Dating : Deciding to Move On
So for the last couple of weeks, I’ve been going on « dates » with this girl that I had a huge crush on for months. We met in class and spent a whole quarter seeing each other pretty much daily (silently, and in lectures, of course), and over time I really developed a thing for her. We lost touch for a few months after that, but I recently reached back out to her because I had never quite gotten over the sense that I missed out with her.
At some point, however, I realized that I was really, in a sense, forcing myself to go after this girl. I’ve never had any dating experience before (I’m an 18 year old male in college), and I realized that the only reason I was really pushing myself to interact with her was just because I was desperate to « get into the game » and have some semblance of a relationship with someone just so I could say I had a « girlfriend ».
However, over the last weeks, I realized that our « dates » were not really dates in any sense of the word – they all felt extremely platonic. To add to that, I found that we had absolutely nothing in common – she even stated that she outright disliked some of the things that I was interested in, but I kinda laughed it off as a « well, I’m not THAT into it anyways… ». I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was really changing my personality and my identity just so this girl would think better of me, and in the end, I wasn’t actually being myself. To add to that, whenever I tried texting her to talk, the conversations died out fairly quickly, and each time I sent a message it was always 50/50 whether she would even respond.
I think the final straw was after our last « date » I asked her when she was free, and she told me she would text me. It had been close to a week and she had not texted me at all, and even when I asked how her day was hoping it would remind her she would answer with a quick « it was good » and end it there. But again, I kept trying and trying because I think all I wanted was just to trick myself into thinking « I’ve finally done it! I’m going to have a girlfriend! »
But I just can’t do it anymore. After taking a bit and really thinking about it – the overall prospects of this just aren’t strong at all, and there probably wasn’t even anything there to begin with. When I was around her she just didn’t seem a sparkling conversationalist in person or over text, we had nothing in common, and now she just won’t show any initiative – after all, it takes two to tango. Even if I kept hammering down and formed some sense of a « relationship » with this girl, I think in the end it wouldn’t last at all and be mostly loveless.
This may sound arrogant, but I really think I deserve better. It’ll be hard, of course, waiting for someone else to come along, but I think I just have to be patient until I can really find that special someone. I want to find a girl who I can not only call my girlfriend, but also a best friend, and I think that’s worth a bit more waiting. Plus, I’m 18. I think I’ve got a whole lot of time.