Dating : Are we becoming too selfish in modern dating or not selfish enough?
Perhaps a little of both?
It’s becoming common knowledge that modern dating and OLD is changing the dynamics of how men and women select their prospective partners. Ghosting, paradox of choice, abundance mindset, hookup culture, screening questions, grass-is-greener-mentality, etc. the list goes on and on.
The perfectly natural sexual selection tendencies that men and women each employ seem to be amplified (some might say twisted), by the ever “connected” nature of social media and OLD…much to their detriment. Over time men and women tweak, adapt, and adjust their strategies, behaviors, and beliefs, in order to find…whatever it is that their looking for.
It seems that nowadays everyone is becoming more and more frustrated, and jaded with dating. Men and women are becoming extremely suspicious of each others intentions.
They are having to constantly compete.
They are having to constantly screen.
They are having to constantly search for that perfect person who checks all their boxes.
Some say this is a good thing – OLD allows us the ability to look far and wide for that special someone we’re looking for! Why should you settle for anything less than the best? That’s not fair to either of you. Besides, you should explore to find what you like, want, and need!
Some say this is a bad thing – OLD makes us so picky that even the smallest perceived imperfection leads us to drop that prospective partner faster than you can say the word “ghosted.” Rather than communicating and trying to understand a persons flaw or that comment that rubbed you the wrong way, we just assume that they’re definitely not the right person for us and move on to the next!
So my question is this – are we becoming too selfish in our pursuit of romance? Are we not selfish enough?
more selfish i think
people expect not only a connection, but great sex, always casual fun, carefree relationships without any of the work
esp young people will move on the first sign of any upheaval, and first impressions are always most important, sadly
Depression sucks.
We are just going through huge social change in a short amount of time, it has happened often in history and we are just in the middle of the trial and error period.
I think many people are selfish in what they are willing to compromise on, while also not selfish enough to decide they are worth the effort.
I don’t think it’s a black and white issue. I think there are many factors playing into this problem.
For one, social media has trained us to expect instant gratification. Think of a simple Google search. You’re in a law class and you ask a question for a definition. Google automatically pulls exactly what you want on the first page.
You find what you’re looking for and you feel great.
Google is designed to help you find exactly what you need in seconds.
Sure Google has helped educate the entire world for free but you are trained to find what you are looking for immediately. Does that work for dating? Extremely unlikely.
But our subconsciousness is trained to find / consume what we need immediately.
If we can’t find what we are looking for immediately, we get annoyed and maybe even upset.
Facebook, reddit, Instagram, and Twitter do the same thing. They serve up exactly what you want to consume and make it incredibly easy.
Then you start chasing likes and upvotes to get attention because you want to belong somewhere. Which is fine, we all need a community.
But at the end of the day, we are trained to expect instant gratification.
You can apply this same principal to tinder and other dating apps. You get caught up in how many matches you get in a week then tinder deranks your profile because girls are not interested
Then you get frustrated that you can’t get any matches. Then one day, you finally get a match and she ghosts you.
But girls have it rough too. They get 100s of matches and how can guys stand out to get their attention?
By saying or doing ridiculous things like sending dick pics or the perfect pick up line.
Then the girl may find what she’s looking for but it probably doesn’t end up working out because again, who has ever found love instantly? No one.
Then the girl has to filter through hundreds of matches again (if she continues to try).
Everyone then gives up at that point because it’s extremely hard to find someone that clicks with you.
And honestly I don’t know how to fix it. I think dating has always been hard
I completely agree with your assessment, OLD and Media/Social Media have fucked shit up. I’m not sure which it is, but I am inclined to think that we are not selfish enough, in the sense that we are not thinking about whst we really need, but what we think we want, so the check box swiping enables that.
Too selfish. Being in a relationship requires BOTH sides to put in 100%, not some 50/50 or 40/60 or « it’s all about me » attitude. If you’re committed, it has to be about the other person. Porn leads to unrealistic expectations. Since we’re used to instant gratification it leads to getting bored quickly. Old fashioned romance is dead (or dying). Everyone has different ideas about what « the other person » should be doing.
Meh. I think it’s more that if people *really* want to date, they’ll use OLD to date. If people kinda wanna date, but don’t actually want to put the effort in or secretly kinda don’t *really* want to find a partner they’ll rant and rave about how shit OLD is.
The person who actually wants to date will talk and ask you to clarify or explain your position on something if it initially comes out wrong.
The person who is just bored will find something they don’t like about you and never talk to you again.
That’s just my take on it.
Too selfish
More selfish no doubt.
This made me think about the whole men vs women in online dating situation.
Women in this situation are too selfish while lots of men arent. This leads to women being able to be picky, or atleast think they are while they just talk to very attractive and rich people vs the regular average man. Thats proved by the statistics okcupid provided.
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Both parties have it worse in the end as both never are able to reach out to people they share a great bond with someday.
I wouldn’t think selfish as much as overwhelmed and kind of hysteric.
i think most ppl are just too focused on careers. ppl don’t value friendships and relationships as much. why should they? they can easily find someone else. women are a lot more picky now days. any sense of flaw and she’ll find someone better
What with the death of traditional gender roles (which have been practically the same since before history) and the introduction of internet dating and apps, the game has effectively « changed ». It’s gonna take at least a few generations for us to learn the rules
competition is funny on reddit, cuz on some, they’ll downvote your comment to be on top XD