Dating : Online dating sucks
Just to give you all a bit of background:
I’m 28 years old (29 soon).
Male, single, no kids, never dated.
Been living in Massachusetts for almost 2 years.
Have a full-time job.
*This is going to seem a bit of a rant on my part but I have to get this off my chest (I apologize beforehand).
Since entering college I have mustered up the courage to let girls know in person that I find them attractive and asked them out on a date only to be shot down. They have either told me they started dating someone or just got out of a long-term relationship and what hurts me the most is being told more than once that they liked me but I just had bad timing, « if only they had met me sooner ». Might have been all lies, who knows.
Been considered a weird guy for liking gaming, anime, and Korean dramas. Believed there would be others like me and that I should find someone with those common interest. So when I moved to Massachusetts I decided to give online dating a shot (since I was pretty much busy with work). Thought to myself, » hey at least this ensures they are also interested in finding someone ».
–WAS I WRONG!–
The first account I made was on Tinder. Quickly noticed girls don’t like or super like here in Massachusetts, so that was going nowhere, as the only way to make a match was by super liking someone myself.
Opened a Bumble account. Erased it after noticing that most of the profiles involved girls wanting to travel the world and no one with said common interests.
Decided to go ahead and open an OK Cupid account and believe it or not had better results in terms of matching with promising prospects.
Problem was that after matching with 7 girls on OK Cupid and 2 on Tinder. We would chat for the first day and they would show a lot of interest. The second day of chatting involved a few exchanges. And by the third day onward they would just disappear making me feel depressed (thinking I did something wrong). Thought to myself: « must be that they think I will just chat and not want to meet with them in person ». Asked them if they would like to go out, but no reply. If I was lucky they would get a single reply after a few days saying they have a hectic work schedule or « I’m just not on the app all the time ».
*SPOILER-here comes the rant
Why would they join a dating site If they didn’t have the time? Isn’t communication an important aspect of every relationship? Is it so hard to dedicate 30 minutes to someone you have feelings for?
Heard so many stories of people breaking up because they couldn’t handle a long distance relationship after spending more than a year living together. Having a relationship where it’s just text is like having all your senses dulled and only half the message is understood. We are social beings and receive a lot of input from intonation and body language.
Long story short: My heart is broken and I’m seriously considering calling it quits and living the rest of my life alone.
you gotta make moves faster. I had the SAME problem, we would match, chat, and the sparks were gone and that was the end.
I learned dating is VERY proactive, especially for men. You have to be the initiator most of the time. so I started doing some things differently, once we’ve been talking for a couple days and some basic exchange of info has happened, i ask for her number and then start texting her. after maybe a week of texting, i wait till i know she’s somewhere she’s not busy, and i ask would you like a surprise? they yes or something like that, and then i call them. it throws so many girls off and ive had a 100% success rate with it. You HAVE to be different, you HAVE to do things differently than other guys. otherwise, in her eyes, how are you any different then all the other guys hounding her
>They have either told me they started dating someone or just got out of a long-term relationship and what hurts me the most is being told more than once that they liked me but I just had bad timing, « if only they had met me sooner ». Might have been all lies, who knows.
It was all lies, 100% guaranteed. If a girl likes you enough, just getting out a relationship is no excuse.
You need to read between the lines here. If girls are giving silly excuses like this (including the other excuse « I’m just not on the app all the time »), it’s because you aren’t attractive enough to them and they don’t consider you a priority in their lives.
If Zac Efron or Brad Pitt or [insert other hot celebrity] contacted them and asked for a date, they’d drop all their plans immediately. She would suddenly devote all her time and attention to that man. They would probably sleep with him pretty soon, confess her love for him early on, make time for him. She’s not doing that with you.
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So in conclusion: if a girl is putting obstacles in the way or giving weird excuses, it’s because she doesn’t like you enough. Every girl in OLD has hundred of guys messaging them. They can only date so many at once. They are naturally going to pick the hottest guys and reject the others. Although they will rarely outright reject you, they will just give excuse after excuse until you get the message.
Online dating is definitely not helping most guys considering the archetype most women refuse to stray from. Considering youre into some weebery Id suggest finding a community, preferably as local as you can get. Theres a ton of women into anime and games and general nerdiness… theyre just unicorns so you cant expect them to be common. Just as well, youd be surprised who may live a mile away.
Check out events too like conventions. What matters is meeting people.
>If they didn’t have the time?
Online girls have access to practically all single men in Massachusetts and men don’t talk to one girl at a time, so they have interest from so many angles and sides.
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Try making a fake profile online where you take some random pics of some average not particularly pretty girl (go on facebook and find a girl that lives in Germany, so no one gets hurt)
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Watch how 100s of men start to chase you.
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Online is stiff competition. I mean you can feel sorry for yourself, but that will get you nowhere. Basically either you dive in and energically make the best of every single match you receive or you quit.
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Also if you’re just average looking then expect very few matches. As said they have the entire Massachusetts at their feet. Even if they give up on the most pretty looking then there is still hordes of men that look better than you do while having mostly the same interests like you
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Best of luck whatever you do, but online is just not a world that allows for navel gazing.
Well, sometimes people get cought in their daily things , and don’t think much about wether a person who is technically still a stranger have messaged them or not (if I understood you correctly, you were chatting only for a few days, and never even met).
Demanding them to write back might often come off as being too clingy, and is therefore generally a big no-no. You have mentioned, that they should have time for someone who they have feelings for, and you are absolutely right in that, but on the other hand: you can’t expect them to have feelings for someone who is technically still a stranger.
Sure, being ghosted is one of the worst feelings, and sadly in the world of online dating it seems a common way to go to simply ignore those who you are not interested in anymore, but that’s just how things seem to be. So yeah, sometimes it’s indeed a rejection, but in a lot of cases people can get indeed overwhelmed by everyday tasks, and simply not thinking about the dating apps and sites. If you just write them, and then simply don’t think about them until they answer might be the best way to go, if they write back, you talk, if they don’t then since you weren’t even thinking about them it will be easier for you to forget about them and just focus on those who actually write you back.
I hope that this might help you!
But. You’re assuming all kinds of things and not living in reality. Let me break it down for you bud: you’re entering into a competition with hundreds, even thousands of other men. It’s survival of the fittest. You *assume* that this other person has feelings for you – a lot of times they don’t care; you’re one out of many. You talk way too much over text and *even though you’re the one doing it* (talking too much over text), you complain about it and keep doing it – how do you think that works?
You need to get some experience. I have no trouble getting matches, responses, or dates – I do have trouble finding anyone decent that actually wants to date. In the sea of many, many are taken in by those that *look great on the surface*, but really aren’t worth the time of day. Women get loaded up on compliments from all sides – hell one of the reasons they like me I don’t compliment shit! I give them a hard time if anything, yet guess who always texts back? (Even double texts – I get those a lot).
Sooo learn the game. Learn how not to get played. Learn how women think and how dating now operates. I’ll give you a secret – it’s not that hard. The HARD part is putting up with this BS as you work your way through matches trying to find « the one ». The fact you say ‘never dated’ is a huge red flag. I don’t know how you get to 29 without dating *anyone*, but my thought would be something’s wrong with you. That may not be the case, but it’s weird. Whatever you’re doing, you need to reexamine objectively with honest introspection.
This is super frustrating… Online dating for girls is HARD. It’s hard to find quality amongst the hundreds of gym pics and cheesy, meaningless, pick-up lines.
Don’t blame girls, blame the desperate guys who reach for girls based on shallow intent without actual personal interest. That’s what makes girls abandon the apps and give up. It’s exhausting.
I personally only *match* or message if I’m oddly attracted or have genuine interest based on details in their profile. It seriously doesn’t help when so many guys have pity posts on their profile (aka, ‘why bother, most accounts on here are fake anyways), or super vague (‘just ask’).
My advice- Match/like/message only out of GENUINE interest and presumed compatibility based on similarities… Initiate conversation based on whatever commonality drew you to that person and you have a MUCH better chance of getting response and successful conversation.
Also, sometimes, people really ARE super busy… if you feel you’ve made genuine connection, don’t overwhelm her with follow up messages just because she hasn’t been responsive enough to your liking. IF she reciprocates the interest, she will message you back when she can.
Always glad to see other guys like me going through the shitshow. I don’t have advice just want to join in the ranting. Everything sucks and I hope we both come across some incredible stroke of luck. Until then, lift weights until you feel like superman.
Yeah I hate online dating honestly. I think it’s only for people who are very appealing as a potential date or people who have a lot of energy (but then people with energy can probably find better ways to meet people). There are many reasons a girl will get on a dating app or website. Considering how little energy it takes to open an app and swipe left and right, they can go to it just because they’re bored. They can go to it because they want attention. They can go to it for a lot of reasons and many of those reasons don’t require her to be serious about actually meeting someone. Maybe she just wants to hear she’s pretty? On top of that once you do get a message from them, they will often give one word replies without really investing any energy in trying to get to know you. There are some that are serious too, but it might be hard to find them.
I’ve only gotten a few dates from my years of trying dating sites and apps, and none of them went to anything serious. Some people have had great luck with them. But to be fair, often people go to these dating sites and apps because they don’t want to put a lot of time and effort to find someone anyways. It could be work making you tired or busy but you are using them because it’s easier than trying to find places or networks to meet women. So you kind of get what you’re ‘paying’ for there in terms of energy and investment.
Personally, I hate blindly asking girls out in places but I’ve really enjoyed the stress free environment of speed dating. Maybe you can look for speed dating events in your area?