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Dating : Be honest: have you pursued someone already in a relationship? How did it go?

Dating : Be honest: have you pursued someone already in a relationship? How did it go?


I’ve seen a lot of people on here (and other dating subreddits) with this attitude of « I’d NEVER ask someone out who’s taken and you shouldn’t either ». While it’s true that going after someone who’s already committed can lead to potential problems, some of these people act a little holier-than-thou about it

And let’s be honest: people have, and will continue to, pursue others who are already in a relationship. I’m curious to hear your experiences if you’ve done it, regardless of whether you were successful or not

What do you think?

11 Comments

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  1. Been there very recently. And no, nothing good can possibly come out of that.

    Either:

    A – She’ll think you are a jerk for doing that and 100% ignore you for the rest of eternity;

    B – She’ll break up with her boyfriend to be with you, and show you that later down the line she’ll dump you for some other guy.

  2. That just shows a pure lack of respect. Especially for the person they’re dating. And if you DO manage to get someone to break up with their partner to be with you, it just goes to show that they’ll likely be willing to break up with you if someone else starts trying to get at them as well. Just don’t do it.

  3. Yeah. I shouldn’t have, but I did.

    She was in a self described shitty relationship. In reality, she was a horrible girlfriend who cheated a lot. I approached it as a total nice guy. Eventually told her I had feelings for her, got declined. Still hang out as friends. Hook up a week later, she said « never again » and I told her I can’t just be friends, so we’re done. Another week goes by, we are at a social thing where things are super awkward. I stupidly offer her to come out with me to a bar afterwards where I was meeting up with a group. Another week goes by, she breaks up with the bf to be with me. We date for a week which culminated to her ending things as we were heading out the door for my birthday party and to get back with her ex the following day.

    Yeah. That was one of the most stupid things I’ve done.

  4. done it in years past … not pursued but she flirted a bit with me and once I seen I had a green light… I went for it couldn’t help it… we were both physicslly attractive to each other and due to it being work we had ample opportunity to get our chemistry to mix…

    it wasn’t me trying to break up a home it was we knew what we did to each other and she kept « orchestrating » scenarios I wouldn’t protest against

  5. Yep, I was already pursuing her before she started dating someone else. It was a dick move but I pretty much completely disregarded their relationship when it was just us, but played nice with the boyfriend in front of her. I ended up fucking her twice while they were still together and she broke it off with him to be with me. Not my proudest moment and since then I feel really terrible about it how it must have affected the other dude, but ngl at the time it felt pretty badass to steal another dude’s girl.

  6. yeah because i sucked. i previously had a fling with a dude that lived a couple states away from me, he was in a band with a few of my friends that live here. he fell for me HARD and i didn’t want to do an ldr so we agreed to be friends. i was also semi casually seeing another dude and i didn’t want to over complicate the relative freedom i had. one night i was at a party and very drunk and messaged him. he was dating some girl that was in his town but he knew it wasn’t going to be long term. turns out he was going to be moving here. so i told him i wanted to be with him and he should leave this girl. he did (after a few days of him cheating on her with me…) and moved out here after a couple months. he visited a couple times before then and things were…less than ideal. he got here and it turned out he picked up a nice coke addiction and had no intention of getting a job or a car. so i dumped his ass. 0/10 would not do again. not worth it and hurting the other person is awful and makes you feel like trash.

  7. I didn’t do the pursuing at all but the guys did. It has happened to me twice.

    First time he had a girlfriend and they were in an ‘open relationship’. He never actually told me about her. I found out through his Facebook profile. We were only together for two weeks. It ended after I confronted him about it.

    Second time was more recently. Again I did not pursue, he did. He actually did tell me about her but not right away. It was kind of like a doomed relationship situation. Like holding on because it is easier than breaking up. The whole situation was terrible.

  8. I did once. It was « partially successful » depending on your perspective. Looking back, never in my life was I more pathetic and stupid.

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