Dating : Dating in 2019 for men
What problems are you guys having?
Mine is no matter how much self-improvement I do it doesn’t change my dating life with women.
Rarely do I get dates. I’m muscular, well groomed, make decent money, 5ft7″, fairly confident.
What is everyone else doing to change this?
I’ve been feeling that women in 2019 are very flaky and flighty. I could be wrong but it seems from what I’ve been told, or what I see in movies and tv (I know this isn’t always accurate), a few decades ago women were mostly looking for relationships. Nowadays it feels like most girls only want something casual and as the guy I have to play it cool and act as unattached as possible.
I had a date with a great girl recently, and probably came on too strong and scared her off. Meanwhile, I’ve been watching Friends and based on the themes of the show, it seems like at the time it aired women had to play it cool and not scare the guy off.
I just wish people in general were more patient and willing to get to know somebody, even if they aren’t perfect. Usually the girls I go on dates with seem really really interested in me at first, and then it only takes a few small things for them to be turned off. I could be totally wrong here though, and it’s probably something I’m doing that is a turn-off.
I think a lot of people only compare themselves to other people when checking out the “competition”. But the reality of the modern world is that a lot of people’s biggest competitor isn’t other people but single life itself.
Someone who is dead set on staring a family will eventually settle or they’ll end up aging out.
But a person who okay with single life and the idea that they may never have their own children will likely never settle because they don’t have a reason to.
External pressure to settle down is at an all time low so more people are falling into that second category.
It seems like women these days around my age and younger are very flakey and never want to commit. I’ve had a few times recently where we would agree on a date then hours before we were supposed to meet I’d get a lame excuse that they couldn’t make it. After that I try to reschedule and the conversation would eventually die out.
I’ve had a couple other dates leaving me confused and disappointed where the girl tells me she didn’t feel a connection for a relationship or chemistry right after the first or second date when I thought things went pretty well.
Dating is very exhausting. I feel like I’ve been the one putting more of the effort into the conversation sometimes. I don’t know what caused people to behave this way but this needs to change. I’m at the point where I’m wondering if it’s time to delete the dating apps I use. If you’re a guy using online dating apps in 2019, just delete them or stop paying for their premium services because it likely doesn’t lead to much of an improvement.
My problem is focusing enough energy one one person to get a date from them. I talk to too many of them. Also its hard for me to find a girl that im really into.
No problems since about April when I completely gave the fuck up to just do my job and a few hobbies. I guess I have a little too much free time now so I occasionally get bored for an hour or whatever. That’s about the extend of the inconvenience though lol.
5’7 isnt great for a lot of women.
I’m 5’6 myself and some girls have turned me down for this
but do you work on your style?
Honestly I was a virgin until I worked on my style.
My problems now are slow responses and things not getting anywhere after a first date/hookup
You only need to grow like 7 or 8 inches taller.
Hey man!
Here’s the thing… it’s not just all about self-improvement, being well groomed, having a good job.
You actually have to know how to talk to women. You can be the best looking dude on the planet with the highest paying job but if you don’t know how to talk to women and create connection, desire & sexual tension, you’ll be seeing no results as well. Sure you might get a couple chicks because you’re incredibly good looking with a lot of money but those probably aren’t the girls you’d want to date.
Does that make sense? Hope that helped
If you wanna talk about this more or have any other questions, feel free to message me.
Jax
I’m scared of rejection from women because of #metoo I’m scared that they’re gonna call me a harasser for it and they’re gonna destroy me for it
Women are awful. That’s the problem.
Maybe this doesn’t apply to you, but it’s something I’ve (24F) noticed recently is that guys are being emotional a lot more. There are good and bad things with this.
Good: guys are feeling comfortable sharing their emotions and being vulnerable.
Bad: they’re dumping these issues onto (not always) complete strangers they asked for a date.
Obviously it’s different if the guy has a history with his date, but the complete stranger didn’t show up to be their therapist, they came for a good time out. As time goes on, it’s natural that the issues will be brought up. But putting your issues on a platter from the start and asking a stranger to accept it all without hardly knowing you is why so many ladies don’t want a second date.
Ghosting for sure. You go on a great date, kiss/cuddle/maybe even bang at some point, make future plans, and then they stop talking to you. You have no idea what you did wrong, and so you’re totally lost as to why and how you should change your approach for the next woman. Even if something I’m saying or doing is the problem, I have no way of knowing that. Rinse and repeat.
It doesn’t even take rocket science to tell them « its not working out. » For example, I recently dropped a woman because she was so immature to the point where it was irreconcilable (all she ever wanted to do was smoke pot and watch Tik Toks, and I rarely smoke and didn’t know what Tik Tok was until last July) and so I told her that she’s too young for me. It wasn’t harsh but it got the point across that I’m too damn old to be tolerating someone even THINKING about pulling their phone out on a date to watch glorified Vines and not fulfill the entire purpose of the date, which was to spend time with each other. But at least I told her what my issue was, unlike the women who dump me by sending sporadic texts about how busy they are until I stop hearing from them entirely.
I’m curious, what does “decent money” mean and have you gotten different results from mentioning versus not mentioning it to new dates?
Fellow 5’7 here. I turn my height disadvantage as a source of confidence. It’s about how you spin it without sounding insecure about it. I label my height in my profile to filter out those who have a requirement, but I also say something funny but not self deprecating like « 5’7 and I do not mind if you wear heels ». I’ve actually turned conversation around in my favor when they learn my height and seem disappointed.
Women have to many options now days instagram,snapchat and tinder. They can replace u in a second and Mr hot is only one swipe away. I have no interest in a relationship with todays women atm. It seems like every guy is getting cheated on or left for another man (who was in the background during the relationship).
I can get laid easily if i put in the effort but it honestly gets boring dealing with BS women throw at u so currently im more focused on escorts/prostitutes. I don’t have to deal with drama, small talk, flakey behavior and they are much hotter than the women i can pick up from the club, tinder and are often more nice to talk to.
I’m 5’11, white,muscular/lean and in my prime. If im having a problem i can’t image how hard it is for really short or fat guys.
No matter how hard you are hitting the gym, dressing well, meditating efficiently, and eating well at some point you need to open your mouth. I have out gamed plenty of guys way better looking than me (im attractive, but I live in hollywood where there’s always a prettier face) strictly because i know how to get a girl to invest in me and laugh, then seed a time to hang out.
You need to learn how to get her to invest in you and qualify herself to you even though you approached her. This can be done. But most of the advice on here is good but very vague.
You are probably reading a lot of self-development books but not applying it.
Before learning how to get a girl to invest in you, you need to know how to open well. I wrote an article on the best ways to open here: [https://thenexum.com/howtostartaconversation/](https://thenexum.com/howtostartaconversation/)
These four categories of openers will help you build a good foundation to the conversation, don’t let anyone tell you are too short, too fit, too anything. You need to work on your conversation skills, kino, etc. That is timeless and doesn’t matter if its 1919 or 2019 girls still want to meet a guy (assuming they are straight) that can make them laugh and have a great conversation.
What do I mean by a great conversation? Basically you talking very little and her talking a lot. You’ll notice people will think you are a great conversationalist but you have said almost 8 words the whole time. Obviously this is because everyones favorite topic is themselves, utilize that and you’ll be great.
I did have but I’m engaged now.
What I did was was be proactive and work on my conversation skills, approach game, conversed longer with women to see if there was chemistry in our conversation before taking them out on the first date. I use online dating as a tool to to increase my range of dating but I learned to meet women in public places and make feel more natural. I worked on my humor as well and my mindset towards the whole dating process.
Are you talking to girls?
I’m tall and well dressed, at least somewhat attractive, and in general I’m a pretty dynamic person. Because of this, I get a good deal of matches, and could probably swing a couple dates a week. The problem is that I am attracted to intelligent, classy women and I’m a bit rubbish. Recovering drug addict, felon, etc. And I’m good looking enough that a lot of women tend to look past this, but it seems the only ones who are into me on an intimate, romantic level are just not my type, or not women I’m attracted to.
I bring a lot of intensity to everything, and I don’t want to settle for anything but true passion. But it seems like a lot of girls are happy to sleep with me, but do not see me as boyfriend material. I’m in my early 30’s, btw, and I think lots of women are interested in men who are more conventionally « accomplished » than me, a broke artist with quite an extensive history of trouble.
Learn how to change adult diapers and understand the different dietary needs of senior citizens. Also you’ll have to speak louder because he might be hard of hearing. Try to be patient when he says « WHAT?? » all the time.