Dating : Brother thinking about getting back with cheating girlfriend

Dating : Brother thinking about getting back with cheating girlfriend

Backstory: My brother (22) and his now Ex-GF (23) (let’s call her Hannah) had been together for 2 years. They met studying abroad for a year in Europe. After that year he transferred to her University in her home country. He didn’t get into the main campus and instead went to the University’s satellite school about an hour and a half away. But they still saw each other almost every weekend. They had a great next year together and he got to know her family and became very close with them. That next summer, my Dad’s family and I flew to Europe to visit him. We met Hannah and her family. We had a really good time getting to know them and they seemed really happy together.

After our stay Hannah even came to the US to visit for a month. She and my brother stayed at my house while they were here. They tried to do something every day, visiting our family, local activities, camping etc…. They seemed like they had a really good time.

After that month Hannah flew home by herself and my brother stayed an additional month with me. Less than 2 weeks later he gets a text from her (nighttime for her). She is at a party and wants to know if it is ok if she sleeps with someone if it’s “not out of love”. She was drunk and horny and just wanted sex. My brother responded with a firm no. She never texted back but instead called him 15 min later. AGAIN she asked him the same thing, she was horny and wanted to have sex but it “wasn’t out of love”. He again said no (again talking now not over text) and said he would end the relationship if she followed through. She didn’t give a definitive yes/no that she would/wouldn’t.

That night (her morning) she msged him saying that she had in fact cheated. In addition, she had a history with the guy she slept with, although it was before meeting my brother and she claimed this was the first time. Hannah sent multiple msgs saying she was sorry and she didn’t do it out of love etc… She called him and they spoke briefly but he said that he didn’t want to talk over the phone and would talk in person when he flew back. She was crying the whole time.

Surprisingly my brother took it pretty well. I was furious and felt disrespected having had her just stay in my house for the past month. I was dumbfounded why I was more angry than my brother?? Turns out after talking with him HE had cheated with a previous girlfriend (not Hannah ). Although different (the girl my brother cheated on never found out) he still had sympathy for her. At this point I had lost significant respect for my brother not only because he cheated but because he didn’t tell me.

Fast forward to the next school year and he actually got back together with her for a period of time. He also kept that hidden from friends and family (including me). I finally found out when a photo of them having dinner surfaced on social media and I confronted him. He said he felt bad but he kept it secret because he didn’t want everyone to berate him. He ended the relationship a few months later because he felt he couldn’t commit to a full relationship (same love, care, trust) as they’d been in the past. Partially due to family/friend’s pressure of what we’d think if we found out. I told him I understand why he hid it from us but at the same time we love him more than anything and just want what’s best for him.

Need Advice: Now, a full year after the cheating and half a year after the second breakup he is thinking about getting back together again. I’ll be honest, I’m really against it and I think he should just put her in the past and move on. Am I being selfish though? How can he trust her after cheating like that? What should I tell him?