Dating : Girlfriend wants to go to a college across the country
My (M19) girlfriend (F18) has decided she wants to go to college in California. She lives in New Jersey and I live in Pennsylvania so we’ve already had to deal with long distance. She wants to be an elementary school teacher, and her reason for going to CA for it was just “I’m at peace with it”. I support whatever decision she makes and I want her to be happy I just don’t think she’s making a good decision.
I’m financially stable and have a full time job, I was hoping to propose to her in a year but now this changes things. We’ve been dating for 2.5 years so now we’d have to wait for another 4. There’s so many other options for college that could involve marriage and being a teacher I just don’t know why she wants to go to CA. I’ve had a couple discussions with her about it but she seems pretty adamant about it.
I’m not really sure how to feel, I feel like she doesn’t care about our relationship. I want to stay together and she said she does too, it’s just now we have to wait for awhile. Instead of being married at 20/19 we’ll be married at 24/23. Not to mention she’ll be in CA for 4 of those years.
at 19 and 18 choosing where to go to college based on a relationship is kind of a lot of influence to be putting on it. That’s also very early to be proposing and marrying, and she probably knows that. It sounds to me like she’s taking her future seriously and going for what she wants. Even if she does really care about your relationship that’s not necessarily a reason to let it dictate her whole life path. Diplomas last, marriages don’t always.
>I feel like she doesn’t care about our relationship
Have you told her that? To me, it sounds like both of you are walking on eggshells and not speaking your mind. Maybe because she doesn’t want to go through the breakup so she chooses to move to California and forces your hand. Maybe because you also don’t want to breakup so you wont say your piece and ask hard questions.
I get it. This puts you on the defense. If it were me, I would get ready to let her go and sit her down for a tough conversation.
got to tell her how you feel honestly. not a easy conversation to have but it must be done. but you also need to understand this is her life. going off to college is a big deal. i mean if she had her heart set on going to a college in CA, then she should make the decision thats best for her. does that mean you guys will still be together with the distance?(NJ to PA is a little easier than PA to CA), im not sure.
That’s true. Not to mention the 3 hour time difference, holidays missed, and other such things.