the same and I have been with guys I thought were nice and not very attractive. After being two years single I have met guys like the ones you mention but I know there are good ones out there.
My advice: protect yourself and your heart, and try to meet IRL. I deleted my dating apps profiles, there is nothing there for me. I know if works for some, but I have the feeling they have promoted the ‘grass is greener’ and ‘fomo’ philosophy in both men and women.
It seems to me that your the type of person who says he wants a nice guy but at the same time you completely ignore him when he comes along to be honest.
There’s literally no shortage of nice guys out there I can assure you that…there is a shortage of great guys though which is what your looking for I think.
Here’s a couple of questions that you should ask yourself:
When Mr. Great came along what did you do to keep him around?
Do you consider yourself a cool lady?
What is your fashion sense?
What is your body language?
Do you take care of your body?
Do you do your nails?
Do you do your hair?
Are you fun to hang around for?
What kind of perfume are you using?
Do you wear heels & dresses?
Do you like sex?
How good are you in bed?
Do you like oral?
For a great guy being ‘just yourself’ is not cutting it anymore…same goes for an averege guy who wants a hot girs.
Do you understand this dynamic?
As an average man, you’ll have difficulties in online dating. All those short and ugly men with girlfriends you see outside? They met their partner using social circles and mutual friends. Most perpetually single and sexless men simply lack the social life needed to get a woman.
Example: Imagine that you’re a short man making moves on woman x. This woman x WILL date you if you met at someone’s wedding. Because that she doesn’t mind dating a short guy. But that exact same woman x will NOT swipe right on you in an app. Because that you where not tall.
Opting out of dating is a totally valid option, sometimes it’s just not worth it or the mental exhaustion it has caused you (from reading the post).
she want a nice guy who also happens to be attractive, I think it’s a very rare thing and she probably wont find it
You may not want to hear this, but perhaps you can’t find men like that because you don’t attract those men.
Men like that are everywhere. Are you open to average men? A lot people confuse average with less than. Especially as a woman, it shouldn’t be hard to find a man like that. Especially if you yourself have what those men want.
Stop swiping on only the top 5% of the male population based on looks. Those guys are all players because they can be due to women like you never giving the other 95% a chance….nevermind, you won’t change. Good luck, forget I said anything.
Apparently bad choices Don’t exist? And that means guys just suck these days? Interesting…
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Not too sure what dating as a women would be like, but in general the problem might be that you are dating attractive, rich men with too many options.
Most of us can barely get a match / a woman to talk to us online…
God I feel this completely. Over the past couple years I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve talked to that seem great and then flip in a second when I make it clear I want a relationship and not just a quick hookup or something. Literally verbally abuse from men because I didn’t want to let them use me as a quick fuck. It almost feels like people now are putting emphasis on sex and being free with their body rather than having respect for the people they’re enjoying this so-called freedom with. I end up trusting the wrong people when it feels like we’re getting close and they use that trust against me to get what they want.
There are good men out there, it’s just like catching lightning in a bottle. I feel like my ex stopped dating me (we still talk on a friendly level) because I got so excited to finally meet a guy that had that respect and morals I was always looking for, I pushed our relationship a little faster than he wanted. Wish I could go back and do things better but he might end up just being the one that got away. But he’s still there and in my life. He’s still someone I know I can trust. Whether we get back together or not, I know he’s a good man I have the privilege of having in my life. They’re out there, don’t worry. Good luck to you.
Samesies 🙁