Dating : How has « Self Improvement » changed your dating life?
Let’s face it……. **everyone is not created equal.**
Whenever someone has trouble in their dating life **the most common advice is do « Self Improvement. »**
* Lift weights to lose fat and gain muscle
* Go to the gym
* Dress well
* Whiten your teeth
* Practice good hygiene
* Develop your personality
* Have hobbies
Now I know this is good for you but is it worth it. Certain people have an easier time dating because of how they look. **How has « Self Improvement » changed your dating life?**
Any thoughts……..
It hasn’t. I could argue it’s 100 times better now but 100×0 is still 0. But I also didn’t do it for my dating life, I did it because I wanted to.
It had absolutely no effect, dating-wise.
That being said, my attempt at « self-improvement » wasn’t for the purpose of dating, it had more to do with improving my mentality/attitude than anything else, so I didn’t do things like gym (couldn’t justify the expense) or hobbies (I already have hobbies).
At first it made me feel better about myself and feel less depressed overall (which was the whole goal behind it). I tried to force myself to be more confident, but it didn’t really work. Recently I’ve kinda « relapsed » and I’m back to my old self-destructive habits. C’est la vie I guess.
AMA. Self improvement
Gym made me a stronger person mentally and physically. I am quite buff now.
Started dressing a lot better.
Taking care of myself.
Who did I do this mainly for? I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t do it for women. I did it mostly for them. Now I’m carrying on for myself.
Made no difference to my dating life.
I would consider hygiene, fitness, clothing and hobbies to be a baseline.
Self-improvement is about “what next” – e.g. career and/or education trajectory, pushing fitness goals, trying new activities, taking on leadership positions in the community, volunteer work, etc.
But regardless of what we believe “self-improvement” entails, in the end we do it to better ourselves and our community – not necessarily for dating. Any dating benefits are secondary.
I reckon self-improvement activities have three main benefits: growing your confidence through constant accomplishments and achievements, demonstrating your values, and widening your social circles of like-minded people.
(24m) To boost my mental state I got back in the gym (former football player who gained lots of weight) and focused on my career, and having fun alone. The round up:
In the past 2 years I’ve lost nearly 60 pounds of fat, almost 20% overall body fat. Got to a healthy weight and building my frame back up. I’m short but have a good build.
Got a promotion at work, and currently looking to snag another by end of this year.
Finally have the time and money to travel, go to concerts, see things. I bought a convertible, love it.
Overall I havent had a girlfriend in 4 years, and it’s been over 3 since I’ve been intimate with someone. Maybe I am having more fun alone, but reaching all these self improvement goals has done little for my dating prospects. I hang with my friends a lot, started online dating. Nada, zip. I’m usually the center of most social groups, but even if women have fun with me they never seem to want to go to next step. Good luck on building yourself, but dont assume it’s going to lead to an increase in dates.
I went from a 408 lb drunk neckbeard living in my parents house….
To a 230 lb jacked fitness junkie who is sober and independent making great money.
No real change to my dating life. Women don’t care about muscles, being sober is a downside from what I can tell, and unless you’re rich money doesn’t make much difference.
The only self improvement change that has given me any more success with dating is that I learned to stop trying to make women like you, and just be who you want to be, 98% of them aren’t going to want you, so play as many tickets as you can hoping that one of them is a winner.
If you want to be successful at dating, get extremely thick skin, a cold dead heart, and a no quit attitude. That way when you take constant rejection and heart ache, you will be able to endure it, that’s the only way to be successful.
I literally met girls I slept with through running and at the gym. So it helped that part too.
Also, if you start hearing girls you sleep with compliment your body, including almost exactly that scene from crazy stupid love where the girl says she’s not taking off her clothes when she sees you shirtless (in real life they still take off their clothes), it will change your perspective on lifting and staying fit if nothing else has so far.
PS: 5’8″, usually too skinny dude. For those that think you have to be an Olympic swimmer type to stand a chance.
Stop wasting time with masturbating JUST STOP It also do cold showers meditation and dont check all emails and messages and social media when waking up dont eat carbs as breakfast or it will f up your energy and try to get rid of social media addiction
Well it depends on what « self improvement » means. You can improve your physical self to increase your confidence, but I think people focus too much on the « self » part of self improvement if your goal is to find a partner. Try taking stock of your soft skills and what you bring to a partnership. Are you a good listener? Do you express empathy with others’ feelings? Are you patient, understanding and respectful? Do you have what it takes to sustain a partnership?
I went to the gym consistently and got ripped, which allowed me to go on more dates and develop my personal skills. I started to go out with more socially competent friends and slowly became less socially awkward. I began to solo international travel and other cool hobbies that makes me more interesting on dates I guess. It’s definitely has made me more attractive in terms of dating but more importantly has built my self-esteem to the point where I’m perfectly happy with my life regardless of my relationship status. It’s actually allowed me to be more picky and not have to settle. I also may have been a late bloomer and became attractive in my early 20s but idk if that’s cuz of all of the above or cuz I was an ugly duckling lmao
Contrary to many confessions here, self-improvement has helped me in some ways in dating. Mostly it’s the confidence boosts that I get from being healthy, pursuing my goals and loving my work etc. Others sould be like being able to be more open and socializing due to voluntary work. I’m also been able to handle rejections well since I’m delving into entrepreneurship.
That said, basic self-improvement that you’ve listed won’t help out much other than what I’ve stated. What men need to focus is more on dating-self-improvements i.e. game, pick-up, red pill mentality (moderately!), women psychology and of course, practicing consistently.
It hasn’t
Self Improvement is for you. Women already prefer a certain type of look in men. If you’re not over 6 ft, with a handsome face, if you’re not white… you’re fucked.
If you look good you feel good. Your favorite shirt brings you a nice feeling when you wear it for a reason. Whether it makes you look thinner/bigger whatever. If you like the way you look you will feel better and more confident therefore happier. You wont feel as intimidated talking to someone or starting a conversation. Your self worth has risen to the point of your own satisfaction so you have nothing to lose, not that you did before. You’d be surprised how many women (or men) areactially down to earth once you talk to them.
>Now I know this is good for you but is it worth it
Yes, because it’s good for you.
Even if your dating life remains stagnant, you will be better off, and you will feel better, happier, and more actualized. Other aspects of your life will improve, and you’ll be better prepared for all the shit that life throws at you (because life throws shit at all of us).
And eventually, when you do meet someone worth pursuing, you’ll have so many more tools for the chase, and will be much more appealing to that person.