Dating : How much porn consumption is normal?
I started dating a guy (24M) that has had a crush on me for several years and my friend decided to tell me and set us up. I’ll admit that I wasn’t thrilled about him because he’s not my physical type (shorter than my usual partners, bad hairline etc).
We hit it off and he had a very magnetic personality. Fast forward 2 months and we were hanging out at his place when I asked him if I could log onto my Hulu on his computer so we could watch a show together. He said sure and gave me the passcode to his laptop, first thing that shows up when I open is literally a porn video.
He was right next to me and looked embarrassed but I asked him how often he watches and he told me everyday usually. He’s a virgin so I was already skeptic about his bedroom skills but now that I know he watches porn that much and probably learns from those videos, I am completely uninterested in him. I left his place and haven’t returned his calls since then.
I feel really shallow because part of the reason I was so turned off is probably that he watches so much porn because he can’t get that much sex. It’s an awful thing to think but that was the first thing that came to my mind. I am also slightly annoyed that I dated « down » in attractiveness so much and he turned out to not even be worth it
Are there men that watch it that much? Is ghosting this guy okay or should I tell him why I am no longer interested?
Tell him your not interested if your not. Don’t ghost. Its confusing to people no matter the reason.
Daily porn viewing is extremely normal, especially considering he’s not getting any action in his life. Why would you expect someone to just ignore their own needs based on prudish preconceptions?
You saying that you’re are angry that someone you « dated down » with has a single issue(debatable if it even is a issue) was cringe af. You feel shallow cause you are.
If any women who I had dated in the past had the audacity to say they are dating down I would just have walked out of the date and deleted their number. Smh lol
Considering his age and virginity he is quite typical in his porn consumption. You’ll probably never meet someone who doesn’t consume porn at around that rate, just people who are better at hiding it.
Also tell him why you are no longer interested in him, ghosting is what immature people do. Heck, by communicating this to him he could be willing to make a change.
i’m a guy and i think you are ok making the decision you did, however after two months i do think that you should be straight up with him and let him know that you didn’t approve of the frequency of his habit. it doesn’t have to be anything more than that, i just don’t think porn is good and i think it could go a long way in helping him stop watching it so often.
Definitely agree it’s nicer to let him know you’re not interested at least. As far as normal, I can’t comment on that as I don’t know anything about statistics and only have anecdotal offerings. I’m a woman who has been married and in multiple relationships/flings and I wouldn’t consider daily abnormal for a virgin guy. Hell, I’ve watched quite a bit myself whether in a relationship or not, but I struggle with imagination and am a visual person myself. I’ve never spent hours, or really even minutes, at a time consuming it, and it’s possible this guy doesn’t spend that much time with it either – who knows. Everyone has a different libido and way they take care of them self. If you’re not comfortable with it, you can make it a boundary and vet for the future.
Daily sounds pretty crazy to me. Maybe during my teens I would watch almost everyday since it was pretty new to me but now I probably watch once every other month
I suggest being a decent person and explaining why you’re not interested. Pretty shallow reasoning IMO. Good luck finding a 24 year old guy who doesn’t watch porn. There was a covid statistic about some guys jerking off 3+ times a day so just daily now is prob considered light consumption.
Well obviously it was a stupid move to leave porn open on his computer so it was the first thing that would be seen when you turn on the computer, but I’m not sure it’s a sign that he’s consuming a huge amount of it.
I don’t think it’s normal for guys in their 20s to watch it that much. My long distance boyfriend doesn’t watch it at all and neither do I anymore because there is no need to. We’re both busy people and when we get in bed it’s to go to sleep because we’re tired. I have a high libido, but between my 9-5, going to the gym, and my passion project I don’t really have an urge so bad I need to watch porn. I think it’s normal to be turned off so don’t feel bad.
If it helps, if he thought you were ugly he wouldn’t have given you a chance so don’t feel like you’re the shallow one. I rarely see guys being pressured into dating women they find unattractive who have good personalities, but somehow I see a lot of women being told to give unattractive guys a chance. I don’t think you need to tell him why you don’t want to talk to him because you’re not his dating coach. I would just tell him you’re not interested so he stops calling.
I understand the porn stuff is weird, and if you’re going to ghost him for that fine, but why the virgin shaming? We all gotta start somewhere and it’s just very disheartening to see more and more women view male virginity as a red flag. As a 21M virgin myself, how are we ever supposed to get better, if no one wants to date us because we’ve never had sex? Reading stuff like this just brings me closer and closer to just giving up with dating since it’s just not going to happen. I guess we just have to lie about being experience since that’s the only chance we have.
It is normal until you feel it is not normal. If your guy is not insecure about it, it is fine (otherwise he would probably lie to you about frequency). He likely has high libido.
P.S. For your own sanity, you should tell him, that you are not interested in someone like him instead of ghosting. At the end it was two month.
I’m probably going to get downvoted given the answers on this thread.
A couple things, you don’t owe him a chance or an opportunity if you’re not interested in him. All the guys saying “good luck finding a guy who doesn’t watch porn everyday”, dont set themselves to very high standards.
Screw that.
Daily porn is not normal. Not for adult men. So many reasons why this is weird but I’m not going to go down that road.
It would probably be kind to let him know you aren’t interested in seeing him anymore, but you do not owe him an explanation why so that “he can improve” himself as others suggested.
It’s not your job as a woman to offer a man critiques so that he may become a more eligible bachelor. You’re not his life coach. You were a potential partner who is no longer interested.
Even if you told him, (from my experience) it would probably just make him better at hiding his issues from other women.
You do you, girl.
Some things to keep in mind as you read these comments:
1. Reddit is full of porn so a lot of people consume it frequently here (I’d guess higher than average)
2. A man who watches porn is highly motivated to try and get you to believe that watching porn is something all men do
Daily is way too much. (Plus, “everyday” does not equal once a day, it could mean 2x a day or more). I’m honestly anti any porn, but your boundary of dating someone who only watches it weekly is easily achievable.
Finally, never date down in attractiveness. There are kind people and crappy people at every attractiveness level. Dating down doesn’t get you a higher chance at a smarter, better man. So you’re better off setting a standard of what you’re looking for in all aspects and just filtering for that.
Many people need reality checks on what they can “afford” attractiveness-wise, but if you’re able to find committed boyfriends who are attractive to you this is not your problem.
Everyday sounds crazy to me. You should tell him that him being a virgin and watching porn everyday was a weird combo.
Don’t stress about finding a guy that doesn’t consume that much porn, it’s definitely possible. My current boyfriend prefers making videos together rather than watching some random people bang
Just a tip of advice if you’re going to call him. Don’t shame his behavior, that’ll just make him more scared to talk about it openly with you.
Sounds like this has less to do with porn and more to do with you finding an excuse to ghost him, since as you said, you’re « dating down »
You were always going to ghost him because you never found him attractive in the first place
For someone who’s not dating or having sex porn consumption is pretty normal. Though the « dating down » makes you sound pretty shallow considering everything you’ve mentioned is very normal. Hair line and height… not much control over that. Embarrassing porn mistake is literally just that, and embarrassing mistake. Seems like your main qualities your seeking in a guy are looks and sexual experience. Everyone’s values and wants are different I guess. Honestly feel sorry for this guy based on your post.
Tell him how the porn made you feel and that you are no longer interested because of that. Don’t ghost. It’s never okay and very hurtful to the person on the receiving end.
Stop listening to all these crazy folks saying watching porn every day is normal. It’s not. It may be « typical » but it is in no sense a healthy behavior. You can find someone who at least doesn’t watch it that much.
These comments are making me think 99% of men aren’t having sex daily and therefore need to watch actors doing it in their place.
OP, there are absolutely men who aren’t jerking off to porn everyday especially in relationships. Keep your boundaries and cut this guy loose by telling him he has an issue.
Sounds like a loser. I am a guy and cut out porn usage after coming across a chilling video. Try to date guys with options not dudes that can’t get laid
As much as the person wants I think
You said you werent thrilled about it. You said he was not your physical type. You said he had a magnetic personality. You dated for two months. You felt shallow yet you are annoyed because you dated down, and you claim it not to be worth it? And to top it all, he had a crush on you for years.
You are certainly not obligated to do anything, but tha kind of behaviour is very, very shallow. So many red flags and inconsistencies. Not only you obviously dated him for 2 entire months while its obvious you did not like him in the first place, not initiating sex and then you literally shame him on porn consumption (ok, a problem, but it has nothing to do with you dating), and then the virgin shaming.
You should def not ghost him and explain properly, you do owe him that much, but there will be no really nice way to end it, if the guy is sane at all he will either be crushed, super pissed or both, with good reason. And he had a long time crush on you to boot.
What on earth made you date him if you are/were clearly not interested in him in the first place? Boredom? You both wasted time and he fared of much worse, and its not even really his fault.
Edit: to at least answer the question. As much as it does not interfere with your daily life or make someone do bad/weird things. Young men watching porn, virgins even, very common and to be expected. Truly daily is maybe addiction, but is much less of a problem than drug or alchohol addiction, to the average relationship. Hell most guys (and virgins) do it out of loneliness, and as such is easily fixed once in a relationship. Watching porn is by no means a proper measure of quality of a man or woman.