Dating : Man up and stop being so scared
I’m so exhausted from dating and talking to men to see where it will go. It feels like my entire year has been spent on meeting men who are scared or think they’re not good enough or intimidated by me or scared to be vulnerable. I’m so exhausted by all of this.
Stop judging a book by its cover. Just cus a girl has her shit together and is presentable and attractive doesn’t mean you’re not worthy or she’ll break your heart. Stop being afraid to go for it and give it a chance. Stop being so scared to open your heart.
People think being attractive makes it easier to date and they are wrong. I’m nothing special but sure you can classify me as « attractive » and smart and somehow this intimidates some men. Great.
All I want is to find love. Real love with someone that means something. Why is that so hard?? Sigh. 🙁
EDIT: This definitely brought out quite a lot of emotions in some. I get it, maybe it sounded sexist and that I’m trying to blame men for everything. It’s not that. I know it’s not always cus Im intimidating. A situation happened this week and this was brought up that got me frustrated. Do I think all men are as I described above? No. Im just another girl who genuinely wants to find something meaningful and was a bit frustrated today. All the best to all of you!
Being afraid to approach someone we’re attracted to isn’t exclusive to men. « What does « manning up » have to do with it?
« Man up and stop being so scared « ? Boy that is provocative
Sorry that you have such a hard time, but I can tell you my thoughts on why you intimidate men: a good looking woman who knows what she wants sounds simply too good to be true these days, especially in online dating. The expectation is that she’s either fake or just playing with you for her entertainment.
That’s the first thing I’d think if an attractive woman would approach me. And I want nothing more than a woman to simply accept and love me like I am.
I think they’re More intimidated by your personality then your looks
Men will seek you out just for being attractive, having your life together is the cherry on top.
If you cant find a decent guy out of the million who are throwing themselves at you either youre picking the wrong men or your personality is throwing redflags and scaring off all the decent ones.
Or maybe you just arent that attractive or successful as you think you are. Pro tip, if you are going after successful 30 year old men, you are competing with very attractive early 20 somethings for them.
You seem kinda entitled. Just cos you are attractive doesn’t mean that you are somebody who is good at dating and easy to get along with. Perhaps you should focus inwards and on improving your personality flaws as opposed to passing the buck on to guys and blaming them instead.
As Jocko Willink would say:take extreme ownership! I wish you luck 🙂
Is it that hard for you to be forward?
Are you sure it’s 100% their fault? And that they are intimidated by you and think you’re too awesome? Because that seems implausible and unempathetic
Ummmm so do i step up and talk to you or do i be respectful and keep my distance? Do i be vulnerable, including all of my unnattractive insecurities, or do be stoic, manly and emotionally distant? I feel like it is damned if i do and damned if i don’t.
Like im so lost you want a vulnerable guy but a confident one ? Just how?
On a side note. None of this is going to help guys get more confident. At least guys like me. Since women getting angry at us is exactly what we are afraid of. And a lot of this confirms our deep seated fears anyway.
I’m going to give it to you straight. I’m not sure your age, but it doesn’t matter, you sound young. I’m a 28 yr old guy.
Most men you are going to meet will probably be very career focused. Why?
– they have student loans to repay
– they have credit card debt
– they want to own a house some day before they’re 40
– they get shoved around at work by overbearing managers
Then look at the media which is pushed on men:
– if you’re male and you communicate in any way that could be perceived as threatening, you’re a bad guy
– if you express yourself sexually, you’re just objectifying women
– look at all the men going to jail and losing their jobs on TV! How could it not be true?
Guys want sex, whether it’s with one partner or many different partners. It’s simply universal. But there’s no effective means of expressing this to every woman without getting into trouble with at least a few.
Regardless of whether or not any of this sounds rational to you, most men can only draw one conclusion if they’re moderately career driven and don’t want to get labeled as a sex offender: play it safe.
P.S. We are exhausted by the same things you mention too. You can’t have a society where there is a lot of testosterone and male assertiveness, and also have a minimal number of sexual harassment and abuse cases. Everyone will have to pick one end or the other, or compromise with something in between. Then again, unless you’re setting the rules of engagement between people, neither you nor I really get to pick, do we.
This post needs a caveat that only this only to men who are attractive.
Men are used to compensating for their looks by earning more money than women. Now that that’s becoming less true, it makes it really hard to understand why any woman would want to be with us, especially if we’ve been cheated on or otherwise burned in the past. Dating IS easier for attractive women – it’s commitment that’s still hard to find. And when we can’t understand why you’d want to commit to us, it makes us hesitant to go ahead and commit to you.
I can’t believe this drivel is a top post. Woman up and stop being so self-centered. I doubt you are remotely as good as you think you are.
REJECTION HURTS A LOT.
I guess you’ve yet to experience the other extreme, guys who are like an open book reading itself aloud. They will share so readily that you don’t even wanna know after a while, because although you didn’t know it consciously, you just wanted the game of hide and seek, not just hide but not just seek either.
Just trying to give context for a bigger picture.
This post is full of « iM vErY sMArt » and poor selfreflection. Your response on comments only validates this. I’ve never had a guy being intimidated by me so maybe stop acting like they should (because you are doing exactly that). Take a strong look at yourself and stop putting the blame on others.
Opening your heart is scary. Most of us have been truly devastated at some point in our lives, maybe more than once.
For people to truly trust, it takes time and patience. Trust is earned. Men open up at much slower rate than women. They learned that it’s unsafe or unattractive to be vulnerable. Chances are, if they open up again, they are just going to get hurt.
Not trying to offer advice, just hoping to explain why most guys you will date are going to have a tough shell. They need to be sure you aren’t messing with them or judging them.
Man up. Great fucking advice. Thanks never thought of being just another peace of meat with no emotions. Oh wait that’s what everyone wants me to be. You think I like being this way? I know I’m not a « man » but it’s not like I chose to be like this.
It’s not our job to “man up” because you want a boyfriend. That’s sexist language.
Even though my original comment may sound rude, we do live in a world where good looks are just about everything. Personality takes a big back seat to money and looks unfortunately.
Honest question. I am being selfish but i just have to ask. Do you expect men to be confident or do you want them to be?
A ask because i am finding that a lot of people assume that talking to and approaching attractive women is simple and easy but it feels super hard. Similiarly a lot of people talk to me like Marriage and a relationship are options when they feel more like priveledges or rewards for putting in a lot of effort into improving yourself.
You know its interesting in that i do not feel like i could make a similiar and acceptable vent post, asking women to be more attractive. But this seems ok. I mean am not saying you are wrong but being shy, insecure, and unconfident, as a man feels untenable. Like, as long as we are like this, we truly dont deserve the women of our dreams (which are probablu not realistic anyway).
Most guys inclucling me feel average (and are average).
Trying to deal with an attractive female mean compete with other men who could be attractive.
If you know you are average how can you be confident? Attractive female will firstly go for attractive male.
Getting rejection hurt and can detroy your self-confidence that your are building.
Don’t blame male to be realistic.
Woah the entitlement
You know, that’s a pretty bold thing to say. Telling people to get over themselves for things that have affected them when you have no idea how it has affected them. By you choosing to say that you’re nothing special, makes it kind of seem like you think you are. It gives me the sense that you’re the one that needs to get over yourself.
This is rich. We get complained about for being bold and we also get complained about for backing off.
Lol. Humble bragging isn’t very attractive. Smacks of self centred, narcissistic behaviour and attitude. If you’re dating lots of men and all of them can’t see any long term future with you maybe you should stop and ask yourself if it’s maybe something you are doing?
I wholeheartedly agree. People in this thread just feel attacked. I was so unconfident, thought I wasn’t capable of love or being loved, and just scared of dating until I manned up enough to start going on dates and gained confidence through achieving goals I set in life. People need to realize it’s not only about appearance, but how you present yourself as a human being among other human beings
I mean I don’t know you or what you look like but if you come across more wholesome that my help. Personally for me and I’m no pro in the dating scene by a lot but when I see a well dress lady and put together first thing I think is high maintenance. Personally I like a well put together woman that I dont have to babysit. But if she gives off that vibe that makes me think I have to be on My A game 24/7. Eh that’s a deal breaker.
Yeah I wouldn’t date you, sorry.
I think you will have to wait a bit more cause your personality is quite bold and a lot of guys get intimidated by that! But hey don’t change yourself just cause few guys are intimidated by you. You are awesome in your own way and will find someone just as good!
Have a good day! 🙂
Either you’re dating a very specific type of man. Like the fuckboy type that doesn’t want a relationship, or you are the problem.
I know I’m not that good looking so I just take for granted that women generally don’t want a relationship with me, I mean they’d rather see if there’s anyone better looking out there, but if you’re attractive and men don’t commit then you’re not relationship material yourself.
Bracing for downvotes here but the truth hurts and all that jazz. I understand your sentiment darling, but you act as if American men can just turn off their programming, when the culture and their upbringing is their undoing. They aren’t the only ones with problems tho, cuz American women by and large do not know how to love let alone what it really means. Just an observation from travelling the world.
why haven’t we met yet?