Dating : Is there anything wrong with not wanting to be alone ?
Dating « experts », self-help authors, they all spout the same thing over and over again. Money won’t you make happy. A relationship won’t make you happy. This won’t make you happy. That won’t make you happy. Now guess what people this is usually coming from : People who have these things.
Citing famous people who have these things who have still gone mad is not a good argument. Fame is an absurd state of being. Citing yourself or other people you know is a not a great argument either. If money won’t solve someone’s problem, that doesn’t mean it won’t solve the other person’s problem. Maybe money is exactly what that person needs to aquire the means to better his situations. Maybe a partner is exactly what that person needs.
I wonder if it’s time to abandon this idea of complete emotional autonomy that has been hammered into us by the media. There’s also this idea that a man is not a man if he can’t be alone. A woman is not an enlightened woman and she shouldn’t « need a man ». It alsmost becomes like this weird battle of the sexes. But there shouldn’t be a battle. There should be cooperation. I honestly don’t think that man or woman are completely complete without oneanother and that’s fine and not a sign of weakness.
I feel we need to tell people that it’s perfectly okay to crave intimacy and that doesn’t mean that one is running away from their problems. For God’s sake, we’re humans. We are built for connection and we shouldn’t be shamed for not wanting to be alone.
I don’t think people are casting aside the value of human connection. Rather, people are advocating not putting all of your eggs in one basket. Basically what people are saying is “I’m going to be happy with or with out a relationship. With is good but without is also A-okay”
I always found the loneliness trap to be a deliciously vicious paradox. “You’re lonely because you’re not with someone, you’re not with someone because they’re repelled by you, they’re repelled by you because you’re lonely. Your beatings will continue until your morale improves.”
I think it’s fine to not want to be alone.
I agree there is a little too much focus on how we « don’t need each other. » As far as I can tell we’re stuck with each other so we should make the best of it. 🙂
Nah … It’s not the fact that you don’t want to be alone that is the issue.
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It’s being needy and pushy that is. Giving the other person the impression that you’re just interested in anyone and want to box her in simply cause you’re lonely.
Apparently we hate ourselves.
Eh. When I am healthy emotionally… I am content on my own. We all need intimacy to a degree. Whether that’s family, friends, pets, a fulfilling hobby… you can take care of physical needs without it needing to be emotionally intimate or another person involved.
You don’t need money but to provide the items for a happy life(not just basic necessities but also a new shampoo or soap etc). You don’t need a lot of things if you are content within yourself. That varies. Some people need and crave social interaction. That’s ok.
I think where it’s problematic is when codependency drives choices. Everyone will have different degrees of it being healthy.
We are all different.
There is no one rule for that. Be kind and be decent. That’s the rule. Live compassionately. Be happy in your own skin. Those are what I think the rules of life … I’d never claim them to be the absolute rules. I am just out here living. That’s how I function in life.
I’m completely complete on my own. I don’t need a man to complete me.
My armchair psychology theory is there’s a lot of people on here who are codependent and in denial of it. They want to convince themselves they don’t care about ending up alone, and they want to convince themselves that makes them more likable as well because they secretly want a relationship. But it’s paradoxical because they’re caring about being likable but also trying to not care about being alone.
They preach the « be alone » mantra so much because they’re bothered by seeing people’s venting about their legitimate loneliness (which they can’t distinguish from their own codependence).
In a nutshell, they’re scared of ending up alone and want to run away from that fear.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not wanting to be alone. I think people have different degrees of emotional needs. Some people are largely fine on their own, others really feel better with a partner.
I’m kind of the latter, I feel much better when I’m partnered. It doesn’t make me any less complete as a single, it’s just an acknowledgment that I have specific needs as a person.
I think this is all a personal choice and people shouldn’t be always worried about what others think.
Do you want to be alone? Okay.
Do you want to be in a relationship? Okay.
There’s so many different interpretations here.
You can crave intimacy and want to be in love AND be happy being single. All those things can be true.
I’m not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I believe there is a big difference between « needing » someone and « wanting » someone. I think if you feel like you Need someone, that might cause issues with choosing the right person. Now for me, wanting to have someone in your life is absolutely fine. I think you are less likely to get into a bad situation.
I’ll say it this way. If you expect to be happier with more things in your life to be responsible for, you truly have no concept of what happiness is. People always have this fairy tale notion that a relationship will make them happy. But if you’re a sad sack while you’re single, you’ll be a sad sack when you aren’t, and nobody is going to stick around for your sorry ass.
You have to learn to be happy with what you have, or you’ll have no appreciation when you have more. It’s called taking things for granted. When you’re already in the habit, it’s not hard to continue it. I’ve been there. i WAS the sad sack. I was pathetic. It got to the point I wanted to die. But you know what I learned from that experience? Nobody owes any of us a fucking thing. They can leave you to rot in a gutter full of shit and it’s not them who’s wrong for doing it. It’s the victim who’s wrong for fucking letting them, and laying in it peacefully like a moron!
Nobody alive has the ability to bring the dead back to life, so if you want to act like a corpse, be ready to be treated like one. If you choose not to live your life, you never deserved it anyway.
There’s nothing one with wanting one but it’s about learning to cope without one
No where it gets hard is depending on someone else to make you happy. It puts lots of pressure on relationships
I keep hearing people say « A relationship won’t make you happy, » but I also keep hearing people say « My partner makes me so happy » and « I’ve never seen my friend / family member this happy before they were in this relationship. »
I have enough money for everything I need and many of the things I want, and I still have depression, so yes, technically, money cannot guarantee happiness for every person in every situation. But because of my money, at least I can afford therapy. It doesn’t necessarily make me happy, but I would be even more unhappy without it. Same with a relationship: a partner would not solve every problem in my life, but at least I would have an emergency contact. At least I wouldn’t have spent a year in quarantine with literally no physical human contact of any kind except for the doctor who performed a rectal exam on me (not the kind of physical contact I would recommend, no matter how touch-starved you are!). Money and a decent partner are safety nets: they don’t guarantee that nothing bad will ever happen to you, but they soften the blow when bad things do happen.