Dating : beaten down by modern dating
I (24f) have been struggling with the idea of dating for a while. It feels like dating has become a competition for who can care the least. I hate that showing an ounce of vulnerability or setting bare minimum expectations results in being labeled as crazy or high maintenance. I’m tired of making myself smaller for a man, as to not « scare him off » (but like actually…). I haven’t been on a date or even entertained the idea of one in months because I have accepted that this is unfortunately the reality of our society today. I think that being able to love deeply is special and I don’t want to lose that quality just because I haven’t been able to find someone who remotely matches this energy. I know that when I meet whoever I’m meant to be with they’ll want nothing less than all of me. But it’s hard knowing that I’m only 24 and already burnt out by dating. If you can relate to this, how do you deal with it?
…or do I just live in Los Angeles?
You live in LA. But also, dating just sucks
I think the issue is people are trying to develop romantic relationships with strangers. It’s a strategy that’s pretty much bound to fail. People are investing themselves into people emotionally when they don’t even know them. They use all these irrational heuristics to judge the quality of the relationship or person based on little things that don’t matter because they have nothing else to go on.
The chance of being romantically compatible with a stranger is much lower than the chance of being compatible with someone you’re already friends with. Not to mention someone who’s your friend is far less likely to play games with you for attention.
I feel like too many people are too desperate to have the patience to do it via friendship. They want to look for some instant, obvious sign that foretells a great relationship, but it doesn’t exist. You have to know people first.
So people are blindly running around pouring their feelings into stupid places, or they’re jaded and avoiding connection because they’ve been hurt by pouring their feelings into a stupid investment (like some person they hung out with like 5 times who *totally seemed like they wanted a relationship*), but still dating because they don’t want to be alone.
It’s a mess and I don’t want to participate in it. Like what’s the point in trying to get romantic with someone you can’t even trust yet?
I feel like dating just sucks in your 20’s because everyone’s trying so hard to be aloof and no one wants to expose themselves to anything real. I live near Seatle and find it all just a little soul crushing. I know there are people out there who are looking for genuine relationships and connections but it feels like I just can’t find them.
I was beaten down by traditional dating before the Internet lol
I’m sure being in la doesn’t help, however based on a lot of the posts here it seems to be a common problem. Keep your chin up and stick to your convictions. You’ll find a guy that can keep up eventually. You will likely have to go thru several Mr wrongs first though.
Same, or if you express wanting to be exclusive or committed to someone its like you’re asking them to marry you. People dont want to be tied down, have limited emotional availability, but like we’re not getting any younger. Are people really ok with just dating around until they’re old?
Hey there, i am 22 and feel the exact same. Its not you. Men just suck lol
Dating can be a bit of a mess sometimes, at least you live in a large coastal city, that helps a lot.
I’m curious what these « minimum expectations/standards » are.
32M here.
Dating is, unfortunately, a complete shit show for everyone. It’s hard to find people you click with and it is hard to figure out what you’re supposed to do when you do. Don’t come across as too interested or you’ll scare them away! But also don’t act uninterested, because they’ll get bored and leave!
I don’t have any answers for you, but I feel your pain.
So you have thousands of men trying to date you on your app, and what’s you problem exactly? Can’t find one single guy you like? Stop chasing vapid tall supermodels maybe.
I’ll date you and I’ll both listen and allow you to be just as big as you please
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But I somehow don’t recall you matching with me?
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(It’s a comment on the state of things. I’m too old for you, but I’m pretty sure you’d never swipe right on a 25-28 year old version of me 😀 )
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That is the thing about dating. If you want something good that others also want then you need to fight hard for it and outshine other girls. On the other hand, if you ever give up there is litteraly 100s if not 1000s of guys willing to be yours forever and ever 😀
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But one thing … Stop doing this
> I’m tired of making myself smaller for a man, as to not « scare him off »
So what if you do scare him off .. Doesn’t sound like you’re doing particularly well with that strategy .. and trust me on this one .. You don’t want that kind of power dynamic, where you’re tip-toe’ing around a dude and he holds all the power
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Anywas .. Best of luck!