Dating : The Myth of the Gold-Digger

I’ll just come out and say it, I believe that gold diggers don’t actually exist. There’s no internet comments, no personal testimonies from men that are going to convince me either, I actually need to see it for myself with my own two eyes.

Now let me go ahead and qualify that statement by saying they don’t exist for me, though I’m sure they exist for other people; and they don’t exist for me for a reason — because I don’t play into the transactional view of human relations.

This isn’t to say that there aren’t manipulative people who are also women out there, there certainly are, but I am suggesting that for so-called gold-digging to be what it is, the man involved needs to have his money taken and to not have given it freely and voluntarily. We can’t presume that if we give people money they owe us sex; that idea is absolutely ludicrous, and if this is what you’ve been taught, I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you, but that’s not how the world works. There’s a much better way.

The term ‘gold-digger’ is so commonly used in today’s lexicon, you’d think that it was some ubiquitous group that permeates our society on every level, people who blend in with the rest of us, but will, according to the subscribers of the idea, nefariously drain people, especially men of their resources, leaving them high and dry.

I’ve come to view the notion of the gold-digger entirely a myth in my world, simply because I’ve never dealt with one…they might as well be ghosts to me. Of the hundreds of amazing women I’ve dated and even the few not-so-nice people I’ve been with, I’ve personally never dated a true gold-digger in the flesh.

The term could mean a woman who’s attracted to material wealth and status, and if this is the case, people like this absolutely exist, but they’re likely rarer than you think. It’s also used to imply a woman who uses a man for money he freely gives her under the unspoken expectation of sex, to which I say this is logically inconsistent and senseless. The idea of giving, especially giving freely, is incongruous with the idea of expectations which are implied and not made explicit.

Are strippers gold-diggers? Many guys would say that they are, but let me get something straight, here…

You drove to an establishment that advertises dancing in skimpy outfits, you likely paid an entrance fee, you might have gotten cash from an ATM while your bank charged you an ATM fee on top of that, then you proceeded to obtain the services advertised by the establishment as described, only to turn around and say that the women were using you? Think about this for a minute and let me know if this seems rational.

Right…it doesn’t…

I simply believe that these people that men call gold-diggers aren’t out there predating men outside of the transactional relationships which men themselves play into — and then complain about when they don’t get their way, or more likely, they complain because they don’t know any other way.

I also believe that I’ve never encountered one because I don’t flaunt money or toys and try to show off in order to gain the respect of people…and this has probably saved me a lot of headaches. Ergo, for me, the gold-digger might as well be a myth, and they can be for you as well.

I’d venture to say that most men who take this view of the world are also quite bitter because of their lack of success, because trying to buy people’s affection generally doesn’t work, except for maybe once in a blue moon; it’s so downright inauthentic and coercive that most people reject transactional behaviors on intuition alone, and the few opportunists who will seize on such an opportunity are just taking an offer that’s been freely given to them.

It is my belief that men who complain about gold diggers have simply never learned another style of communicating with women or whomever their preferred gender may be, other than throwing money at them and occasionally getting lucky with this approach. Rather than questioning the approach, which will inherently paint all women as either prudes or gold diggers due to its mechanism, they come to the conclusion that it’s everyone else who’s the problem, rather than their own behavior.

Rather than question the system of trying to exchange material goods for sex, they usually just rationalize that someone else came along with more money or a prettier toy; these men seem to never understand that the entirety of my dating history has been predicated upon intangible traits, ambition, drive, passion, humor, conversationalism, and they sort of close themselves off to the world of the intangible where I’ve had almost all of my most treasured relations with others. People who view relationships as transactions objectify everyone inherently and then they wonder why things work out so poorly for themselves.

I can suggest, if you’re a man reading this, that you give what I propose a shot, which is learning to see people as more than just exchanges, but individuals with thoughts, feelings, emotions, and expressions, and learning to see them unconditionally as such — trust me, the world gets way better when you do.

In all aspects, rejecting the transactional style of relationships that our weird culture tells us is the way to go has been beneficial. How could we possibly expect to build deep, true, lasting friendships and connections with other people if we can’t even engage with them without offering up some collateral?

Think about the tone that sets for the rest of the relationship…yes, there’s definitely a better way…You can’t get taken for your money or goods if you don’t show off your money or your goods and invite people to take them.

I don’t even think so-called gold-diggers exist…I think ordinary people are taking up the opportunities offered to them by other ordinary people. My rule of thumb: you can’t get cheated out of what you don’t give…and it’s the intangible things that make life the most wonderful.

© 2019; Joe Duncan. All Rights Reserved