Dating : 29F feeling stuck and frustrated with dating
I have been single for over 6 years now. I have grown to love and hate the single life.
I always thought my « person » was out there and I just had to work on myself, build a life I was proud of and it would happen when I least expect it. But lately, I have been feeling so stuck in the dating world. I try dating apps but even when I feel like I meet someone who I feel we have an honest connection, I find the guy fades out or ghosts me. I am just so frustrated by the lack of intention guys have.
I am a pretty, chill girl who is social and has a lot of interests but the longer I am single and the more rejection I go thru the harder it gets for me to keep putting myself out there. The loneliness lately has started to eat away at me, I try my best to look on the bright side and be thankful for this season of life because it has taught me soooooo much but I am more than ready to have companionship. I know it better to be with yourself then with the wrong person but I just don’t know how to continue to thrive when my heart feels so heavy.
I guess I am hoping others out there feel the same way, I know there won’t be a magic fix but I just don’t know what else to do to shake this craving of companionship.
Same same, just on the male side. I’ve found that with age, its become a tad more difficult to engage with random people, because theres an assumption that with age, comes experience. Personally, I’m in great shape and a decent looking gentleman, but that doesnt necessarily translate into the confidence that people expect. I just kinda want to be silly and vulnerable.
Honestly, if you’re a chill girl, then just do your own thing. Find things you love doing that make you smile, and do not give people too much importance.
Sometimes I wish people would talk like this in real life, would make it so much easier to vibe with real peoples.
Much love homegirl.
You sound exactly like me. And it took me a long time to be happy by myself. Technology has made dating like a vending machine. People can just get another person. From what I can tell after all these years dating, you just have to keep your chin up, stay productive and busy, spend time with friends and family, try new hobbies if possible, and keep meeting new people in the hopes that you will finally meet someone that isn’t perfect, but fits your needs.
It’s in our nature to seek companionship, but we become interested in living the single life because of hardships we face in trying to find that companion.
I think people make things a lot more difficult for themselves.
I gave up on dating, and I’ve never been happier.
I’m 28M, and can focus on living my life, without having to worry about becoming part of someone elses.
My only advice to you, is to focus on yourself.
Stop expecting things from people. Expectations only lead to disappointment.
Hope this helps
Feel exactly the same. I just turned 28 last month and the loneliness is hitting me hard. The closer I get to 30 the worse I feel. I always told myself by 30 I would have everything in order, I’m nowhere near that and don’t see it happening anytime soon. I dont have the career I imagined, the family, the success, body, etc. I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life but it wasnt until a year and half ago that I actually started to drop the weight I’m so close to my goal but it’s done nothing for my confidence and in fact I feel more insecure now than when I was bigger. My friends try to set me up with women but I still dont feel good enough for anyone. I’ve gone on a couple of dates recently but they seemed forced and when I tell my friends I’m not interested they think something is wrong with me but damn I just wasn’t feeling them. Honestly at this point I’m not even looking I’m kind of just hoping something falls into my lap (it won’t lol), I’m lonely yes but I also dont feel like I bring much to the table. Will I ever feel good enough for someone? Who knows? But until then I’ll continue to try and better myself. Good luck to us both!
Have you tried meeting guys that aren’t on dating apps? as a dude I had similar issues with dating women on apps but had a lot more success just talking to women irl through social groups, meetup events/groups, etc. My current gf I originally met at a meetup event where we went river tubing together, then we just started hanging out more and I guess it sorta organically came from that.
Also, personally I think meeting people at social things irl helps weed out people that are not great to date (especially people with terrible personalities). Don’t feel bad about taking a break either from dating, personally I was about to give up myself since I had so many bad dates with girls but I just started hanging out with her more and things happened to click I guess
May I ask what else you use besides dating apps to result in you going on dates?
Welcome to the club. 30M. I try, nothing happens. I don’t try, nothing happens. It’s brutal.
Best of luck in the future.
You’re not alone in feeling this way. Wish it was better for either of us. I just completely deleted all my dating profiles and such for various reasons (unresponsiveness mostly, or I’m getting objectified (yep, happens to men too)), felt like it was just a waste of time.
Wish you best luck though. Everybody deserves companionship.
Not everyone has to reach perfection single to find a partner. IMO you’ll drive yourself crazy with the belief the world is waiting to respond to your emotions or character. The world only responds to your actions. You don’t find a relationship by being ready for one mentally while simultaneously not wanting one and then waiting for the world to magically deliver someone to you.
I don’t know why people say that whole “be happy and enjoy your life and you’ll meet someone” crap. It’s not true. If you like your life and have been single for a long time, it’s not because you don’t enjoy yourself enough.
Rooting for you OP! Don’t force it but don’t be afraid to take a chance!
If you can blend into a French crowd as opposed to a Congolese one the odds of you finding someone are the best they will be
The Wall is approaching. Panic attack.
Alpha widow lol
Sounds like a problem with you. Maybe you got the wrong expectations for the guys you meet. Just having lots of interests and being social don’t make you a good date. Men, real men wanna be respected. If you only go after tools or some gym head then you setting yourself up for failure. Not that all gym rats are bad but we talking broad here. If you are 300 lbs and want a chiseled dude but cant be bothered to improve yourself that would be part your problem. If your dude don’t know how to make a fire change a tire and use and maintain a firearm then chances are he dont give a fuck about you cause he do t care about improving himself. If you want a man that is dedicated be dedicated to yourself then be dedicated to him. By the way you asked for peoples opinions before you get excited. You got a ton of women in here telling you how wonderful you are not doing a dam thing but setting you up for failure. So before anyone wants to moan and complain if you wa t to get past this dumbassery you need some real shit.
Most guys have felt this since being 16
They ghost you after they lay you. Or they sense that you are just another used to be thot approaching 30. Surprised no one has told you this
Maybe your body count is too high?
[You’re screwed.](https://i.imgur.com/7LDnT4p.jpg)
And before the righteous indignation kicks in, consider that is the CDC talking.
The single largest, most extensive, highest funded and most voluminous authority on diseases and pathologies *in human history*.
If anyone wants to tell me, and the CDC, why that’s wrong, please do.
26F here, I have decided to stay single for now. I’m no longer interested in trying to date.
I feel like I’m trapped, and have issues with guys as well. I can’t find a man, who doesn’t have too many issues. I can handle certain things, like parents but other things like suicide I can’t handle. Maybe just have good friends, that’s what I’m doing.
I feel like this and I’m 20 would I honestly wish someone would just rearrange marry me and just see how that works tbh I just want to meet someone willing to look out for one another
I feel you. I think it’s ok to not put pressure on yourself and think just getting into hobbies without the intention of dating might help – you get to have fun, be productive and not have dating stress while meeting new people. I also would suggest looking for older guys too who might not be as prone to ghost.
Yep. Everyone age-appropriate and interesting is married or has kids. I’m just waiting for them to all get divorced in a few years so I can date people who remember the days before the internet again.
[You need a man with sen-si-ti-vity](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3U1YjPxPDc)
It’s just the modern world. Everyone has a really short attention spans and it’s just do easy to find someone new and move on.
People have more selection than ever and they are expecting far too much as they are wanting that perfect Instagram lifestyle.
My friend is going through this now. She has dated guys for months but they never put a label on it and when she asks they say they don’t want a relationship then are in a relationship with someone else like a month later.
She has finally taken a step back from the dating world as she was really starting to fall into depression and question her worth. She has started therapy now and I am so proud of her. Maybe you also need to take some time to figure out those kinds of things and work on being completely happy without a relationship. I know it’s easier said than done but it could be something you need right now.
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Its a different world now, men and women are freed from the domestic roles they were forced into in the past of provider and homekeeper. I think we need to accept lives as individuals now instead of becoming “one” person which marriage is supposed to represent.
Translation: I have been riding the penis carousel for six years and now my SVM is plummeting I am looking for that nice beta guy that I have probably met and ignored many times over and now nobody wants me because I am almost a post wall cat-lady with a lot of baggage and demands.
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Does that sound about right?
Yup same way…I just can’t find someone with similar interests…my ex of 6 months was assaulted twice while we were together and I had to leave her as she wouldn’t learn self defense or even how to shoot
Sooo I talk to several people. In the past I would have given up but I’m 30 now (technically 31). I worked on myself to the point where I’m good. I was « happy » being alone, but honestly that gets boring. I kinda forgot how to socialize from isolating so much. Now I would pass for an extrovert.
What did it for me is not giving a shit – opening my doors and saying come what may. I actively pursue new people. I don’t connect with everyone, but I’ve had a lot of « new » experiences that have made me much better at dating/life in general.
The idea of « your person » – let that ish go. No one, and I mean NO ONE, is « *your* » person. They are they. You are you. ***The magic comes from people you VIBE with*** – other chill souls that are here doing whatever. I get along great with these people. I would probably get along with you.
Most of the pain in my life was a result of investing in the wrong people. I avoid these asshat types like the plague. I don’t go against my judgement – my judgement is good. I DO manage my expectations, and have very few of others. Treat me well. That’s about it.
So if you adopt my attitude, I think you’ll find a lot of « your people » – people you *enjoy spending time with*. Don’t dump it all on just one: spread it around! Give as much as they give you or as much as you’re comfortable with. Honestly several is better than one. I stopped looking for « that one », but some day I do think I’ll find « that one that’s right *for me* ». If she returns the favor, it is ON.
[21M]
I’ve been more alone in the last three years in college than I was in high school. I thought I knew what loneliness was when I was graduating, but now I’ve come to understand a deeper aspect of it.
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I have no friends. None. The only thing off about me is that I am a little socially awkward / really quiet. When I had made friends in the beginning of my college career, they all have ghosted me for no reason that I know of or in favor of each other and icing me out. I am in a couple of online groups but everywhere I go, I still slowly feel that withdrawal from them after a little while. It can get quite depressing. I’m always told « You still just need to find your niche » … but I never find it.
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I’m lonely, yet I don’t want to make friends (irl) because I feel like people will just keep on hurting me even though I repeatedly put myself out there and always treat others with kindness. I feel like I can’t let anyone in cause it always just ends up bad.
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While my loneliness does come from me being completely socially removed currently, I have resided to try to make peace with myself and accept that myself is the best company I can ask for… or perhaps a pet, lol. But that’s for another time.
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I try to not think about the face that I’ve been ‘iced’ out my whole life. However… the only thing I wasn’t iced out in, was sports when I was younger, cause I was really good at that, but I don’t enjoy sports anymore and my lack of in person social ability has turned me into « that guy » (the one that’s picked last).
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Dating apps also made me feel even worse about myself. It wasn’t until I had to delete all of the dating apps and my social media that I actually… felt… somewhat lighter, but I still always feel this emptiness inside my stomach when I wake up and go to sleep.
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I just hope I have enough strength to not give in to my demons.