POF : Every woman I come across complains about men just wanting hookups…
and then when I try to talk to them like a fellow human being, which I assume most men supposedly don’t, that message just goes to the void.
It really makes me wonder what I’m even doing here. I did find a successful relationship on POF about a year ago now, and she would tell me over and over how great it was that I’m better those other jerks and that I really wasn’t interested in sex, so it’s not like I think I’m something I’m not. I genuinely am a normal human being, and as much as women *claim* to be in the market for that, they don’t really seem to be.
Can anyone explain this to me? Am I just too ugly? Is there any other dating site that isn’t cancer?
By. HolidayWhile
As a woman who was on POF you have to understand that it is not you at all, I have gotten multiple messages from guys with sexual things said in them or things like sit on my face, or are you irish because my penis is dublin. Things I did not want to get in any message from a guy. However you have a good point women should not automatically classify you with those other guys like that its not right. I never did that by any means. So sorry this is happening to you
I don’t mean to sound crass and I am not the most attractive guy, but there are two rules to online dating before anyone even considers the type of person you are.
1. Be attractive
2. Don’t be unattractive
So, if you are not getting responses you need better photos and perhaps work on yourself (be more fit, better clothes, etc)
It’s really a numbers game. Women can afford to be picky on POF because their mailboxes are full. Even if it is more than half dick pics, copypasta crap, and tasteless/sexual come-ons, it’s still enough to keep them busy. There’s so much impression of selection that they will mainly engage only with cream of the crop. So if your pics aren’t rock star, if your height or body type aren’t their thing, etc, then you won’t even get a response. Many women have tried to reply to their messages, even if they weren’t interested, but often it ends up being met with hostility, so why bother. Easier to ignore.
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Online dating is generally inflating to the avg female’s ego and deflating to avg male’s ego. Just the way it is.
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Now that said, there are many males who believe that most women only say they want a nice guy. But really they are caught up in a circle of chasing bad boys, who end up hurting them one way or another, and then they say they’re done with bad boys, say they want a nice guy, they may even try to date a nice guy for a while, but in the end going back to the bad boys. Often the men who make this observation get labelled as betas or incels.
Sorry to hear my man. It happens to us all. After reading through said girls profile I always try to pick something interesting out for conversation.. but after they view my profile… they never do get back to me,and yes I have gone through my profile reworking and getting my female co-workers approval that it’s fine as is. But when the ladies do message me back its always one worded responses or worse yet, not even bothering to keep the conversation going. Forcing me to work harder to keep their interest up. I am no prince charming (5’6 glasses blonde lil overweight). But I know I am a good guy and I am sure you are too. All I can recommend is to be proud of who you are and what some girls are missing out on. There will be that special someone for all of us.
From what I’ve heard from guys POF is completely different for them than the girls side. Like, I wouldnt get fake accounts messaging me ever, but that’s 90% of the guys side? Anyway, POF for me, a chick, is super fun because the guys have these creative information on their profile and jokes. I’m aware this this deal called the « Red pill » or whatever, but in all honesty and having to deal with the world while not being a struggling young 20yr old, I doubt you’re ‘too ugly’. It’s like saying you aren’t tall enough. I find those comments humorous because that is something shallow people value or people with a serious situation consider (like if a girl is 6’5 I would totally understand her wanting someone closer in height. i mean back problems much? eh.)
I wouldn’t get bummed out. I’d suggest changing your profile up to see what happens and message A LOT OF PEOPLE. omg, I messaged so many guys, holy crap. I enjoy the style of getting to know someone on a friend basis before going straight into dating, so I understand what you mean when you say ‘not big on sex’. Even with msging guys on a friendly basis… oh man, it was probably a 30 sent; 2 reply.
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I also dont understand guy on reddit who say « GURlz gET 15 MESsagES A DaeY, YOU GOTTA REMEMBER THey enTITLed » or whatever weird stupid shit immature comment they come up with. When you’re a chick you get like 3 messages a week jfc. And some people (like me) are very busy and take a week to respond. I had a guy respond legit 30 days later. I didnt even remember messaging him lol. Then I had some guys who I accidentally messaged twice? (I asked one guy if he maintained his man-bun by using a sock… twice.. I guess this wasnt funny because it was forever ignored hahaha).
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But yeah, don’t get down. change up your profile (not with lies) just have some fun and try to find friendly people. They are there. My boyfriend met a chick on POF who is his BFF. She even came to work for him LOL.
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P.s. from what i’ve seen all the apps are pretty much dead. Tinder sucked, bumble+okcupid were AWFUL, no traffic. POF was super funny/fun but I also made a fun profile and talked about a lot of things I enjoyed. Good luck mate 😀
weak
I find it comical how the majority of women with « not looking for a hook up » or similar in their pof profiles are the same ones who have photos where they look like a sex worker and basically have their tits out…..What type of messages do those slags expect to receive? A message from William Shakespeare?
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They’ll ignore genuine messages but entertain the guys who send lewd disgusting messages. That doesn’t make sense but its online dating and that is exactly how it is.
First: to answer your closing question in short order: No. They are all « cancer » ; in whatever aspect i gather that term means to you. All dating sites have the same kind of interface of: browse photos, read/write short descriptions, »pokes » « swipes » or whatever. Even faith/race specific sites and « scientific relationship sites » are vastly similar in user experience and will therefor also be likely to engender the same behaviors , prejudices, and emotions.
Firstly: when you « try to talk to them like a fellow human being » , that is a fine tactic. That you would be willing to f*ck them is already implied since you bothered to message them. The fact that your dick is on offer is already presumed, and, *to an extent* vice versa. Think about it. The woman that would bother to chat with and eventually go on a proper date with someone they are absolutely not attracted to just for a free supper is very sad in a way. 99.9% of the ladies also feel this way.
While many are hoping for relationship, attraction is the first piece of all of it.
The problem is: sometimes when your in a « dry spell » you get to a point where you lower your standards a bit, but…. you end up with someone whom your not really compatible with for whatever reason, but, your going to « make it work » so your not alone.
The problem is: when you start having pleasant dates, and, your generally doing well at keeping her happy in the pre-boyfriend or early-boyfriend phase, a thought starts crossing your mind to the extent of « imagine how well i could do if i was dating someone i *actually* liked. », and, your in a situation where they elevated your self esteem beyond the point where you want to settle for them.
Now, lets say you met someone who was also in a desperate dry spell (likely in online dating if you meet anyone ever) , this is likely to generate a first date sex scenario despite both of you being « nice people » who « never usually do this » This accelerates the sexual self image self esteem settling rubber band and this may cause you both to simultaneously not want to settle on each other and ……..
Superficial profile statements like « if your looking for a hookup just move on » is a reference to not wanting the complicated situation mentioned above from happening, but, its such a shorthand for a reference to past emotional damage that you have no choice but to interpret it as a simple deterrent against perv messages.
Every reference in a profile to something they don’t want is usually a call to a bad experience they had in a date or relationship in the past.
What they expect in a message is: a man who falls within their acceptable level of attractiveness (which you may very well), but more than that: a combination of words that expresses that you « could be the one »
This is a problem. Short replies like « hello » or even « hi. you seem nice. how are you? » get no traction, because: its not giving them what they want to hear. These are perfectly normal ways to introduce yourself to a new person before you have a conversation topic established, but, they actually want specifics out the gate; and, its so awkward to put yourself out there like that.
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