Dating : I (22f) honestly feel so defeated. (Long read)
I’ve never posted anything on here before but I think this is a good place vent about what I’ve been feeling for the past few months.
3 months ago my boyfriend broke up with me for the 5th time in the one year we’ve been together but instead of me crying and asking him why like I’ve done each time I just blocked him and deleted his number, he was the only real relationship I’ve ever had and I should’ve ended it way before but I’m just glad it’s over and done with now. I’ve always had low self esteem growing up but I have gotten over a lot of the things in my childhood that caused it and was ready for something different, better than I had.
A couple weeks after the breakup I met someone else on tinder, he seemed very sweet and genuine and I had told him about the breakup and he said he didn’t mind as long as I wasn’t trying to rebound which honestly I was not, I knew I wanted to start something new with someone new and I made that very clear and he said he wanted the same, next thing I knew I was staying over his house, having at home dinner dates with him and checking on his dog if he was going to be home late. It was very different from my old relationship he had even told me that he wanted to meet my family and friends, I honestly was really happy to know that I could really have something so nice like this.
Of course you could imagine the slap in the face when I got a text out of the blue telling me « let’s just be friends, ok? » I was so confused because this happened the day after he told me he wanted to meet my family and i just burst into tears in the middle of work and didn’t have the strength to even try to text him back until I got home and texted him why, I didn’t get a response for three days and it was just him telling me how he just didn’t want to lead me on and he was being too nice. I honestly felt my heart broke because I was so convinced I had found someone who actually cared about how I felt and to get hit with something like that stirred up old ugly feelings in me that I haven’t felt in years and now im feeling so defeated and helpless.
I just wanted to ramble here and try to make sense of it all. Again so sorry for shitty format
Nah you’re fine. This is just standard dating experiences.
Even if you don’t think its a rebound…sometimes it is. Your brain can make you feel things that you can’t control. Just like you continued staying with your ex even after multiple breakups. Its something you need to figure out and fix or you’ll keep ending up in these situations.
Remember, at a certain point, its on you to adjust/evolve. People who blame it on bad luck or « the dating gods dont want me to be happy » will never improve. Think about taking more time for yourself. Even if you think you’re ready to be with somebody, you may not be…and this recent episode is proof of that. He clearly wasnt ready, even though he said he was going to be ready. See how that works? It was bad timing on both sides, and it hurts even more because you had expectations. People need to take more time between relationships.
Again, its gonna be fine. You dont want to be with people like that anyways.
Its the cliche advice, but stop thinking about dating and try to figure yourself out. Try to understand what you want and what you dont want. Learn a skill, pick up a hobby…do things that benefit you personally whether its health or experience. Through doing this, its inevitable you meet new people. Try to make things as natural as possible, because Tinder/Bumble is 99% bullshit.
Happens sometimes. I know right now you feel helpless and defeated but believe me you will find someone worthy enough to make you really happy. It is just a process of finding him. May be he did not felt that way or may be he was just working his own issue or may be he was just a arrogant idiot but there is nothing to blame yourself for what happen. You went out and tried to find someone. You were brave enough.
I’ve been through a similar situation myself. (Also a 22F.) I had a horrible boyfriend, ended with him cutting off the relationship. I was a wreck and didn’t think I could catch feelings for someone for a long time because he treated me so poorly and I didn’t want to go through that again. Low and behold, this guy comes out of NOWHERE and steals my heart. It was like nothing I could have imagined. We had so much in common to the point where he was basically me in man form. We went on dates, stayed up late talking in my car, spoke on the phone for hours, etc. Eventually he invited me to his place to go snowboarding together. I broke my wrist that day and he treated me like a freaking princess. I spent the night and the next day he waited till the last minute to send me off. After that, he started talking to me less and less until it got to the point where I realized he had never been that serious about me and he was going on dates with other women. It’s been months and I’m still a wreck.
However, I’m very centered now. I’m graduating college early, I’ve got straight A’s right now, I’ve got a ton of travel opportunities coming up, etc. Yes, I still feel like shit about him. BUT I found myself and my work ethic, and things are falling into place for me now. Perhaps that’s what’s happening here for you. 22 is a great age to start grinding and doing what you want. Work hard so you can make yourself smile. 🙂
80 20 rule