Dating : As a short guy, women have destroyed all self confidence I’ve ever had.
I dont even know where to begin. I’m so beaten down and just sad at this point that I dont even think I’m worth it to anyone. I’m 25, 5’4 and am athletic/skinny as I mainly just rock climb for exercise. I think I look pretty good, abs and whatnot, I’m just not « big ». I dont set the bar high for myself, I know I cant date women much taller then me. I have almost no expectations for women other then dont be overweight or rude to people who dont deserve it. Other than that, I have super low expectations. I’ve joined a few dating apps and jeez are they soul crushing. I’m up front about my height and get almost zero matches or even interests. The only women who tend to show anything are overweight women. I’m sorry that’s a standard I set for myself and I make sure I’m in good shape. I’m not attracted to overweight women. Now I dont know where I sit on my looks, gay men tend to love me and that’s cool and all but wrong team. I’ve had some extremely good looking women in my life that like to hang out with me and keep me around but never in a romantic way. Which is fine, I dont expect myself to get some of the girls I’ve made friends with, as they are straight up 8s or 9s. So I dont think I’m a bad looking guy then. I feel like I’m just going to end up alone because it’s not fair to even be in a relationship with someone you’re not physically into. I’m just so defeated. I cant be the « man » women want and I dont have much energy left to put into this. I just dont get why a lot of short women dont date around their height. I’m too short for the short girls and I’m too short for the average girls. I feel like if I say any of this out loud people will just attack me for being a woman hater. I mean women physically change their appearance to make themselves look better with makeup but I’m too short to date even though were the same height? Ugh. I’m just sad.
Edit: I understand you may be going through the same struggles but some of you have a lot of hate behind your words. I dont believe in spreading hate like that, even if I’ve been the one suffering in silence.
You’re so not alone. But you have to remember that dating apps are kind of like a free pass for people to be hella shallow without having to justify their reasons or consider the other persons feelings. It brings out the worst in people because they don’t feel any responsibility for the things they’re putting out there. So, don’t lose hope. There are plenty of people out there who are going to dig everything you’re about, dating apps might not be the place for you at the moment though. Especially not tinder.
I understand where all the « short » guys are coming from, as a girl who doesn’t care about height at all. I once dated a guy who was 5’2 whereas I’m 5’7. It doesn’t bother me, but my family, my friends. « Oo look he needs a step stool to kiss you », etc. It’s shaming and annoying and I definitely hate it. There’s no reason to be an asshole. Someone can’t choose their height and everyone no matter how they look is beautiful in someway as long as they aren’t shitty on the inside. I’m sorry that you’re having a hard time finding someone OP, (and anyone else who commented), but know there are girls out there who aren’t « fat » and still like shorter guys.
As a tall girl, I can relate. I literally do not care about my partners height (as long as I’m attracted to them) but I feel like most men want a petite, small partner. I’m in shape and work our and eat well, but I will never be petite. I’m also not super skinny so I just feel like this huge person, and in my experience not many men are attracted to that.
I’ma tell you straight up bro, it’s all in your head. The only reason women break down your self-confidence is because you’re letting them get to you. I didn’t figure that out myself until after my freshman year of college. The woman that is truly interested in you or likes you as a person will ask you if you’d like to hang out with her and her friends ,if you have a gf, and other things of that nature (speaking from experience) and it’s up to you to capitalize by reciproating (I failed to capitalize few times because I had the same mind set).
On the note of you not being able to date taller women, that’s also in your head, because the woman that also truly likes you, likes you for YOU and not your height. I say this because there have been at least two women that, after reflecting on myself and my experiences, were really interested in me and also happened to be taller than me. I’m 5’3 and the two women were at least 3-4 inches taller than me.
You said you’re not worth it, but that’s because you’ve convinced yourself. It’s time to believe in yourself and show that you’re worth it. The woman that likes you will see that you’re worth it.
Dating on tinder is kind of like sending your resume to monster.com.
The hiring managers / women get so many applications that they have to disregard them for minor reasons in order not to get overwhelmed. For a hiring manager, a stupid, but easy, reason to disqualify someone is where they went to school. For women, it’s height.
And then meeting someone in real life is kind of like getting a job through networking. They get a feel for your entire personality, not just stats. That’s what I’d recommend!
Fellow 5’4 dude here. I get it man. Plus I’m Asian. I’m literally on the lowest totem pole for perceived attraction. Get comfortable with the fact that there vast majority of women will write you off. You can accept that reality but you can’t walk around with a defeatist attitude. That will only repel the minority of women that actually do find you attractive.
For online dating, yeah it sucks. Honestly just get over it. Make sure your pictures and profile are the best they can be. And definitely work on your personality so you can make the most of the opportunities you do actually get.
Okay, I feel compelled to say this. Forget all the people bashing you for venting. We all need to sometimes and half of them seem to be projecting their own shit. Otherwise, they wouldn’t feel so compelled to be jerks over the internet. How you feel about yourself is all that matters. Fuck the noise. Love yourself and the rest will fall into place.
I’m not short, though I’m not exactly tall either but I can totally relate to just about all those feelings. Especially the never being good enough for anyone one.
I’m 6 inches taller than my boyfriend (he’s around 5’3” and I’m around 5’9”) and it’s great! If anything I think it’s a plus, I enjoy the occasional double-takes from strangers, and no family or friends have anything negative to say. It definitely might decrease your dating pool somewhat, but who doesn’t have something about them that possible dates would find to be deal breakers? We met online by the way, and we both had our heights on our profiles (there was a space for it in the app we used)
I second someone here who said to date organically. I’d get off the dating sites because they’re notoriously known to be shallow, and if you have low self-esteem a dating site will likely make it worse.
Personally I never understood the « you have to be this tall to date me » mentality many young women seem to have.
I don’t care about the height of my partner. In fact, my past partner was 5’3″ or 5’4″ (I’m 5’1″).
It sounds like you’re putting too much pressure on one person to validate you. I can see that in the title itself. Why not validate yourself? You say that tall women or women who are 8 or a 9 wouldn’t consider you as a date. Why not? Who’s telling you you can’t ask these women out? If these women weren’t around would you call yourself a 8 or a 9? Maybe you can ask your gay friends why they find you attractive and find that it’s because you can feel comfortable around them, knowing you don’t pressure yourself to find a date with them.
It also sounds like you’re overgeneralizing the same group of people based on their appearance, the same ones who you feel are generalizing about you based on your appearance. Not all women who are an 8 or 9 see only appearances. Not all women wear makeup and hide their physical « flaws ». Understand that there are many types of women and they’re not all superficial like you say. Get yourself out of this unhealthy self-fulfilling mindset of low self-confidence and thinking your environment is working against you.
My advice is to start empowering yourself and finding your personality and confidence again. Don’t put this at the hands of a person who has every right to leave you for whatever reason you may or may not find valid. It’s up to ourselves to give ourselves confidence and validation. After that, find a way to showcase your personality and interests in places not so heavily reliant on appearances. We can all agree that online dating is shallow. So go to hobby groups or events that you enjoy where you’ll be surrounded by people you enjoy and will enjoy being around you.
Everyone has things to work on to deem themselves « date-able. » But it all comes down to self-confidence and being your own person. See this as a blessing for you to see yourself as more than just how tall you are. There are people shorter than you with great personalities and confidence and there are people taller than you with terrible personalities. There are so-called physically unattractive people and attractive people by Euro-centric standards but attraction is all relative. In the end, everyone faces the very real possibility of getting dumped when they show their true selves. In the end, no one wants to be around someone who complains a lot (I learned the hard way) and no one should feel the burden of constantly validating their partner due to their low self-confidence. Be good to yourself man. You deserve it. All the superficial stuff can wait.
I’m 5’5’. I have plenty of luck getting women. I work a lot on my confidence, my style, and my overall personal growth. You need to change your mentality. Work on telling yourself you deserve a good girl. I recommend you read the 6 pillars of self esteem and start watching videos to help you with your game with women.
My boyfriend is like 5’5 or 5’6 and I never thought I’d date a short guy but his personality is the best out of anyone I’ve ever known. He is genuinely the most interesting and thoughtful guy I have ever dated, and makes a serious effort to be a good friend, son, and brother. Everyone in his life loves him and I feel blessed that he loves me.
Tl;dr work on your personality
Women are attracted to strength so I suggest lifting weights instead.
Hmm, I think it really might be best for you to get off the apps and try to meet someone outside, maybe even at your rock climbing gym? You might not be tall, but being short with muscles puts you pretty far ahead of the people who are short and skinny or fat and you seem to actually have a nice personality so I think finding someone « in the wild » would work better assuming you aren’t socially awkward or something like that. Good Luck!
Confidence should not come from external sources. Don’t be fooled in giving anyone that much power over you. Anyway not all of us are that shallow so stop focusing on the things you can’t change and focus on what you can- stay true to yourself always, don’t be jaded. F-them if they can’t value you for all you are.
Theres definitely some double standards in there. Body shaming for woman gets a lot of attention nowadays but not much attention is given to men. Society seems to glamourise men who are 6ft, in perfect shape with godly stubble. Unfortunately not everyone wins the genetic lottery. That being said don’t write off the whole female population. It sounds like you don’t have a problem getting woman in your space, in my opinion that’s half the battle. If you’re insecure about your height then you need to focus on accepting this. For reference I know plenty of people who aren’t in half as good of shape as you sound who are as tall or shorter than you that are in relationships. Don’t lose hope and get disillusioned, be patient you’ll find someone. Someone who immediately rejects someone based on their height alone (or any other one physical appearance for that matter) isn’t worth your time and needs to check their ego.
I used to like taller men (42F) and now my SO is quite a bit shorter than me and I think he’s really hot. Like really hot. He made me realise I was getting sucked into what is essentially a fashion trend. Hang in there. Dating apps are convenient but horrid. Sexual chemistry is about so much more than appearance. The important thing is to stay open to opportunities. You’ll find your lady.
Well i am on the shorter side too 168 cms . Had a fair share of rejections so i know what you go through i’d suggest not using the online dating apps because girls there are superficial. I don’t know if you are about Pareto analysis according to which 20% of men on these apps get 80% of matches. Instead, you should try to improve yourself in every aspect of life and become a serial winner (Women wait at the finish line and fuck the winners) . And you should read more about day game where the chances of meeting and talking to girls is quite high.
Fuck dating apps man. They only drag you down, that’s only going to lower your attractiveness.
Dating apps are just there for the top 10% of guys. I’m 6’0” Asian, pretty athletically toned. I’m not getting any matches on these apps, so I wouldn’t sweat it about the height issue. Focus on everything else, and you’ll be fine. Meeting people in person can be very challenging, as now it’s “creepy” to hit on women, or I approach them. Tread carefully, and talk to them to get to know them before you actually express your interest.
Hey man, maybe it’s the mediums you’re using to get women. Have you tried asking out random women while you’re out doing things you enjoy? What about maybe changing the demographic of where you seek companionship? Try a different city or state, or country? My dude, there are many women in the world, I’m sure the perfect one is out there somewhere.
Don’t worry man, there’s always a shorter girl out there. Try not to keep bringing it back/mentioning your height, it’s showing insecurity. You’re more than your height.
Dating apps have to be used passively if you want results. If you treat it like a job it will suck. I also like to climb and find that the climbing gym and yoga studio are excellent places to meet people and have conversations. They may go somewhere from there, but if not that’s okay too. P.s. I’m 6’4″ and also don’t get matches so I honestly wouldn’t blame the height as much as old being awful for everyone.
In the same way people stand up for others these days, like equality for LGBT, anti-sexism etc., there should be finally someone standing up for short people, especially men. People who do not have the genetics that most people look for, and are thus rarely if even at all chosen by someone for the possibility of a romantic relationship.
Find ways to even the playing field in ways you can control. Make more money and excel in your career more than your peers. You are in great shape, but get in even better shape by putting on some muscle weight. Expand your social circle and make friends with high achievers or ppl that have cooler lives. A strong social circle improves your chances especially if you around good ppl who talk you up too other people. Plus you will begin to emulate the same things that make them successful I life.
Its true, women like height, but more than anything they like winners. Be a winner.
You gotta walk away for a bit. When you get your mind right and don’t NEED validation from women again DONT get back on the dating apps. Even if you get matches that are super into you they are 100% already in a committed relationship feeling a 7 year itch or just screwing around on a vacation trip or completely not looking for anything serious.
In the meantime focus on making and saving as much money as you possibly can. Once you have a large bank balance and can begin to enjoy it the attractive women will notice you again.
Oh? It’s shallow advice and kinda makes you feel scummy thinking that’s all people are ultimately interested in? Shitty shallowness disgusts you? THEN STOP DATING! Because it is a disgusting cesspool of shallowness out there on the apps. The only way to meet someone not shallow is organically. Otherwise the apps are literally designed to be shallow.
As a short guy who wants to date conventionally attractive women. MAKE A LOT OF MONEY. Otherwise, move on with your life and realize dating around kinda sucks and lowers your self esteem even if you’re actually good at it.
If you just want to settle down for companionship and love, not to date around. Start doing rock climbing dates with the “fatties” off of tinder. When you meet one who you sees genuinely enjoys rock climbing with you, that’s the one! Cuz guess what…. you ain’t gonna stay fat for long if you genuinely love rock climbing as a new hobby.
There ya go man. My long diatribe of advice for a short guy pulled from my evil psyche.
I’m just letting you know now, I have 15k employees at my work. I’m 5’10 » and tower over a lot of guys. A lot of them are married and a lot of them are vocal about getting girls all the time.
I’m sure a girl will come into your life, just don’t defeat yourself looking for it, just let it happen. When you least expect it some girl will come knocking at the door.
Honestly, the main reason for posting is just to send you some virtual positivity man because it sounds like you need it. Ask one of your friends for a hug.
Dating is so broken these days. Really, it’s tough out there. Women are shallow and these apps make them shallower by the day. The only real advice I can give is to uninstall these crap apps. Seriously they are only going to continue to damage your self worth. Hopefully the few good women commenting on here have made you feel better. Also, don’t think being an inch or two taller would help… I seriously have been told, « I am not tall enough. You have to be 6′ to date me’ which as a guy at 5’11 », I can tell you makes me laugh so hard. It’s a great filter for shit women in the end. Any woman who makes a derogatory comment about your height is not dateable anyways. Best to meet women organically anyways so that they have already seen your height but had a chance to take that in with the experience of the other positives you bring to the table.
As for the loneliness, I recommend finding an activity where touch is part of the participation – even male touch – just to lessen the isolation. Maybe martial arts or dancing? And again, ask for hugs! If that’s not something that you are comfortable with, start getting used to it!
The girls who care are not worth your time. I know you hear that a lot, but it’s so true. I can’t really relate being 6’1, but I can tell you that a buddy of mine who is 5’11 has been passed up by girls for not being 6 foot. It’s such a shallow and meaningless status thing for girls to feel the need for that. If anything, in a weird way I’m somewhat jealous of you in some regards because the girls you will attract will not be shallow or insecure in themselves. I have to find those things out when it’s too late.
That’s rough. As a 5’9″ man, it has been hard enough… I’m sure there are plenty of women out there who don’t care about height… or even looks for that matter. Keep moving forward, there’s plenty of fish in the sea!!
OMG something must be wrong with those people. I am a 5’4 female and I don’t think three is nothing wrong with your height. I’ve dated tall and short men and all that kept me close or away from them has had nothing to do with their height. Men are much more than some large bones. My last couple was almost my height and the sex was great. Ive always have doubted if it can be such good with a very tall guy. I can only say not all women look for the same things. I like a smart and confident man who won’t be down for something he can’t change