Dating : Unexpected Date was Awkward and I blew it
A girl I’ve been talking to on tinder asked me to go to the movies with her friend which I was already skeptical about doing since we said movie first dates are dumb I get there and it’s really awkward I can’t think of anything to say I’m barely the same person. I apologize a bunch of times she says it’s fine, we finish the movie and go out to eat just before we go out seperate ways I pull her aside and told her im not usually like this and that I really want to see her again she says she does too, but I still think I blew it I think I freaked her out she texted me telling me she’s happy of met me but I’m not sure if she really wants to talk to me I’m a nervous wreck right now and I don’t want to be clingy. I don’t know what to do it would be easier to stop talking to her.
Read a book called Attached.
Best thing I ever did.
You blew it. It’s in the title. Learn. Adapt
It sounds like she’s still interested, give it another go if you want and learn from the first one.
>>and that I really want to see her again she says she does too,
>>and that I really want to see her again she says she does too,
Well, OK then! Ask to meet her again next week.
Note: Be specific about both the day of the week and the location.
This is, after all, your party. Act like it. She doesn’t know what you like doing.
>>but I still think I blew it
Only one way to find out….
>>I think I freaked her out
I think you freaked yourself out, my dude.
Don’t try to shove your own feeling states over onto her. Just admit you have no idea what she thinks or feels.
Nor do you actually need to know what she thinks. All you need to do is to see if she wants to meet again.
>> asked me to go to the movies with her friend which I was already skeptical about doing since we said movie first dates are dumb
You kind of walked into this one.
Maybe could have said something like « let’s meet for coffee or lunch first before we do something like that. »
Oh well. Consider it a learning experience.
>>I get there and it’s really awkward I can’t think of anything to say
Your overall attitude, vibe, and frame of mind > your phrasing, wording and tone > anything you actually say.
Focus on improving your attitude. Focus on embracing a positive, playful, relaxed frame of mind.
What you say in particular isn’t important. You need to focus on embracing a playful, positive, confident vibe.
>>I’m barely the same person.
You’re refusing to take control of your own mental state.
You’re refusing to be proactive on a date and indulging in reactivity and defensiveness instead.
You’re focusing way too much on how you believe you « appear » to your date (reactivity) and what you think you’re supposed to say (overthinking)
This isn’t any type of thinking that’s going to help.
>>I apologize a bunch of times
Stop sucking up. Don’t ever apologise unless absolutely necessary.
It’s never a good look to portray yourself as if you’re incompetent and bumbling . It’s not a good look to act as if you see your date as superior to the extent that you need to suck up to her.
Be almost unreasonably self-confident instead.
Remember it’s up to her to prove that she’s worth your valuable time, attention, and energy, not the other way. Her suggesting you take along to a movie isn’t a good use of your time on a first date.
>> I pull her aside and told her im not usually like this
[Imposter Syndrome.](https://startupbros.com/21-ways-overcome-impostor-syndrome/)
Here you’re outing yourself for being fake.
Or at least, you’re trying to out yourself for the reason of feeling like you’re somehow a fraud.
You need to cut out this knee-jerk Fraud-Police type crap.
Usually, this kind of thing is in reference to a standard that exists in your mind, which has never actually been real.
You’re not « usually like » any given thing. You’re usually more calm and collected than this, except all those times you weren’t. You’re usually type of person A, except when you’ve been type of person B, or C.
>>I’m a nervous wreck right now and I don’t want to be clingy.
You were already being clingy. I think you’ve crossed that bridge already. Learn from your mistake and move on.
>I don’t know what to do it would be easier to stop talking to her.
Stop sabotaging yourself.