Dating : Unable to initiate physical contact with my girlfriend

Dating : Unable to initiate physical contact with my girlfriend

First off I’ll start by saying that I’ve always been extremely awkward with women. This is my first ever girlfriend, and I still find myself awkward around her, especially when it comes to physical contact. She is awkward and very shy too, so that doesn’t help my situation at all. My personal space is also quite large, and physical contact has always been awkward to me, especially when it’s with the opposite sex. Even an accidental touch from a woman can make me feel extremely awkward. All this makes things even harder.

Last time I posted here I got a few questions so I’ll answer them first:

1. Yes, I’m sure she is my girlfriend. 1000% sure.
2. Nobody is forcing anything on the other party. We met, liked each other and decided we’re compatible. We both had a completely free choice.
3. Things where I am work differently. It’s a conservative society. The relationship here doesn’t start with physical stuff. In fact, most of the physical stuff comes only later and some of it not before marriage. For example, kissing might be out of the question until engagement in the worst cases, and until months after having been together in the best cases. Yes, I’m very serious. I’m not expecting anyone to understand, just to accept that where I live, you can have a girlfriend before ever having made any physical contact, which is the case for me and a very likely case for a lot of other relationships. Instead, the relationship is « officially declared » by saying « I love you » for the first time, which I admit may sound weird and as a result the words come very early on in the relationship, but that’s just how things work here.

I think this covers most of the questions I got last time, but feel free to ask any additional ones.

We’ve been together for a little over a month now (but known each other for nearly 3 months), and so far I’ve only been able to hold her hand once. Every time I think of doing it it’s the exact same challenge all over again. I thought after holding her hand for the first time things would get easier, but they did not. I really don’t know why, but I feel like there’s an invisible « barrier » that prevents me from just reaching for her hand and grabbing it.

I’m always self-aware about it, and being in a conservative society where everyone knows everyone makes me also consider what other people would think if they saw (even though I know I really shouldn’t care about that). I don’t know how I managed to do it the one time that it worked. I feel like this is taking a huge toll on my confidence. I feel like if things go on like this, then I’m afraid how they might affect the relationship. I really like her and enjoy our time together a lot and don’t wish my relationship with her to end over something like this. Nobody has wronged the other person in any way, so the relationship ending because of the lack of hand holding or other forms of physical contact (yet) would be a pity.

What should I do? I’ve considered just talking to her about it directly and being honest how awkward I feel about it despite dying to do it. I mean if all else fails, what other option do I have? On the other hand, I have a feeling this would make things even more awkward and as a result might only enlarge the « barrier » that I feel and place additional barriers, perhaps ones that are impossible to break. Any suggestions or tips? Will things eventually become easier as we become more comfortable in each other’s company? Am I overthinking it and should I let things just happen naturally no matter how long they might take? I mean now that I think about it, maybe it’s only natural everything is going slow for us considering the fact that we’re both very shy and awkward.