Dating : Did I do the right thing?
Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing good.
So I (young adult male)went on a couple of dates with this girl(young adult. same age) I really like but tonight was the last straw. I normally always pick up tabs but I do enjoy it when the girl proposes to split the bill. (Bit hypocritical I know, I wouldn’t let her pay but I like it when they offer) Here is a little rundown of how the previous dates went:
1: We went to a restaurant and had dinner, everything was great. She proposed to split the bill. All good so far.
2: We went to another restaurant, had dinner, she proposed to split the bill, all good.
3: We went to the movies. She forgot her wallet in the car, no problem, I pay the tickets and we enjoy the movie.
4: We go to dinner, she again forgot her wallet in the car. Something ticks in my brain. I disregard it and we have a decent night
5: Dinner, again, wallet forgotten, it’s one of these places with paid parking where you pay depending on how long your car stayed in the parking lot. I take my parking ticket and put it in the machine then she just hands me hers like « here you go pay this too » motion. Getting on my nerves.
6: We go to the place we went to during 1st date. They changed some things on the menu. She yells at the waiter and is rude to him because the garlic bread is no longer 4 large pieces but 8 half-sized pieces. I hate it when people are rude to waiters.
7(last): We go to have lunch, her phone rings, she apologizes and says she has to answer, it’s her cousin who just arrived to the country. First it’s a quick hi how are you, glad you had a safe flight. Then they talk about the trip, then about movies, then about series, then about whatever. After around 10 minutes I just stood up and started walking away. She called me and asked me where I was going. I replied: « Ask your cousin to bring you cash to pay the bill, seems you forgot your wallet in your car again » And I left.
She’s called me 3 times so far but I just blacklisted her number on my phone. Did I do the right thing?
Yeah she sounds like just an overall rude person. You did the right thing man.
You probably should have said something early on after the second time she “forgot” her wallet. Lack of communication on your end. But she overall sounds like a rude person so it wasn’t a bad move.
Lol how the hell does someone just answer a phone call when they are on a date with someone. That’s like next level rude.
Definitely did the right thing. I offer to pay for the first date but second date is definitely a 50/50 but I’m Dutch so…
I mean if she doesn’t want to go on a date with me because it’ll cost her money then she isn’t into me.
I would have bailed on her after she was rude to the waiter. You were more patient. Propa to you for even putting up with her shit for so many dates mate.
Gave her a very valuable lesson. Good job! Gangsta!
Perfectly executed.
Between her saying « here you go pay this too » and treating customer service workers like crap you did the right thing. She’s garbage and you don’t deserve garbage.
Her behavior was not the best, but why did you not say anything before reaching your limit? Why not tell her from the first how you felt. The other person might not be doing it on purpose or know that they are doing something that upsets you. In all relationships communication and trust is key. Without it you have nothing and the relationship will fail. My advice is to speak your mind early on in the future. People can’t read minds. It’s only fair to the other person.
The whole wallet thing is a bit weird for someone to forget 3 times in a row… BUT if you always insist on paying from the start, it’s kind of weird that you expect her to propose splitting each and every time.
Yea I enjoy having a guy paying for my dinner, but I obviously don’t expect him to pay every time. But if he INSISTS every time that he will pay, I’m going to get tired of the whole « no i’ll pay » argument and I’ll just shut up, even though I still feel bad on the inside that someone else is paying for me. It’s always an awkward part of a date anyway.
I personally think it’s immature to just get up and walk away from a date unless they did something extremely offensive and horrid, but to each their own.
sounds like youve dodged quite the bullet!
Damn. You cold as ice.
I’m guessing you don’t have many other options with women at the moment 😉
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Be more frugal with your ***time***. Don’t waste it with women who aren’t that into you.
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I need to ask, when did you first kiss her?
sorry but I think it’s actually healthy to let the other person pay when they offer especially at the beginning of dating. that way you set the tone that you to either alternate pain or you will pay yourselves whatever you bought. but instead if you insist on paying even when they offer then what you do is you set the tone that you’ll be covering everything every time even if they offer so then they eventually quit offering
now that’s not the same thing as compelling you to pay for them such as the parking story but it is a case of getting into a routine where she becomes comfortable that you’re always going to pay for everything.
the phone call sounded like it lasted a long time since you listed several topics , but 10 minutes is not unreasonable.
however combined with other issues that you already were having with her I think you did just fine to end things
Yeah… Anyone who is rude to the waiter needs to go. I think you did the right thing.
Who paid on date #6?
I think you did the right thing. It would have been funny if you had excused yourself to use the bathroom, secretly paid for the meal and told your server to stop by the table as if you hadn’t, then when they came over you could look at her with alarm and say, « Oh my god, I forgot my wallet too! »
#5 should’ve been last and #6 was where you shouldn’t even have had the need to post here for any validation on your decision.
Nah, I’m going to say no.
She may have been rude and assuming too much, but the way you describe ducking out was childish.
My rule is to leave people better off. It wouldn’t have killed you to wait for her to finish the call then calmly explain how shitty it made you feel before excusing yourself. That might have helped her (and the next guy) instead of just leaving her confused.
Lmao
Yep!
Next time, let her pay.
Yes you did the right thing.
I think you did the right thing
She must have been hot if you saw her for seven dates. *Seven dates.* The most dates I’ve been on with somebody is six.
If the right thing is no longer investing your time with such a person, then yes, you did the right thing.
I was getting ready to tell you that you should have let her help pay on the second date…then I saw the waiter part. Run! She’s crazy
Nice, sign of approval assuming what you said were true.
Yup.
She called you 3 times. Wow, she really wanted you to pay the bill
On #5 I woulda been like « Aw, me too! » then done something as a distraction before paying my part and leaving. I think she’s a *liar* – if not she’s kinda scummy. You let her disrespect you time and time again, but at least you know how she is now. Some lessons are worth the extra cash, provided you learned something and apply it to your future.
I liked that you left. If it had been me, I probably wouldn’t have replied to her and left without a word, doing what you did. (cutting her off completely) Although I do like what you said. She was being very disrespectful towards you and it was getting worse. You did the right thing.
Absolutely bro! I would’ve done the same thing no doubt
DITCH THAT GIRL. You dodged a bullet.
Yeah she is obviously a very entitled and rude person. It would of likely just gotten worse
Glad to see you didn’t let yourself to be used as an ATM.
You did nothing wrong.
You did right and wrong at the same time. If you was going to leave at the end which I think you did wrong(but hey everyone would have got « angry » about her doing the things she did to you and left her) you should have called her out from the very beginning or on the second time she forgot her wallet. You shall have standards man.
I think when she saw she could run over you like that she didn’t see you like a real man. Crazy right ? but women think like that from my experience.
Don’t take what I say 100%, still newbie
Maybe call her back. And explain to her why you left. And if she is understandable then its all good for you nothing to loose
My opinion on this is that you can’t expect her or any woman to keep offering and you declining to split but then eventually expect her to split because that’s just confusing. Some guys like to pay, and are offended by women offering to split (a guy once told me to stop embarrassing him) so I would probably stop kicking up a fuss after the second time.
But that said, forgetting the wallet one too many times to the point is seems intentional, being rude to others and not respecting your time is another issue. I think you lacked some communication skills and was perhaps somewhat passive aggressive but sometime you have to set your standard for the behaviour you don’t tolerate and remove yourself.
Nah, that’s perfectly acceptable.
You tried dude, that’s all you can do.
She seems rude as fuck.
Only Add: I would have went back to the restaurant later to make certain they were paid and tipped. This covers your ass in case things went really sour.
I’m going to play the opposite side and likely get beat up for it.
No. We could have handled the situation better. I’m not saying what she did is okay, especially #6– that would piss me off too. BUT you are responsible for communicating your thoughts and feelings. We are responsible for your own happiness and romantic fulfillment, and we have to do all we can to meet those ends. Otherwise we give others control over them.
When you notice the “forgotten wallet” trend, it’s on you to talk about it before jumping to a conclusion. (I went through the same thing with my gf, and now she rushes to pick up the check when it’s hurt turn.) Same thing with the cousin thing. Wait, be patient, then talk about it. If you talk about it, and discover she is truly a rude, selfish lover, then yeah, walk away. But don’t do so until you’ve invested all you can to make it work.
I think she purposefully forgot her wallet,haha. So you could pay everything.
I also feel like men should pay the first few dates then y’all can split the bill or so when y’all have gotten to know each other.
She could have apologized for taking the call, spoke briefly then get back to you, it’s a date. Come on man.
Being rude to strangers/servers/waiters is a massive red flag. And based on what you explained, she had absolutely no reason to react the way she did.
So yes, you dodged a bullet, she probably saw that you were nice guy and was gonna take advantage of the situation.
Also, communicate. Communication is so important. I feel like your mind was already made up that you were leaving, so explaining what drove you there wouldn’t have been much.
Keep her on the blocked list.
All the best!
HAHA epic move
Yes.
You totally did. The facade was crumbling fast. Huge red flag to me would be the waiter thing. Anyone who is rude to public servants or staff of hotels/restaurants is trash in my book
You want her to offer to pay but you say no? After the first 3 attempts to help pay why should she keep on asking? That doesnt make sense. You just want her to keep asking to pay half every time you go out?