Dating : Guy is scared or playing games
I ( 41F) started dating a guy ( 50M), about a month ago. He’s been after me awhile. ( over a year ) I never was interested, too good looking not to be a player. Decided to give him a shot. And I liked him. First week he suggested meeting up and never fell through. So I did a background search. He had told me he was divorced a year. That was my first question to him actually. Turns out nope. She filed in Dec 2018. He was served April 2019.
I called him out in it and he came clean. With the separation and all that mess. And we vibe well. So I said ok. We can date. And he never set a date or a time. I finally said look. We can’t actually go on a date if you don’t ask and take me on one.
So he did. And we had the BEST time.
I slept with him way too soon. Not going to deny that part.
Moving along he invited me to his ranch. Where his ex moved out a week prior. Doesn’t look like anyone moved out. Looks like a really cool bachelor pad . Like really cool with his Porsche and his other vehicles.
I’m thinking well he’s inviting me to his home. That’s trusting. But I don’t really think he lives there.
Weeks of pursuing me hard. And I fall for it. We don’t even have sex all the time. Just enjoy each other. Talking about raising our teenagers and what life has for us.
He’s been to my house. He showed up one morning unannounced to give me a hug. Took me by surprise but it was nice.
A few days ago he tells me to swing by. And I said no. Working late. And besides I wouldn’t ever just swing by. He got really upset about that and told me how could I ever think I couldn’t just swing by ?
He’s told me everything a woman wants to hear. All. Of. It.
So last Saturday after our Friday date I told him I wanted to see him. He says come by that he and his son are just hanging out drinking and talking. So my friend and I drop by.
He was not excited to see me. He was shocked. And he was clearly looking good and smelling good so either having company or going somewhere.
We didn’t stay long. He never hugged me or kissed me. When we left he blew up my phone telling me how dare I think he was lying and my little stunt was childish and pathetic.
It’s been a few days. He texted today to say he’s read through our thread and realized he can’t give himself to me fully and we can’t date until he can because I deserve that. ( because divorce isn’t final, still in love with her, seeing other people)
He is supposed to be calling this evening to talk about it.
Should I even entertain it? Is he scared because he’s fallen for me ( his words), or did I mess up his game ? Or did I push him away?
I can’t even make a rational decision because my heart is in the way.
Not like I love him. I’m just like why the fuck bring me all this way just to switch gears. I’m very self sufficient. Own a business and raise my kids. What the fuck.
oh hell no. This is one of those times when he is actually and finally telling you what he means and by that, I mean he’s seeing other people, still « in love » with his ex, all that bullshit.
I don’t mean to kick you when you’re down, but you should have cut it off after the first lie. (About being divorced.) You always knew what you were dealing with; you just couldn’t admit it to yourself.
Yeah, he’s playing you.
You were the side piece.
It’s hard to say for sure, but it sounds to me that you guys may have had some unclear expectations that each of you interpreted differently. It’s a really long and often dull conversation (though it doesn’t always have to be), but really talking in detail about what each of you want, what your definitions are of certain words or behaviors and those sorts of things might clear things up. If you guys set clear rules and clear expectations, and then he gets upset even though you stayed within all of the established details, then it’s probably time to move on. This is a pattern with some people, so if he justifies his emotions with unclear rules or changes the rules to suit his desired outcomes then it’s probably going to be a long-term pattern. Might as well nip it off now.
I’ll be harsh. You are too old to be falling for this. He told you to swing by, you did, and somehow you’re now on his shit list… Do better for yourself. Men are a dime a dozen.