Dating : I [17 M] am having trouble getting over my long time girlfriend [17 F]. It’s been a month and I feel almost the same I did when we first split. What am I doing wrong?
Sorry in advance for formatting this is on mobile. Also now a throw away account.
So about a month ago I [17 M] broke up with my first ever serious girlfriend [17 F]. It was a mutual break up because we both knew it was probably best for us to move on due to a lack of mutual feelings.
I was/am heart broken. I’ve never had a feeling like this before in my life. There’s a physically weighing on my chest I can feel whenever I think about her and it doesn’t go away. Every single morning she’s the first thing I think about. Immediately it’s always her and I’m not exaggerating.
We have many things in common such as our taste in music, hobbies, style and friends. Everything I do feels like a constant reminder of her, but I love the things I’m interested in and don’t want to give them up.
In an effort to get over her, I’ve been filling my days with as much as I can. I’ve been running, going to the gym, surrounding myself with friends and family, reading, practicing the guitar and ukelele, and working my job. Still I feel an overbearing feeling of just hurt. I love her so much, not just romantically but as a friend.
We both said that we didn’t want any animosity between us and to remain friends. Therefore, we still follow each other on all social medias because we agreed we should still be friends. However we haven’t talked since the break up. I know we will be seeing each other this fall because we share similar friends and I don’t want it to be awkward later.
I really just don’t want my senior year to be all about this. I want to enjoy myself. I have a feeling that she’s taking this better than me which hurts to think about. I know this is only a high school relationship that probably wasn’t going past that, but I’m in pain and don’t know what to do considering this is my first one. Any advice on how I should handle this?
TL;DR
Broke up with my first long time girl friend and don’t know what to do. I’ve tried a number of things and still feel an overwhelming feels of hurt (it’s been a month). Any advice that you wish you had when you had your first serious breakup?
Part of the problem, to me, is that you aren’t actually dealing with the breakup. You are throwing yourself into activities, and not taking to the time to actually confront your feelings and deal with them. That is why, when you are alone, you are feeling so bad. You need to take some time to be alone and actually process through things. It can take a long time but you will never really get over the relationship until you do.
*We both said that we didn’t want any animosity between us and to remain friends. Therefore, we still follow each other on all social medias because we agreed we should still be friends. However we haven’t talked since the break up. I know we will be seeing each other this fall because we share similar friends and I don’t want it to be awkward later. -* Please, please, please stop this.. Yeah you’re being a good person but this is absolutely going to only make it harder. One day you’ll see a post of her with someone new or out at a party and you’ll get that god awful feeling in your stomach. You don’t necessarily need to block or unfriend – but you can « hide » their posts and activity – trust me this will help get you started.
*In an effort to get over her, I’ve been filling my days with as much as I can. I’ve been running, going to the gym, surrounding myself with friends and family, reading, practicing the guitar and ukelele, and working my job. -* Keep this up!! Use this time to learn who you are on your own rather than part of a couple. Get involved in more activities outside of your norm. Keep yourself open to new activities, new people and new surroundings!
I thought it was the end of the world when my high school sweetheart and I broke up after senior prom – turns out, I didn’t know shit and the world was SO much bigger than I thought.
Best of luck!
r/breakups
After a breakup, you should take some time to stop talking to each other so you can move on. I’m still friends with my most serious ex, we dated for 7 years and it took a year and a half before I was ready to talk to her again without all those feelings. Tell her you care about her and you want to be friends, but in order to move on you need some space. Then take a MINIMUM of 2 or 3 months or until you no longer feel the pain of breakup, and reach out some day if you want and have a real friendship.
I have this rule for myself–when I’m still in love after the break up, I give myself the same amount of time that we were together to heal. You need to let yourself feel what you need to, confront it without distraction, and THEN distract yourself. A relationship (and the breakup after) is supposed to teach you something and be a journey. If you don’t allow yourself the space and time to reflect and rush your own healing, you’ll never learn anything, and it’s gonna be like you never completed the journey at all.
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Also, ummmm, unfollow her or mute her. Not good for you to have a constant reminder.
Here’s the thing…..You’re 17.
It usually takes about half the time you were dating to get over it.
Breakups are emotional wounds, and like all wounds they need time to heal. Some are like papercuts, they hurt for a few moments and then you’re right back on your way as if nothing happened. Others are like car accidents, where you need months of extensive treatment to heal, and even then you never feel quite the same again. But, fortunately for you, breakups are like most injuries in that young people tend to heal from them faster.
Just take it one day at a time and you’ll be feeling better sooner than you realize.
I guess I don’t really understand it . do you feel like you’re interested in her or not interested in her? The second paragraph says you are not.
now I know people can still feel sad at the ending of a relationship even if they were already checking out, but it means that you shouldn’t be in such a depressed state about it.
the way you talk about her on the rest of the paragraphs means that you actually do still have feelings for her.
Or at least the feelings that you used to have, that you think about now that are not together and you just seem to remember all the good times which increases the attachment you have to her.
the idea of being friends in a neutral break up is still possible but it doesn’t mean you have to do it right now. you still need time and distance away from her to get her away the idea of being your girlfriend and instead she is just your friend.
Fella the quickest way to get over an ex (for a male mind you) is to go out and pull a prettier girl for sex. That will immediately remove your ex from the position she currently has in your mind and will build your confidence.
Doesn’t sound like there weren’t feelings.
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