h2>Dating : What Narrating Erotica Taught Me
It’s more than orgasmic
Once upon a time, I judged the women who read 50 Shades of Grey. I sneered at on-screen sex and rode my high horse past the porn watchers. And yet at the same time, I was saying, “Oh, that’s not for me, but you, do you. Own your sexuality. Don’t let ‘the man’ tell you how to live your life.” I didn’t realize at the time how hypocritical I was being, or how I was actually judging these women just as much as ‘the man’ or ‘the church’ or ‘the Karen-next-door.’
It wasn’t until I was 29 and accidentally agreed to narrate an erotic audiobook that I realized what all the hype was surrounding the sex industry.
There is simply something so badass about a woman in erotica telling a man what she likes and how she likes it. Even sexier is when the man gives the woman the most orgasmic experience of her life without degrading her or making her feel like a slut (unless that turns her on…because I mean everyone likes to feel like a slut every now and then).
The conversations between couples in erotica are mindblowing (and I don’t mean because of their plots, because c’mon, the plot is getting banged)! The discussions are electric because in good erotica, there is something so sexy about the consent given, and as stated above, telling your partner what you like and what feels good. Bringing that aspect into real-life sex gave me a sense of freedom like no other.
Kinks. Kinks. And more kinks! Do you like fucking on public beaches? There’s an erotica for you. Do you fantasize about your neighbor’s pool boy pounding into you? There’s an erotica for you. Does the sound of aliens with fourteen tentacles turn you on? You guessed it, there’s an erotic for you. The world of erotica made me feel less weird for the kinks that turned me on. It made me feel empowered to see main characters taking their sex lives (kinks and all) into their own hands unabashedly. And it made me love my body and what it could do, imperfections and all!
I was raised in the church, which means up until I left the church, I felt like my body did not belong to me. It belonged to the church who told me what was okay to do with it, with whom, how, and when. I felt guilty for the urges I had. Furthermore, I felt an immense amount of shame when I acted on those urges. The fact that “sex was bad” was so deeply ingrained in me that it took me reading erotica to work through that shame. Reading the stories of confident women who understood that they were sexual beings, and who acted on that urge in their own way, in turn, made me feel less shame surrounding the topic of sex. The more I read about sex, the easier it’s become, for me, to talk about sex instead of it being some taboo topic.
The romance genre, in general, is known for providing an escape to readers. In fact, the audiobook service audible has a full-on Romance streaming service titled Audible Escape. And it’s true. Nothing is more of an escape than a mind-blowing, toe-curling orgasm. I used to think it was a cliche to say that an escape was provided by this genre. Still, sometimes these low-stake, surface-level stories are just the fluffy read you need after a full day of working and chasing your kids.