Dating : Do I just have to accept that everyone my age has a fucking child?
Big rant, but I really need to get it out. I’m a 27M in the deep Southern US. I swear, 66% or more of the women that I see on dating websites and apps have at least one child, and that’s fine. At the moment, I have no interest in children. Then these woman have the nerve to call me an asshole when they reveal they have a child/children, and I dont have anymore desire to see or talk to them. Is this a countrywide thing? Or is this just the result of the « sex ed » here?
No. Kids are a major life-changing event. If you don’t want them, that’s your right to not date that person. And I’m saying this as someone who is a parent myself and I love parenthood and want more kids. But I could understand why someone might feel differently than me and kids are something you can’t compromise on. It might be geographical because I’m from a larger city in the Northeast and I’m one of the first people in my social circle to have kids (early 30s).
Just be happy you’re not 38 trying to date.
That’s par for the course. I’m in FL and I can’t believe how many single moms there are. I understand that it’s going to happen sometimes because things don’t always go as planned. But it’s practically standard practice these days. I don’t get it.
Pretty sure it’s a result of the terrible/not accurate sex-Ed. It’s almost weird to have a kid before you’re 30 on the west coast-although those that do are either already married/had a teen pregnancy. But you don’t have to change yourself because that is a huge responsibility to take in when you’re dating someone with a kid.
I’ve pretty much accepted the fact that my chances of meeting a man in his early 30s without 1.5 kids are slim to none. Also in the south.
Not really a big rant.
I’ve had women tell me I am « Not a man. » for not wanting to date them or get involved because they have children. I live in northern USA.
Im from the west coast 28F and a lot of my friends don’t have kids as well as quite a few people my age that don’t also. I’ve always felt I wasn’t ready and make sure to stay protected so no accidents happen. When dating I wouldn’t want to date someone with kids so I kinda get where you’re coming from, could be the area you’re in i guess.
Don’t be mad that there are lots of women with children on dating websites. They’re probably in a similar boat as many of us are (online dating being a much more convenient and useful tool based on how busy they are in real life, taking care of the children/household).
Don’t feel like an @ss and let the women knock you down for not wanting an instant family to start. Not everybody is looking for that in their relationship; you set the terms on your side. Maybe you’ll adjust them if you manage to meet the right one, but it’s perfectly fine to be clear about it. I have no qualms about not going for a woman that has children already (and I’m in my mid 40s, which means it’s a real likelihood).
not sure what the reason is, but you are correct, never settle for a single mom
Most the comments above are likely total NON-STARTERS in other developed Western Social Democracies for a couple of sound reasons:
First, sex ed for K-12 *IS* in the schools, and probably in the homes as well-
Second, birth control and health care FOR ALL *is* in the ‘greater public interest,’ and is therefore publicly funded.
What you’re seeing is a cultural norm of “free-range pregnancies” (which you’ll be shocked and alarmed to learn become real live CHILDREN!) in much of the southern U.S. (and elsewhere, don’t ha know…) borne of poor educations and poor social support norms.
So move to a better-developed country, or to a better educated and socially responsible part of the U.S. and your pool of marriageable candidates will also likely improve.
Or train yourself to associate with wealthier, better educated prospects based on ZIP code-
This is basic sociology and behavioral economics. It ain’t rocket science or brain surgery!
Good Luck!
In your location, yes. Having kids out of wedlock in your teens or 20s is really common for the average American. Places like the deep South are full of average Americans because the successful tend to leave for a major metro area. This is one of those things that nobody thinks about or mentions when they fantasize about how great it is to live in a small town or to escape the « rat race »
A dating website is the classic refuge for desperate, unwanted single mothers who need a man to help ease the burden of their poor life choices. If you want to interact with a lower proportion of single mothers, you should contemplate more « traditional » methods of meeting women.