Dating : Gay men ruined straight women for me.
I’m a straight man who experimented, and that experiment changed my views in a terrible way. I really do wish I was gay, but male bodies are still too… Ya know, manly.
The men I experimented with were clearly into me, they approached me, they led the way and made me feel like I was worth being chased.
Now trying to date women again I just want to feel wanted like I did with gay men. I’m not gay, but I wish I was because I hate how much of dating is focused around men chasing women. I know online dating makes it way worse, and I know it’s because women deal with over aggressive men all the time. I’m just tired of having to be the man in a straight dating.
Any bi people here understand how different dating men/women is? Any other curious straights have their view shifted and can relate?
I’ve never experimented with men but for some reason whenever I go out gay men come and hit on me, so I totally know the feeling. It makes you feel wanted, appreciated, and attractive that somebody went out of their way and worked up the courage to hit on you. Whereas when dating women it often feels like you’re in a meat grinder.
Perhaps it’s not so much that gay men ‘ruined’ conventional dating for you, but that you are so comfortable in your own skin that the regular trope of ‘man chases woman’ is a bit lost on you. As you have had relationships with men, you have awoken to the idea of being the chased. Why must there be a single protocol in a much more progressive time? This is no longer the stone age. Woman are more powerful than ever before. They are politicians, millionaires, billionaires, etc. So why must the ambition of a woman suddenly be hindered by the standard of simple coupling?
I know the feeling. I like a woman to chase me. I don’t feel emasculated by it at all. It’s nice to feel so wanted.
Yeah. I really enjoyed experimenting. Being pursued was exciting.
I’m a bi, trans man. Never have been approached by men, women, or anyone else. Not when I presented as a woman, and not now that I am living as me, a guy. I so desperately want to be wanted. My attempts to reach out to others doesn’t go well either… dating is hard.
I relate, Grindr reminds me I’m attractive to a lot of types and Tinder makes me feeling SO fucking unwanted. I’ve been pursued by 2 women before and it felt so good that somebody(s) reached out through the void to make me feel visible.
Not bi but I can 100% relate to this. The modern day heterosexual pursuit of women has almost completely turned me off at this point.
In a way yes, never experimented, but I can understand how their no nonsense confident approach strategy is a refreshing change from women and their almost exclusive requirement to always be the ones being chased. I suppose its like if all you ever had to eat was potato and then one day someone came along and gave you a juicy perfectly done steak with pepper corn sauce.
I’m a bi man, and it is way easier to get attention/dates out of men, but the quality is lacking. I have an assertive personality and have no problem putting in effort for women. Especially if they actually want a relationship and appreciate my personality.
I can see how it would be even more exhausting though if you’re passive and it takes a lot of effort to flirt.
i think this is a big reason so many men have gender dysphoria
I’m a bi woman and I can kinda relate. When I chased women, it was like I wasn’t being as “coodled” per say as I am by a man. I took on the traditional male role in gay relationships and it’s just so much more different than being in a heterosexual one
Ya I’m bi but have a huge preference for woman. Defiantly found many more men I got along with but it was very rare to really find one I had chemistry with but I guess same goes for with woman. I’m just most of the time more attracted to a female then male it’s hard to explain. But yes it’s was so breezy and lovely compared to dating woman. Dating woman is a nightmare comparatively.
I the problem is men are still expected to chase. Women are expected to resist. But we are in an age where women have demanded to be absolute equal. But they won’t chase. Because they might get rejected. Women don’t normally deal well with rejection. Guys get that all the time. Yes some guys are insane. As are some women. Take those out and you still got women wanting to be women but be equal to guy but not accept the same risk as guys.
If you ladies stepped up you might find us guys much more willing to be great first dates.
I understand to some degree, a lot of the culture gay men have built their idenfities around is based around hook up culture; being direct, assertive, ambitious, and unapologetically yourself in the face of a potential romantic or sexual interest. However, I would not agree that gay men are any less picky about their men than straight women are, seeing as the gay community has a huge problem with racism, fatphobia, and transphobia. For every 1 white gay guy getting 50 taps a day on Grindr, there are at least 6 chubby fem gay guys who are being talked down to about their appearences and worth as men. I also feel a lot of the attention I get from men on Grindr (not gay but I enjoy dating trans women), as flattering as it may be, is pretty fleeting.
Ultimately I think straight women are more shy than they are picky. Even girls I have spoken to that I know for a fact were into me have expected me to do the majority of leading the conversation because that’s just what they’ve been conditioned to do for so long. It sucks but in the long term I don’t think I’d trade loving or being loved by women for anything. Maybe you are just gay or bi but being hindered by something?
My experience:
Gay guy approaches you: « hey you’re fun, put together, nice, I’m going to come talk to you lets have a shot and get to know you let’s go dancing hey meet my friends *friends give you drinks/high five and invite you out with smiles* »
You approach a group of women. *concenred looks like who is this guy?* – says hi – girls look concerned by say hi back, talk to their friend the one across the table immediately starts *testing* you, you notice the girl next to you is judging and evaluating every aspect of you in real time. you talk to one for a littel while but do not know whats she is thinking becuase you are just supposed to « read her body language » – she casually mentions that she typically dates tall guys and then talks to a talk guy next to you to try to make you jealous you finally ask for her number and she says « add me on insta instead » you say fine you walk away, find out she blocked you on instagram and send you her onlyfans page instead
Im 5’4
I dunno if there is a god or not but im thankful as fuck that at least he made me gay if he couldn’t give me height
The way some of my friends who are girls talk about guys and height being the most important thing boggles my mind
Gay men don’t care (although its a general preference I guess)
We just wanna cum with everyone lol
They also have only had like 2 or 3 hookups (in their life)
Mine is well into the thousands haha. We fuck at gyms, in parks, toilets, saunas… then there’s grindr, tindr, insta… I use to average 2-3 guys a day.
Being gay is honestly my biggest blessing. Im very lucky to be fortunate to have what my elder generation didn’t and im thankful.
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I feel ya bro.
I don’t really have hands-on experience with other man (yet), as I am still partially closeted living at home, but I tried gay online dating/ chatting on Tinder recently and have to say that it felt much more welcoming.
Then again yesterday, for the first time ever, a women asked me out on a date (on all other dates I’ve been on this far, I had to be the one initiating), which was a huge morale booster.
So maybe it doesn’t even come down to sex/ gender but to finding someone who is genuinely intrested in you.
maybe try dating trans although you might still do the first move
I don’t mean to be rude but it seems like you want a femboy or similar bottom, not an actual woman. Could totally be wrong though.
You said you’re a straight man that experimented and you really wish to be gay? And then you go on to say that you’re “not gay” but wish you were because you don’t like chasing women??? It’s a little confusing but maybe you should let go of whatever is holding you back and just be completely gay…. since that’s where you have the most luck.
I think too often, and naturally, enquires such as this get explained into some trait or aspect of women and/or men, that then gets dragged into matter of patriarchy, historical, social, and sexual isms. Throw in politics and you got your a stew going. In the end, everyone agrees to disagree, or in the case of reddit, the opposite of that.
The truth or the matter is, the internet, but also the infrastructures and accessibility of it, has led to the penetration and exposure of ideas, subjects, and possibilities that so single person would have the time to think.
There has been an overall awakening, in terms of what it what it means to be a man, what it means to be a woman. Women are discovering to a great extent and earlier, that they can be a strong, as powerful and capable as the previous notions attributed to men. At the same time, men are discovering to a greater extent and earlier, that they can be as nurturing, as gentle, as beautiful and as capable as the previous notions attributed to women.
From a certain perspective, this this understood as a crisis. A crisis of identity. And to that effect there are proponent who are either trying to renforcer what they call « values » of a variety of flavor : religion, traditional, cultural and moral etc. On the other side of the spectrum, there are those who see this fundamental shift in perspectives as a new enlightenment. And to that effect there are proponent who are simply trying to « educate » what they call « rational » of a variety of flavors : scientific, evidence based, statistical, moral etc.
As with all cases, there are militants levels on both sides, and, for obvious reasons, are the most vocal and not representive of the average person who just wants to be happy.
Speaking only from the perspective of a man, admittedly I have to acknowledge there is some relatable truth in what you say, although I don’t think it is because I share the details. I find it difficult to really build anything with women, even just platonic relationship. Here « difficult », is in relative, to men. As an illustrative example, I contacted a guy from Uni, who was quite thrilled and happy to chat. But a girl a tried to do the same, for most part was happy, but she also seems to be suspicious for some reason. Like I had an agenda. I left me feeling I wish I didn’t even try.
Although, the example might imply it, I would be not go far to attribute an explanation « women are… », since it could just as well be an explanation « men are… ».
By point being, that it may not be that gay men ruined straight woman. There is a much larger context of the time we lived in. Where everyone is to some extent on some journey to make sense of it all. The real problem is there is too much stuff to do just existing, that people have no time to spend time by themselves to formulate an understanding that is backed by individual experience, instead most just prefer to shop around in the current zeitgeist, that is the internet – which satisfactory for them, but feels superficial too often than not.
For most part, I have personally given up on finding anything/anyone meaningful on the internet, not because it is not possible, but just too many people whoes only intention is to exploit and to profit. Even the most thoughtful platforms get corrupted eventually. They tell you it is about « connecting people », but it should be obvious from the other side, that the business model will be one of retaining and growing the user base.
I rather find some group activity, in person and learn to connect in person, to the extent I understand – woman, men, straight, gay and everything in between.
So do not be so quick to conclude, spend some time understanding in a way only you can.
I feel you man. I’m 23m and I’m straight. My ex gf actually confessed her feelings for me before I had the chance but she was clingy and had anxiety and depression so she was kind of desperate to be taken care of plus us being friends for over a year before hand I think she just felt super comfortable with me to be able to say it. Other than that I’ve never had any instances in my lifetime where a woman was ever forward like that with me. Never had a woman approach and/or flirt or hit on me and I’m 6’1″ I workout am in good shape, honeslty think I have a decently handsome face and I think I am confident enough in myself. On the flip side I’ve had several instances of gay guys straight up approaching me and flirting. Also have caught looks from gay guys on multiple occasions that were very obviously looks of interest. Then we go to tinder. I didn’t have much experience with tinder. I barely used it for a few months before getting with my ex. I downloaded it again after breaking up with my ex and I set it to show me everyone because I was just in the mindset of meeting new people. I didn’t think it would pretty much be all gay guys I thought maybe tinder had shifted in its vibe from the last time I used it and there were others just looking to meet new people. I was wrong in my case. Either way I ended up swiping on a bunch of guys as well as girls and every swipe on a guy was a match and they were all gay. I got maybe 2 matches in several days with women and at least 8 dudes in one day. I guess even gay men are conditioned to chase other men.
For myself every woman I ever been with exception of one.chased me or took little to no effort getting em to the past the thresh hold my bedroom.but I don’t think I will ever be with another woman that chases me too easy not enough struggle and they’re the first type to cheat or leave u
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Know the boundaries between trying to impress people and being desperate. I’m Asian and has this culture of being pleased or chased as a woman when it comes to dating but I’m trying to be more cooperative in dating but honestly, I’m still used to being the one getting asked for a date but one day I may try asking first. The thing is, I don’t know how men handle being rejected esp I have some PTSDs of being rejected by a man I used to love. I know “it’s just a matter of preference” but still….
They act that way cuz they wanna drill you eventually, you like being the object of desire and there’s nothing wrong with women in this sense.
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It’s simple. Men understand men more than women understand men.
I’ve never experimented. But I have lost about half my weight. Like, I’m finally an actual Dad Bod (381-200). Because I’d been morbidly obese my whole life I never felt attractive. Suddenly men started approaching me. Honestly if it weren’t for them I’d still feel super ugly. Now I’m just kinda ugly.
Eh, I’m not ugly now. Actually I’ve been called hot by quite a few dudes, so if I were ever curious I would have the chance.
I think a lot of it is that men are expected to be more forward and take the first steps. I can’t speak too much for women but my impression is that they are more accustomed to being approached. I know some girls that have liked guys but refused to make the first move because they thought that was weird.
I’m super shy and it takes a lot for me to approach someone like that, so I may have missed a lot of opportunities as a result. It would be cool if “equal opportunity approaches” were a thing. Us dudes like to feel desirable, too.