Dating : I’m [23M] Getting Signals From A Coworker [30F]
Also posted on /r/dating_advice but thought I’d post here as well.
Okay, need some help here, this has been eating at me and I’m not sure what to do.
Background: I’ve never dated anyone, in fact I’ve never really felt an attraction to anyone before this girl. I’ve worked at my company for four years, and I’ve known this girl for about three. She works at a separate office a couple hours away that I visit about once a month (this is a small business (<100) and I’m the sole IT employee for both locations).
I’ve worked with her for years and we’ve always been friendly in the professional sense. But recently, she’s been really flirty with me, or at least as best as I can gather. I’m generally not good at reading people and I’m pretty sure I’ve never been flirted with before this, I’m not the most attractive person. Imagine your average slightly-overweight IT guy who wears plaid dress shirts, can’t grow a beard, and still has latent acne.
Last time I was at her office she was overly attentive towards me, every time I walked by her desk she would say heyyyyy, and call my name. I was working on some equipment and she came over and leaned in really close for a bit but didn’t say anything. She also wanted me to eat lunch with her (we did the time before when I was there). I didn’t this time though, I went out, which I kind of felt bad about afterwards. Finally, when I was about to leave, she got really excited and ran over and gave me a hug, which has never happened before. I’ve seen her dozens of times over the years and she’s never behaved this way towards me.
And, yes, I’m into her, very much so in fact. Until she started behaving « weird » around me I wasn’t, she was just another coworker. But something clicked, and now I can’t get her out of my head. I mean literally, I can’t stop thinking about this girl, it’s keeping me up at night and my stomach has been in knots for the last few days. It’s not a sexual thing though, she’s very attractive but I just want to be with her romantically, if that makes any sense.
So, I’m trying to figure out how to go about this without eating my balls. I don’t know if she’s in a relationship, and I don’t want to make a move and then have everything be awkward forever after. Also since this is such as small company EVERYONE will be gossiping about it either way. If she worked somewhere else I would’ve asked her out already, but because of the situation I’m in I have half a mind to just drop it and try to get her out of my head. But there’s the « what-if » factor if she says yes, which would change my life.
My best friend’s advice has been « go for it » but I’m still on the fence.
Sorry for the long-winded post. Any advice would be appreciated.
TL;DR: I think this girl is into me but due to her being a coworker I’m scared to make a move.
Give her the opportunity to give you the opportunity.
What I mean by that is
She’s already invited you for food so it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for you to walk up to her and say “hey I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to grab food with you last time but if you want to go for lunch today that’d be cool” and ask her what places she really likes around there.
Over lunch you can chat about work but then you can ask about what she likes to do outside of work. If you have any shared interests then you can ask for more details and perhaps she will even invite you to join in. If not you can invite her to do something social outside of work.
It doesn’t have to be black and white
(“will you go out with me?) and if she’s into you she can close the gap a bit by creating a chance for you two to spend more time together.