Dating : How can I become emotionally available and affectionate?
any book recommendations? I grew up in an emotionally/sexually abusive household, I now suppress my emotions and can’t show affection. some advice would help.
in Dating
any book recommendations? I grew up in an emotionally/sexually abusive household, I now suppress my emotions and can’t show affection. some advice would help.
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This is way above Reddit’s pay grade. You should talk this through with a therapist.
Best advice is to pursue therapy. We’ll be happy to cheer you on when you get tired and despair in your journey, but it is going to be a journey and direction & guidance for this goes way beyond what comments on the Internet can provide.
Therapy is your friend in this situation, none of us here are qualified to deal with this, I say this not to be mean but if it’s something that serious that persisted for that long you need to actually speak with somebody qualified for this
I’ve been through this and I was after about 10 years I was able to open up. I mostly did it by just opening up a bit at a time, and I was lucky to have a stable personal and professional life which helped a great deal. I didn’t get therapy for it but if you can I would recommend it, it would have been quicker and probably more secure.
What I will warn you about is how you apply it, I was open with everyone but did not have sufficient boundaries in place so when I finally found someone I could be open and affectionate with I chose (more went with the flow really) poorly, she messed me about and fucked me over and now I am back to closing myself off, she set me back months if not years, so just be careful when you do it to do it properly with boundaries in place to protect your hard work.
It is worth it overall.
Therapy. Try open path collective if you have financial issues.
Books
Adult children of emotionally immature parents
Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners
The body keeps the score
Dr. Arielle Schwartz has books and work books on healing trauma
If you can’t afford therapy try and 12 step support group. I attend al anon and it has helped me so much.
The assertiveness guide for woman is a great read to build intimacy…. Idk what your gender is but I think the information is relevant for all people in your position. It teaches about family up bringing and how that shapes your relationships, it talks about communication, and emotional Intellegence and how to build intimacy inside relationships that first start with a place of understanding. It was a very good read for myself and taught me a lot. So it might be worth checking out.
Practice. Makes. Perfect
I used a self-confidence workbook (I wasn’t focused enough when I did therapy and once I wanted it, I couldn’t afford it). Honestly it was cheesy as hell, but I felt a lot of pressure ease off me when I was self-conscious. I’m self-aware and I think before I act, but I’m not afraid to be myself and speak my mind. I respond better to feedback because I don’t beat myself up over mistakes. I’m more open with everyone as a default because I don’t need their approval to be at peace with myself.
Easy, you don’t need to.
Emotional intelligence 2.0
Helps you understand your emotions and how to better represent a good emotional balance
Can you expand on how you suppress your emotions? And what prevents you from showing affection?
(I probably won’t be able to help, but just would like to understand better what it’s like.)