Dating : So how is the “just let love find you” and “stop looking and it’ll just happen” advice actually supposed to work?
This is the #1 response I get when asking for dating advice. Just to stop trying so hard and let it happen, I don’t understand this at all because in my daily life I have to go very far out of my way to get anywhere near a girl my age.
I’m a harbourmaster so I work with pretty much all guys and the only girl is happily in a relationship and the people I deal with on a regular basis are in their 60s and 70s, mostly retirees who bought a big ass sailboat and are travelling around in their golden years.
So it’s not like I really run into a lot of girls in my normal life. If I actually stopped trying I would never even lay eyes on a girl my age let alone talk to her. So I have to make an effort to put myself out there or I’ll never get anywhere. My friends are all in relationships now and aren’t interested in going out anymore either so that adds to the difficulty and so I really have to make an effort to get out and meet girls so this whole idea of just stop trying and let it happen makes absolutely no sense to me.
It works by straight up making you more attractive. The more you make your life great, the more women want to be a part of that life. If you make your life good enough women will just come. Yeah you work a job with no women, but you still come in contact with women whenever you do something outside work.
That only applies to men who have the looks. Other than that, this is just cookie cutter advice people say to feel good about trying to be helpful.
I think it more just means being comfortable in who you are and the life you lead. No one wants to be with someone just because it’s bettet than being alone or they happen to be available when it « felt like time to settle down »
Geton a dating app. See if your friends know someone you might click with. But if it doesn’t happen, still live a life you enjoy. Double whammy of being happy and instantly more attractive because of it.
People just say that to deflect the awkwardness they feel when the subject of you being single comes up. 😉
Don’t pin your hopes on dating apps btw (or bars and nightclubs), they’re a horrid minefield for both men and women, and for my part my experiences seriously eroded my self-esteem and trust in women.
As such I’m finding it better to get out and about. I’ve joined some martial arts and yoga classes, volunteered on a few environmental things too. That’s a much better way of meeting people, plus you’re developing useful and interesting skills along the way. 🙂
Ultimately, you may find that like me you’re perfectly happy doing your own thing in your own time, and inevitably that’s when you’re at your best and most attractive. Best of all, *being out there doing your thing* will absolutely improve your chances of meeting someone, as well as improve your quality of life in general.
A lot of axioms and sayings are bullshit. They can’t apply to everyone. You have to do what’s right for you, and if you know that no woman would approach you in your daily life, then you have to approach them. Take what you want (not literally) because for the most part, no one will hand it to you unless you’re one of the lucky few.
It worked well for me. I decided to just be me…and women could take it or leave it. Amazing how fast someone was on to me.. and I didn’t have to put on or learn a new show.
I just want to say that you ALSO dispell the « alpha » horseshit. You have one of the manliest jobs on the planet! You ARE the master of the harbor. So there is that…
Doesnt work, you really think it can be that easy?
It isn’t supposed to work. It’s a low-key way of telling you to fuck off and stop bothering the normies.
The idea is just to love and live your life and that on its own will attract people. It also assumes you socialize a lot with hobbies and whatnot. Obviously it wont work if you have little to no human interaction in your day to day.
I don’t think it’s meant to be taken literally but sometimes people turn to things like online dating to find “the one” and put unnecessary pressure on themselves and a relationship from the start. I’ve always taken it as see what happens, have fun and relax don’t unnecessarily burden yourself with the goal of finding the one because most relationships just build into them themselves.
It only works if you’re attractive, the idea is that you live your life and the people who are attracted to you will show themselves rather than you chasing them. Of course this only happens when you’re attractive, haha no one is chasing the ugly guys.
It doesn’t lol. But you’re a guy so you need to hardcore pursue women until one gives in. Women can’t do the reverse because men take advantage and fake interest to use her to hookup. Men will wait months to hookup if she’s hot, and will say whatever she wants to hear and make actions match words.