Dating : A date told me they were a bad person after our date, I think I avoided a red flag?
So I went on a 2nd date with someone I met a month ago. Things started out great we went to a restaurant and then an after party at my friends house celebrating his and his girlfriends anniversary. One thing I noticed that on this date she wasn’t as lovey dovey as she was in the first date but I didn’t mind and we continued to play some laid back drinking games and cards. It was getting late and I didn’t drink more than 3 beers so I told her I could drop her off before I go home. She told me out of nowhere during the drive that “ I’m a bad person” and left my car without saying goodbye when I parked outside her house. And for some reason my gut is buzzing “don’t talk to her again” and I just felt an extreme sense of pain and hurt coming from her. Could she be projecting her past relationships on me? Is it worth just dropping it cold turkey? Or is my gut being paranoid from my past experiences from a bad ex?? My gut still says don’t talk to her but my head says “maybe ask why she felt that way”
My friends told me “if someone tells you they are a bad person, RUN”
OP, if I were you I’d be grateful that this person told you straight-out that she’s not a good person rather than letting you get further invested in this relationship. Sometimes it can take weeks, months or years for someone to reveal their truth like this. You deserve better. Your friends are right: when someone tells you who they are, LISTEN.
I dated someone who I thought was perfect for me. We got along well, we were okay with each other’s flaws, and were comfortable around each other. It was going so well.
That said, I did notice one red flag when, the one time I slept over, she got angry over people working on the apartment downstairs at 7am, flipped out and asked me to leave so she could be alone. But she apologized and said it was just a bad morning.
Fast forward a week maybe, and after having asked about being exclusive before and having gotten a not yet but likely answer, she came clean. Told me that she’s poly, and that she’s a bad person and liar. I asked her if it had said poly on her profile and she said yes, but I don’t remember seeing it.
She asked if I could head out because it was getting late and her roommates might get annoyed, and asked if we could still stay friends, but I unfriended her and was pretty pissed off about it.
It’s a huge red flag. Definitely avoid people who say this. They’ll use it as an excuse down the line when they do something to hurt. “I told you I’m a bad person. You should have known this would happen.” Consider this bullet dodged.
So umm… don’t bring strange people to your friend’s house. 2nd date? You didn’t know this girl.
And yes, RUN, hide, disappear… big ass red flag. She could just be going through something but that’s not your ho to save. Jk, but this isn’t your problem to fix, or work through.
Drop out being cold I say is a red flag, my abusive ex was cold a lot towards me. He will pretend to be kind than some days he would be mean for no reason like if he really got angry he would scream in my face, call me a cheater or imply I was etc. At lease, she acknowledges she a bad person? That experience might made my skin crawl if it happens to me. I say dodge her as fast as you can!.
That could be her way of ending things with you without leaving any open doors for you to try and reconcile for another date.
Take it for what it is — the end of the dating process with her. Whether it was her choice by throwing that statement out there, or your choice for taking it as a concern that you don’t want to get involved with, it’s over.