Dating : 19F looking for dating advice. I feel invisible to guys.
I’ve had absolutely HORRIBLE luck dating. I’ve asked out probably a dozen boys in my day and the rejections always go horribly. I’ve been led on multiple times, had friendships destroyed/been back stabbed, and been made fun of for my feelings. Prior to telling those boys each time, they were always very nice to me and treated me with nothing but respect. I’ve had months/years of friendships go wrong when I ask somebody out. I’d just tell them that I think they are a very fascinating person and I’d like to pursue something deeper with them.
I’ve never had a guy respectfully tell me they weren’t interested. This may sound pathetic, but I want a man to pursue me for once. I have zero desire to straight up ask a guy out again and I haven’t done it for a year.
I’ve had two guys show interest in me in the past 3 years, but they made my skin crawl. One kept hitting me with his clothing by « accident » and complaining about how ugly he was and the other had a stuffed animal collection and also complained about how ugly he was. In high school, three guys went for me and all of them had very bad hygiene. I know I’m not ugly and r rate me told me I was about a 6/7. I don’t go for guys that get lots of attention from other girls, but I like masculine men over feminine.
I tried dating apps for a short time, but I REALLY did not like them. Personally, I don’t have the ability to connect with someone through a phone screen. (Also hate the internet.) I did follow through on some guys and go on dates from Tinder.
I have so many male friends it isn’t even funny, but I’ve struggled with relating to other girls. I have an on campus job, an active member of several on campus organizations, attend political conferences, and I do scientific research. I am a very successful person and I love what I do, but I can’t help feeling lonely sometimes. I’ve always had a good group of male friends in my life, but I guess I crave something more intimate. It also makes me feel left out to see all my friends getting girlfriends and inevitably moving on from the group.
I don’t have a flirting game and I don’t think I have the ability to be a tease. I am a woman of few words, but I am very direct. This isn’t something I can just switch on, as it doesn’t exist in me like it does in other girls. I am extremely introverted (INTJ).
tldr- 19F, looking to get into the relationship game, but I am invisible to the guys.
First, you’ll be fine.
​
Second, you’re 19. It’s your entire lifetime right now but it is REALLY early in the piece.
​
Third, most guys don’t know what they’re doing. Some will learn with experience. The older you look, they better your odds.
​
Fourth, sounds like you’ve only encountered « niceguys » so far.
​
It’s numbers game. Meet enough men and you will find some who are exactly what you want.
Lol I was interested in a girl like you last year. Kinda shy, introverted, basically a nice girl. When I started talking to her my buddy told me it’s going to be a lot of work for no pay off and he was right. I could tell she was interested bc she try to awkwardly flirt with me every once in a while but I was carrying the thing 90% of the time. That got boring fast cuz If I can have have fun in that situation It will be so much better with a girl who returns that energy
Edit:
I feel bad that it didn’t work out bc I genuinely fuck with her
Ok, so I am clear, you want a masculine guy who approaches you and is also introverted. You don’t know how to tease or flirt so he would have very little to go on to approach you.
If you were a guy, I would say, you need to learn some skills. No one knows how to flirt right out of the gate. You have to get a feel for it. But really all you gotta do is smile a little to guys you like and you’ll get approached eventually.
If you want a stable relationship with a guy who’s mature it’s going to take time. There’s no way around it. 19 is still really young, even if you’re more mature than your peers.
Keep holding your head high, look out for the men, not the boys.
First learn to love yourself first. You can’t love someone else without loving yourself first. You don’t need a man in your life to make you happy.
Once you learned to love yourself,this will come off as confident,and men will like that.
Ok, that is gonna sound dumb, but « I am invisible to the guys. », « but I want a man to pursue me for once »
Wtf? You literally said some guys showed interested in you? You’re not invisible to the guys, you’re invisible to the guys you are interested in, but that’s a *totally* different problem. And the way you speak about the guys that you’re not interested in, well you’re quite literally not considering them as ‘guys’ even though they are. That is really dehumanizing, and disrespectful. I hope you are conscious about that.
​
You say that every guy that rejected you did so disrespectfully, wasn’t nice right? Then why act disrespectfully towards these guys that were interested in you? You’re acting exactly the same that the people that made you so depressed.
​
Sounds kinda assholish, isn’t it? Not saying you are an asshole, hopefully the situation is a lot more complicated than that. However you must realize you do have it a lot better than many people first, and these might be signs that you aren’t a nice person to be with; Hence maybe why nobody wants to date you
It’s weird that nobody picked up you on that, but there seem to be something wrong on the *personality side* with you. You should take time to self-reflect, and see if in your current state you are actually worth pursuing.
My comment may sound really mean and I apologize if I hurt you, but I tried to do an honest criticism of what I can see through your post. Hopefully by digging you’ll find something there. (I’m still amazed at all the comments, like, why is nobody stating that thing which is absolutely obvious?, How can there be comments like « Keep holding your head high, look out for the men, not the boys. » that seem out of the 1950s and plain ridiculous…)
>I have so many male friends it isn’t even funny
This is a potential issue. When you have « so many male friends » you can be seen as « one of the guys » and therefore regarded asexually. Other men may regard you sexually, however it’s often not considered desirable to have a relationship with a woman who has « so many male friends. » On the other hand, AT LEAST SOME of your « male friends » are likely orbiters FYI
You’re only 19. Act more feminine , hang out with your « male friends » less and sure, if you have romantic interest in a guy then you should ask him out.
Why would them complaining about being ugly be weird? Fishing for compliments? I feel ugly a lot of the time 🙁
Try older dudes
You’re a nerd! Which isn’t automatically a bad thing, just you’ll be boring too many of the guys you’d probably find « attractive ». You’re also obviously something; ratings are subjective and not really indicative of anything. You’re likely a point or so lower than what people would rate you on here, and if you didn’t use accurate photos (like only flattering angles, no body shot), there’s probably something you’re missing.
Honestly I wouldn’t date many girls like you, and I’m introverted by nature. I like semi-outgoing girls or shy girls with great personalities (super sweet, loving/caring/kind). They also HAVE to have a sense of humor! I see none of that in yours (your post), and several spots you could have joked around/made it less serious & more fun. You can’t force attraction – that just isn’t how it works. Honestly you probably need a look, a few hooks, and maybe party some more. Being around extroverts/breaking out of your shell may help you tremendously. You’re also still very young, so don’t sweat it 🙂