Dating : I suddenly started missing him again and being confused about the relationship.
Me and my bf of 2 and a half years broke up 3 months ago and a few weeks ago I was feeling much better and was looking hopeful for the future and only slightly missing him. But over the past few days I’ve been missing him really badly and am confused again. I don’t know if it’s because me and my family aren’t in good terms right now/ my mental health is very bad right now/I don’t have many plans recently or is it I’ve genuinely started missing him again.
I’ve been feeling so awful about myself and just feel like a shit person because of my behaviour and toxicity in the relationship and I can’t help but want to punish myself for that. But the thing with our relationship was that he gaslighted me a lot and I didn’t realise this until a few weeks after the relationship ended, it kinda hit me like a bus that he wasn’t all innocent and he also did a lot of stuff wrong too.
I guess there a few reasons why I’m still confused: why am I missing him still after all the stuff both of us have done, our relationship was fairly toxic. He was also a very unpredictable person so one time he would be the most amazing supportive boyfriend and bought me flowers everyday and fought my corner then the other minute he wasn’t taking any responsibility for his actions and kept saying I ‘misunderstood the situation’ and ‘I didn’t do that’ and ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ so I don’t know if I’m making the gaslighting up and he was great and I was the only toxic one because how can someone change from the perfect boyfriend (and I’m not just saying this, at times he was exactly what an amazing bf should be like and planned amazing thoughtful dates and told me he loved me so many times a day for example) to someone who isn’t very nice, that much of change doesn’t seem possible.
Even though all my friends and family say he’s manipulative and abusive I still don’t know if I’m in denial and am trying to blame him even though it’s my fault, I don’t know if I should trust their judgement. I just want to find out the truth so I can improve as a person and move on from him, i know it will hurt if it’s all my fault but it’s better than living blaming someone who only tried to love me.
I think you miss having someone you can be with, the companionship and good times, this also happens to me with an ex. But ive noticed it really only happens when im feeling down or it didnt work out like I wanted with someone new ive dated. Its not that I miss him, because the relationship wasnt healthy, but I miss having someone to share life with. Maybe thats what it is for you too?