Dating : Developing an attachment to the wrong person
I just started my new job at the hospital last week and been training with this amazing guy who happened to be my preceptor. At first I was really nervous that I wouldn’t focus and that I would feel nervous with him because I did feel attracted towards him. However, I was actually able to separate my feelings and focus on the job. I did amazing with him and he continuously kept giving me great feedback. Ive learned a lot from him and broke walls that made me feel uncomfortable. I got out of my comfort zone with him in a lot of situations. However, I think along the way, I did develop feelings for him. When I was saying goodbye to him on the last day he was training me, I walked away feeling so heavy and sad. I hate to say this but I also actually have been crying a lot. I developed such high emotions for someone who will not be anything more than a work buddy. I don’t think I’m his cup of tea. I just have to break this attachment that I developed towards him. It’s all my fault. I don’t know how this happened. I feel like I’m in a whole mess of emotions
I feel that the attachment/type of comfort I had with him was something I lacked with all the people I’ve dated in the past. I don’t have any kind of romantic relationship with anyone in my life right now. What I had with him is something I lack in my life. Just the great/supportive person he is. The type of relationship I had with him is something that makes me thrive. I feel sad that he can’t be anything more. And I won’t even be able to see him that much anymore at work.
One more thing too, I did have an experience with a previous instructor who was very very toxic. She made me feel like I wasn’t enough and just made everything so challenging. But with him, my experience was the exact opposite. He made me feel the exact opposite my previous instructor made me feel. He made me feel like I was good enough and acknowledged my efforts.
That’s why I think he played a big role in this new stage of my life. I keep thinking of him and the memories we’ve made in the short period of time we worked together. It’s so hard wanting something you cannot have. It truly does feel like a heart break. It is a heart break that I created for myself.
First off, you did nothing wrong. You actually made an achievement. You find out what you « Need » instead of just what you « Want ». Now that you’ve identified that, it will make your future journey to find that special someone more clear.
I’m in the search myself and, in my experiences, I get lumped in with « most guys » instead of getting a chance to show that I’m not the Tinder Loser looking to get lucky. In all honesty, it’s why I hate OLD so much. Imho, it most just a Meat Market.
If you want, feel free to message me. At worst, we might end up friends with similar feelings about things. Either way, I wish you the best in your voyage forward to the next step in the process of finding a life mate.