Dating : I did not touch her out of shyness, now she keeps not responding
Hi everyone,
I am 28 and I never had a really satisfying relationship. By the grace of God I clicked with a beautiful intelligent girl and we had two amazing dates. I was ecstatic but I could not muster the courage to kiss her or even to touch her, even when it was very clear that she was expecting that. The second date was in a swimming pool and she kept playing with me, throwing water at me, etc..
I do not know if that’s the reason but now she always says that she is busy, working, etc.. even in the weekend. She responds to my texts but seems not enthusiastic at all, sometimes it takes her many hours to respond. For example, I offered her to meet at 9 PM and she said that she stops working at 6 PM and is not comfortable remaining in town just to wait…
For sure I do not know what is going in her head but my assumption is that my shyness in getting a contact from her has been misinterpreted. I come from a religious home and I always had a certain tension around sex and touching. The question is: her lack of enthusiasm is reversible or did I lose her already?
I think you should tell her that you have felt shy to make a move. She may think you are not attrwxyed ton her, so she won’t waste her time on you. Be up-front and explain exactly how you feel about her. If you dont, you will continue this pattern and be unsuccessful
Be straight up, and understand that she may reject you because of it. Some women have ass-backwards views on « masculinity » and the man needing to take the lead on everything, if she happens to be one of those types after you’re honest with her, just forget it and move on. Don’t invest a bunch of time and energy trying to be something you’re not for someone else.
Let me say it this way.
I think you not making a move brought you here. I and other countless men have done it plenty of times.
Here’s the thing tho, if you’re scared of what might happen because you go for the kiss, then just think about what happened with this girl.
If doing it or not doing it is going to the potentially garner the same results, then wouldn’t it be better for you to take “risky but rewarding” route?? At least you might get something.
Just go for it next time when you see another opportunity.
The only thing you can do here for this situation is to give her space. I’d forget about her for at least a little bit.
Good luck
Wow 2nd date at a pool? I would definitely think she is fine with showing some skin and wanting skinship.
However, don’t beat yourself up for it progressing at her rate. Go at the rate you’re comfortable with. if that’s her deal breaker, then it’s okay . it just means you two aren’t a match, so keep on looking
But don’t give up yet if you think that is the reason. Just let her know and see if she will give another chance if you are interested in that.
Sounds like you’ve been friendzoned on account of seeming like you don’t know what you want.
Date #3 would not be any different from the others so maybe she’s done.
Maybe just be straight up instead of beating around the bush and asking for dates. And seriously if you’re gonna be the one asking for a date…don’t make HER wait 3hours because YOU want to see her…and then only act friendly.
Sorry, dude. I feel like I’m in the same boat. Have a second date coming up tomorrow and I really want to escalate physical touch to the point of trying for a kiss at the end, but I feel so awkward about even wanting that. My shyness does the same things to me. I try to be too respectful and it ends up hurting my chances.
But if I were you, I’d make it clear to her you really wanted to do something like that. Let her know in your own way that you do find her attractive, and maybe the rest can flow from there. At least if you have a firmer idea that she’s expecting it, it will be easier for you.
I was in a simmilar situation. It only worked because *she* reached out and texted me asking what I actually wanted, and then that night, in person, with some effort (mostly hers), she managed to make convince me that there is nothing scary about sex, that it was only some insecurities. We are no longer together, but a nice place at heaven is reserved for her, I tell you.
Anyway. Be honest. Being honest not only takes balls, but will also take her confusion away. And I don’t mean being blunt as in « I want to be inside you! ». I mean speaking with sincerity. There is nothing bad in admitting you are shy and asking her for some help or guidance. And if she thinks it’s bad, then she is wrong, and maybe she was not for you anyways. Being there for each other is a big part of relationships after all.