Dating : Need a POV from someone else. (20M)
Hey! I’m an average guy (20M) and I recently started seeing this amazing girl in my college (19F). She’s beautiful and gorgeous and full of the things in life that makes it sweeter. She’s a great study partner and helps me all the time. I’m good in math. She’s excellent in English. She helps me a lot. Maybe a bit too much with essays.
Here’s the problem.
I’m Indian-Arabic. I was raised in Queens, New York, by parents who were both born actually in Manhattan.
She’s pure Italian. Blonde hair, blue eyes that stare into my very soul.
My parents don’t approve of me dating somebody out of our “cultural bounds” but my girlfriend is willing to attend traditional ceremonies and is even willing to even get married the Indian way.
Her parents love me. Her dad appreciates me for the reason that I look out for the best interest, show up to paint around the house, and help do some handy work. He’s a pretty chill dude. Her mother treats me like a son because I was brought up strictly mannered and an avid believer in God. I don’t care what name the Big Guy has, but a house of God is a House of God.
My mom flipped out when she heard that I was dating my girlfriend. She even threatened to cut me off. My dad however had a change of heart. He initially was skeptical of the situation, but then realized that I was happier, more focused, and more dedicated to my work and school. His exact words were “Hey man, do what you gotta do. Just be happy.”
Any advice on getting my mom on the right side?
More info: My girlfriend was the one who took me out of depression after my best friend died in a car accident. She means a lot to me.
Who’s in control here? You or your Mommy?
If you live your life trying to please your parents, you’re gonna die unhappy.
After a certain age your mom doesn’t get to dictate your life choices anymore. Maybe you could try inviting your girlfriend to an upcoming traditional ceremony, and just have your mom get a feel for her?
If that doesn’t work, you’ll just have to tell your mother like it is–while you respect that she has her opinions of your gf, you’re a grown adult capable of making your own decisions, and you wouldn’t be with her if you didn’t think she was right for you, regardless of her ethnic/cultural/religious background. Perhaps get your dad to be there as well, since he realized that it’s not a big deal and that she’s positively impacting your life.
I’m also in college and all my relationships have been with people who look nothing like me, so I can somewhat relate.
That saying “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make em drink.” Is really appropriate here. I’ve seen parents like this and oddly enough, when it comes to the son dating, it always seems to be the mother who always cares about these sorts of things more than the father.
Anyway, I think you’ve made enough of a case as to why she’s your sunshine and why she makes your life better. I would personally sit down with your mother and try to figure out why your mother believes what she does.
Don’t even bring up your situation, just try to figure out what her rationale is. You want this conversation to be about her beliefs. Let her talk and just listen.
After that assess her crucial arguments/points and find a way to prove to her that what she saying doesn’t make follow. Again don’t do this during the same conversation, write down her grievances and come back another day to address them.
Now I’m not suggesting you argue with her, but try to force her to empathize. You listened to what she had to say so she should reciprocate that same respect. If not you ought to question who’s happiness she’s invested in.
If she believes these things to make herself happy then don’t try to appeal. It’s your life and as sad as it is mom won’t be there for every second like you will be. You gotta listen to your dad and be happy with your own choices.
TD;LR: have a sit down with your mom, no arguments. Come back another day and present what you think about it. If she doesn’t listen, then oh well, you always have your dad’s support. Be happy, don’t lose love like that because of your mom.
Do what makes you happy, your Mom will either come around or won’t. Don’t let her keep you hostage. My dad’s parents where never big fans of my Mom only because she wasn’t ditsy so she was excluded. It may have taken a while but they came around to really liking her.