Dating : Feeling confused and hurt after being ghosted
I’ve been talking to this girl for a while and I felt like we had a real connection. We’ve both connected on a deep level and expressed that we like each other so we went out for a date.
The date was going really well until she got too drunk – I had to reject her sexual advances because of the state she was in. We kissed, said that we like each other and want to meet up again soon.
I obviously thought it went pretty well with her openly expressing that she wants to meet up again. However, ever since the date she’s ghosted me. I feel really down because this is the first girl I’ve opened up to in years, I thought things were going well and without any explanation she’s gone. I can’t get it out of my head to be honest, it’s a slow burn getting to me and I don’t know what to do. I’m sure it will be fine with time, but it sucks nevertheless.
I wish she could give me some clarity on the situation. Even if it was her telling me that she’s not interested because atleast then I’d be able to accept it and give up hope.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent, I feel better by just writing this
She could be embarrassed about you rejecting her sexually (though it was for sure the right move on your part) and maybe also embarrassed about getting drunk.
Not that that excuses her ghosting you. I’m sorry, it sucks. My boyfriend of one year recently ghosted me just out of the blue. It hurts very badly I know. Even if not being with that person anymore is very sad and would hurt, getting ghosted is just so disrespectful and humiliating on top of it.
I was in a similar situation. Was seeing a girl briefly, she seemingly REALLY liked me (night of our first date she ended up calling me and talking to me till 5 am, saw each other every day for like a week after that). One night she invited me over late at night, obviously we both knew why but she was drunk and half asleep when I got there so I didnt do anything. Next morning she was a little awkward and then she just cut me off later that day.
Personally i think its a defense mechanism. It takes a lot for a girl to be the one to “make the first move” and put herself out there like that so when they’re “rejected” they dont really know how to react or they might take it personally
It’s just part of dating nowadays, i got ghosted aswell by someone i thought things were going well with recently…oh well. I also want to add that you did the right thing of not taking advantage of her when she was drunk. that’s never a risk worth taking.
She may be embarrassed that you turned her down sexually.. Some people feel that’s all they really have to offer. Live with no regrets. You sound like a great person, so it’ll be her lost. Keep thinking she’s gonna end up with some jerk and is gonna regret passing up on you. Dating is tough now a days. M.O.B.
I’ve been in a somewhat similar situation. Women know that the majority of the time, men want sex. So the fact that you rejected the very thing you’re supposedly after, she took that as a rejection of her sex appeal or whatever. It’s easier for her to ghost you than to deal with the aftermath. It sounds childish because it is. There’s not really anything you can do and you did nothing wrong.
The hardest thing you will ever learn in life, is being able to walk away and move along with the reality, even if you don’t have the answer you seek. Life is not fair. I am still learning this super-power as well.
You made the right decision by turning down her advances if she was really drunk. As others have said, better to turn her down and be ghosted than face the consequences of sleeping with a girl who was too drunk to potentially truly give consent.
It’s good to be a guy with morales, there will be someone out there that appreciates that 🙂
>I had to reject her sexual advances because of the state she was in
Yeah well … Rejecting a girl sexually can be a deal breaker. Plenty of reason for this being so
One such reason could be that she is disgusted with herself and how you exposed her
Other could be that she is disappointed with you not showing her a good time, when she offered you that option on a plate.
It takes all kinds and you can guess yourself to death trying to figure these things out. Just shrug shoulders and move on.
If somebody is on a great date and they drink themselves drunk, she probably has her own issues that she is dealing with that have nothing to do with you. It sucks, but you probably dodged a bullet. Hang in there! ♥️
People that do this have reasons I just don’t understand i wish I did it might help me some. My example was to be withsomeone over a year and live together for a year. You would think she would be able to just talk to me. I mean I woild rather be told she met someone new that swept her off her feet and list all feelings for me to move out of her house. That I can respect I may not like it eould hurt but I would know the reason WHY. But to just disappear out of anothers life is extremely cruel and heartless with lack of character. No matter what it is over to bot tell someone why and just turn your back on them. I wouldn’t do that to nut dog. Its wrong you just don’t treat people like that
First time eh?
But if you slept with her while she was trashed, you would’ve been called an asshole.
Or Maybe she took you turning her down and being respectful as a form of reject.
Either way, don’t feel bad about yourself, you did good. Feeling bad is also pointless because you can create all of the story lines in the world in your head and it could be a false reality. It may not be about you at all.
Sometimes its a real blessing in disguise when someone does this…you come off genuine and caring so I have no doubt you will continue to attract like minded dates, she just wasn’t the one. Don’t dig into it too deep, a beautiful soul will find you.
major props to you for declining her advances whilst she was impaired. i wish there were more men like you in the world in that regard. she probably got embarrassed and decided ghosting is the only way to cope with said embarrassment. i know it stings but unfortunately it’s the game these days.
This happened to me by my now ex-girlfriend when my areas covid-19 lockdown began in 2020, I had a feeling she wasn’t happy with me and she left me for another guy. My situation might have been different from yours but I still have felt the excruciatingly slow pain that comes from being ghosted. I have since tried to open up to someone else and it seems to be going well.
My best wishes to you OP,
-rain
I hate being ghosted for no reason whatsoever my last gf I had we dated for two months then out of nowhere ghosted me and I saw her out with another guy two days after she did and I’m right there with you about the hurt I’ve been getting drunk a lot trying to kill the pain but you’ll slowly get over it just will take some time and hopefully we’ll both find the right one when it’s the right time.
I felt the same way. I literally just started to date earlier this year. Cuz I was living in China before and I’ve never had any ‘dates’ before( I’m from a little town and ppl just don’t do this whole date thing there, we just get in to one relationship directly) I got ghosted with my first date here and I still remember how confused I was back then. I assume that’s just how people do nowadays?
You did right thing. Dont worry so much because its all about her, not about you. Just go forward, there are plenty fishes in the sea.
sorry to hear that, it feels suck when the girl ghosted you and without any clarity or reason. I had been on that last year, time makes me not to think about it, but it still making me have lower self confidence.
Dude you didn’t want her anyways. Sounds like she can’t control her alcohol use if she became that forward with you on the first date. Trust me she did you a favor by ghosting you.
Does it have to come from her?
Let me give you some clarity……she dont want you(she just wanted to get SLAYED)and you missed you opportunity!
gentlemen always finish last or rarely finish at all
You have that right. Part of the problem was the input a her best friend The Drunk I call her. Lords what 2 cents she added in interfering
The reason most people ghost is because they are already in a relationship with someone else or they have someone else ready to move on with.
Well, I was ghosted for 2 weeks, by a girl I was with for over a year. After which she broke up with me via text. So don’t feel too bad, some of us had it worse! I know how it feels though, and I sympathize. Some people are just like that.
What the HELL is wrong with these people, someone decided not to communicate with you and INSTEAD of saying FUCK THEM, y’all sit around MENTALLY ABUSING yourself wanting to know why.
They closed the DOOR on your ASS that’s all you need know. So why the HELL are you still PEEPING outta yours hoping to talk to them. Advice here STOP being so DAM WEAK and move the HELL on.