Dating : Dating a Divorced man with children?
I (F, 36) have been attracted to my boss (M,42) since the day he interviewed me. We get on like a house on fire because we have a lot in common ie shared passion to do with the work, we both have lived in France and Italy during various times of our lives etc…..
He too has expressed an interest in me and made no secret of wanting to pursue a relationship with me. He is also aware of my nature in that I am not a casual dater and when I date it is for the long term relationships.
He is divorced, having been married for nearly 17 years. I could deal with that but he has 3 daughters, which I find really difficult to come to terms with.
I am v. traditional and conservative in my thinking and I think after a couple months I would have issues with blended families – for the record, I can’t understand why people continue to prolong the misery of 2 adults who hate each other just for the sake of children who are going to be scarred by the divorce and fighting/arguing that would have preceded it. I would actually respect these divorced couples more if they said ‘my marriage didn’t work out and was a failure and I am starting again afresh with someone new, for a new family’
Yes, if you haven’t guessed by now I am v. jealous, envious, insecure, possessive and territorial. I don’t know if I could or should be in a relationship with a divorced man with 3 children – any advice/ stories?
I also dont know how likely it is that he would want more children and if so, how many given that he already has 3!
r/relationships could probably give some help as well. Seems like you would be better off not going for it. His daughters will always be #1
Wow… just… wow.
It sounds like this isn’t the man for you. His daughters aren’t going anywhere and if he’s a good man they are always going to come first. It doesn’t sound like you can handle the responsibility of being a step mom, and if you ever got married you seem to expect he is going to just create a whole new life and family with you and forget his old one. Maybe I’m misreading you but not only is that idea unrealistic, it’s extremely selfish.
Additionally I don’t think you should be throwing stones at people who tried to fight for their marriage 1. The conservative/traditional point of view which you claim to have would be that he should have stayed married not say fuck all I’m getting a new life. And 2. Doesn’t sound like you’ve ever been married and clearly don’t have kids so should you really be making judgments on circumstances which you have no experience with? It’s easy to judge people when you don’t know what their struggle is like. (I’m divorced no kids FYI)
I once set up two friends on a blind date because I thought they would like each other. One of them was a single mother. Turns out being a single mother was a huge deal breaker to my other friend, and they didn’t go out again.
When my friend told me that, I lost some respect for him. Not wanting to deal with someone else’s kids? Someone you really like? Lame as hell. Nurturing men are amazing. Lots of people stay in terrible marriages or abandon their families altogether. It takes a lot of courage and integrity to leave a relationship that isn’t working and navigate the challenging realities of parenting and dating.
Wait, why am I even writing this? Sounds like you’ve already made your mind up and have a super rigid view of relationships.
If you love this man you love his children too. Period. If that’s too much for you then move on. Life is too short.
Are you 36 or 16?