Dating : Don’t give up part 2…

Dating : Don’t give up part 2…

Hello all you glorious humans!

I am back to remind you all to not give up! I know it can be hard and frustrating at times. Being alone can cause all short of negative feelings. It will get better in the end once you accept yourself and learn to be with just yourself. Certainly isn’t easy and it does take practice. Per my previous posts, I would like to update you all on my recent dating experiences and perhaps ask for advice. Two things of note happened, and the second one left me really confused.

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1) I met a girl in a bar and we were just chatting, as usual I didn’t expect it to go anywhere (previous posts explain why) but I didn’t mind at least talking. She asked me the usual questions/made usual comments, does my skin condition hurt and « I don’t mean to stare ». After I would say about 15 minutes of talking she puts her hand on my leg, it felt nice to actually be touched by another human being. I could feel my defenses melting away as she gets closer and closer until suddenly I snapped back to reality. Something in my mind just told me this was wrong, she was moving really fast for a woman that looks like her with someone that looks like me. I couldn’t help but feel like I was being watched, or singled out. This feeling happens a lot to me due to my looks, being a freak puts you out there. In this case though, it felt like someone was looking at me to do me harm. My defenses come back up and I start to drive the conversation with her away from intimate topics. She becomes really persistent, saying she has a hotel room just waiting for us, she chose me out of all the guys because I was hot. Ding ding she over played her hand, so I said no thank you I am fine. She gets really angry and hits me with her purse as she slings it over shoulder saying and I quote « You probably have no money anyway you ugly bastard ». I don’t know what money had to do with it, she didn’t seem like a lady of the night, who knows?

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2) Over the past few weeks I was talking to girl I met on Tinder, we exchanged numbers and really hit it off. To level set my experience with Tinder, I match maybe 3 girls a week and 3 of them are fakes. I was surprised to have a real. breathing human being on the other end. We had two dates almost back to back and I have to say she was everything I wanted in a woman, including sharing similar hobbies. On our third date she wanted to have a private moment with a picnic together, so we can talk in a more intimate setting. Turns out she had other plans with little talking then boom we were making out. It was the best thing ever, I don’t get much interaction with human contact so it was out of this world. She suddenly put the brakes on the whole thing and said she had to tell me something, I had the right to know. I didn’t really hear her words at first, I thought I did something wrong maybe I hurt her. Finally I came back to earth when I saw the nervousness in her eyes. She confessed she was transgender, and she tried to explain why she hide that fact on Tinder. After she was finished laying it all out there for me, I was kind of in shock. Not because she lied about being transgender, but because she told me people make her feel like a freak, even her family. I told her the same thing in a previous conversation we had before our first date. The whole moment was surreal, and I didn’t know what to do. We laid on the blanket for a long time just holding each other, she cried for a little bit, and I tried to make her sadness go away but I wasn’t strong enough. A couple days later she decided to end it because she felt like shit since she lied to me. That I didn’t deserve to be treated that way, I didn’t fight her on it.

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This has never happened to me before, and I don’t feel I handled it correctly. I have to be honest I don’t understand all the gender discussion, or where I even fall in the spectrum. This situation makes me feel like dirt because I didn’t fight harder or forgive her quicker. Not saying I like to be to lied too by anyone, but she had her reasons. Has anyone had a situation like number 2? How did you handle it? For the love of it all how do you figure out sexuality in this day and age?