Dating : Am I the only one who feels like they’re doing an interview?
Seriously.
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I use Tinder, and had used a few other dating apps. I’m not a bad looking guy. I’m a bit overweight, but I’ve been working out and I’ve lost quite a bit of weight and still losing. But I can’t help but feel like it’s basically pulling teeth trying to have a conversation with the women I match with. (Specifically the ones that are looking for a relationship.)
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If I don’t leave a question at the end of every message, 9/10 times they will just stop responding full halt. So it turns into this bizarre scenario where I feel like I’m asking questions to a five year old.
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« What food do you like? »
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« What music do you listen to? »
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« What are some of your hobbies? »
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I feel like I’m doing an interview, and it’s fucking exhausting. I’m so tired of carrying the conversations, and it feels like I’m the only one. My friends don’t have this problem at all, and they send basically the same things that I send.
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Or if you say one wrong thing, and everything stops. Not like a ‘crossing the line’ thing, but as a ‘weird way to phrase that’ way.
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The last occurrence was me and this woman were having a good time talking back and forth, talking about music and such. She tells me she went to warped tour and saw one of my favorite bands, and I said something along the lines « Careful, you’re checking off all the boxes lol » and talked about how they were my favorite. No response. Dead halt. Full stop. We had been flirting before that, so it’s not like it came out of nowhere.
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This is mostly me ranting, but damn does it get annoying. I’d like to say I’m paranoid and impatient, but when I say they stop responding full halt, I mean it. No response EVER.
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I also don’t like being ‘that guy’ and constantly sending messages after. I start feeling desperate and creepy.
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Am I the only guy that is having this problem? Maybe I just suck at small talk (I can get people to cry laughing in person, but small talking to people over text that I’ve never met is just a huge weakness of mine), but I’m not sure what else I could do without being creepy.
At least you get conversations going. I hardly get matches and when I do I usually dont even get anyone message back.
Small talk is nearly essential. It allows you to get the basics about a person and then hopefully find a common connection I.e. a film, hobby, music that yous can talk further about. Talking about something completely random gets boring after the first few messages.
In terms of messaging, if they dont reply then dont message again. Double texting is a no no. If you do message them again, only do it once. If they dont reply again then dont message them. That starts getting on the desperate/creepy side
women on tinder get tons of matches and are able to pick the best men, so unless you are tall and handsome its generally not worth it