Dating : Dating apps – it is just me or is no one actually interested?
So I have been kind of half assing the whole dating apps thing for a couple of years but every time I match with someone it seems to go absolutely no where. I will get matched with a girl on bumble she will message me and I will respond back and then she will say nothing back lol. Not going to lie my message back is never really intriguing. It is usually “hey how was your weekend” or something along the lines of that but if they were actually interested I would assume a response. I also hate talking to people over text message or apps and would rather talk to someone in person. I have never met someone in person on these apps and have had around 5-10 close chances where things have just fallen through or someone cancels.
Anyone have any advice about meeting people or have any success with these apps?
Honestly I think dating apps are extremely superficial. If you are over 6 feet, in shape, attractive, good job, educated, then it is no problem getting dates. That’s the problem tho, if you don’t fit that category I think it can be very difficult. Dating apps are inherently superficial though, you are making a decision to talk to someone solely based on pictures and in some cases, only sentences about them. Once the conversation can start, then you can learn more, but initiating can be hard if you do not stand out. This is not necessarily true in all cases, there are exceptions. I am basing this on multiple threads from guys saying that they have been on dating apps for years with no luck. I fit in the category I described and getting dates has been relatively easy for me.
Nobody is interested on dating apps, they’re all just looking for validation. I’m pretty much using them to figure out how to exploit the algorithms; I’ve figured out how to get further up the rankings on Tinder and Bumble, OKCupid and POF don’t really seem to have any real kind of system that I can figure out. I’m sure as hell not there to actually meet anyone though.
The apps take effort tbh to get anywhere. I’ve had dates with a fair few girls from tinder/bumble but It’s a numbers game really and a lot of girls probably have a big pool of matches to choose from so it’s tough. You will need to just say more then a generic hi, how are you as they are probably getting this message a lot and it’s not too hard to say something that stands out a bit.
See figure 1
https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a
SO I have a lot of thoughts on this topic. I spent 5 years on dating apps before I finally found « my person. » I spent a lot of time on apps, mostly Bumble and Hinge, but I used some others occasionally like Tinder. I had a similar experience, except I did meet up with a lot of people I connected with online, but I could never turn it into a long-term relationship, which is what I was looking for. I think a lot of my problem was that I tried to rush or force it all. I would get upset, and then I would swipe right on a TON of people. Then I’d message basically everyone I matched with, regardless of what I thought of them or their profile. It was just… a lot, and sometimes took a toll on my mental health.
But then one day, I was on and swiped with a guy who was cute and more importantly, I loved his bio. While I typically just messaged people with a « Hey, how’s it going » or something vague like that, I chose to make a point to comment on what was in his bio. He responded pretty quickly and we only talked on the app for about 10 exchanges or so before he asked me out and we traded numbers. We met up 2 days later and have been together ever since! It’s been over a year now and we’re living together, so while I’m biased, I do believe dating apps can work.
Here’s what I recommend:
1. Be intentional in your messages, especially at the beginning. Don’t just say hi or how’s your weekend or something boring. Make a point to comment on something you noticed in their bio or pictures (also, please don’t make this creepy, men, don’t tell us you like our body or something weird). Perhaps it’s an event they were at, a TV show they like, their job, anything. It shows you’re actually looking at what they’ve posted and are trying to make a genuine connection.
2. Take the conversation offline as SOON as possible! My now boyfriend asked me out the day after we matched. We went out the day after that. The only way you can really get to know someone is in person, so don’t delay it. If you’re having a good conversation, make plans! Ask for their phone number! Don’t delay it. I think that’s what makes it more difficult, is if you postpone meeting up or actually connecting outside of the app, people might lose interest, think you’re not serious, or even meet someone else on the app.
3. Be honest about what you want out of the app. Are you looking to meet new people? A casual hookup? A long-term relationship? I wanted something serious and I would always worry that I’d « scare someone off » if I was honest upfront. But don’t be. That can make or break it! Just be honest.
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Best of luck to you, friend! Don’t give up!
I’ve met several different women on Bumble, and then met a great woman on Okcupid (she messaged me first), so much so that we both deleted our profiles.
So, OLD does work and you will get out of it what you put into it.
I’ve always enjoyed the process, and dont expect too much from the start.