Dating : Do girls I’m dating really expect me to text them everyday? What do I talk about?

Dating : Do girls I’m dating really expect me to text them everyday? What do I talk about?

So I got back into dating a few months ago and it started off great. Downloaded tinder/other apps, got a bunch of numbers and snapchats. I’ve been watching a lot of various dating coaches and forums and came to the conclusion that texting is really just meant for logistics. I’m a 23M and I’ve dated/hooked up before, but I’ve never been in a long term relationship. Back in college it seemed like I could meet a girl at a bar, hook up, text her or whatever like a few days to a week later and all would be cool. Now it seems like If I’m not talking to the girl everyday, she loses interest. I recently just stopped seeing a girl who did seem pretty into me. After our second date, I didn’t want to over-pursue/seem needy so i waited a few days to initiate contact and set up another date. She went cold on me so I asked what’s up and she told me that she really values communication and that we never had that, so she lost interest. She also made it clear that she didn’t appreciate me ONLY texting her to set up dates and she indicated that I should have been texting her throughout the day…My pessimism tells me that she actually just found another guy she likes better than me and this is just a lame excuse, but it did seem odd that she seemed very interested after the second date and just a few days later it was gone. I told her I would text her more but she seemed to have made up her mind and ghosted me. If any girl is reading this, be honest with me, do you think she actually would give up on me that easily if not texting enough was the only reason? Her interest couldn’t have been that high in me if that was the only thing that pushed her away, so I think anyway. I also just hate texting anybody when theres nothing to talk about. The standard « hey » « whats up » just seems like a waste of time for both people involved. I also feel like I’ve lost a handful of other girls from dating apps by not texting enough or building rapport in the beginning, but IDK it’s hard to tell if thats the reason or they were just not that into me from the get-go. It is weird how I can be talking to a girl one day and she seems very interested, then just a few days or a week without contacting her the interest is gone.


TLDR; Do younger girls (19-23) really want me to be contacting them every day? What do I talk about without being boring/repetitive? Is this really enough for them to lose interest in me or are there likely other reasons?

Read also  Dating : I don’t get it? I’m confused.

What do you think?

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  1. Girls appreciate knowing that your thinking about them and makes them feel wanted. You don’t have to text all day every day but maybe a text at some point see how work or college whatever was.
    If you get on though once you start texting you’ll find things to say and the conversation will flow

  2. I’d assume you’re not interested if you don’t text close to once a day. Even if it’s just a picture like “what is this” or “this remind me of what we were talking about the other day!”

  3. I’m 24 and honestly, it varies for everyone but for me, some form of communication daily is really reassuring. It doesn’t have to be lengthy conversations every day. But just checking in and talking briefly about our days is really appreciated.

  4. Personally I’m not a much of a texter/snapchatter. Getting frequent messages tires me out and (like you) I run out of things to say and often dry out conversation when it drags on for too long. Getting the occasional text from the person I’m interested in is always nice, but I appreciate that he’s not texting me all the time, every day.
    TL;DR – It’s a person-by-person thing that you should communicate about with your partner. 🙂

  5. 24F. I personally like it when guys text me everyday. It tells me that they are interested and they are willing to put in effort. I look for consistency and if a guy doesn’t give me attention or his time I assume he is not interested and I move on accordingly. Currently talking to a guy rn via online dating and he always initiates the texting conversation, I never text first. It’s a green flag for me and it pushes him up the queue among the rest of the guys I am casually talking to. But again, every girl is different! Best of luck have fun with it 🙂

  6. I would say a good rule of thumb would be if you have another date set up still text her at least once a day, can be brief but just something. If you don’t have anything set up then show more interest over text because otherwise she’s going to think you’re the one playing games and everyone wants to win the game, so ultimately she’s going to be the one to ghost or cut things off because she thought it was going to happen to her/you’re not that interested (even if it’s not the case). You’re better off leaving a girl hanging most of the day and then texting her once or twice if you’re worried about coming off clingy, because then it shows you’re interested but it’s still a chase for her. Games suck, I know, but it’s just how online shit usually works.

  7. Some expected but if you don’t do it then don’t do it and then just find the ones who are ok with that.

    At the same time when you say texting everyday , it could mean as little as 30 minutes a day , or it could mean all day long so you’d have to figure out that kind of balance also.

  8. I text maybe teice a day if I’m in a relationship. Tell him I’m good and my day is going good. He’ll ask how I am and I’ll ask how he is

  9. For one, they want to know you’re interested in them. Can’t demonstrate that if you don’t contact them. For two, in the time leading up to the next date, you should be getting to know each other a bit. Ask about her day, tell her about yours, that sort of thing. Nothing too deep at first, just light banter. Toss a few emojis or a funny meme her way if you can’t think of anything clever to say.

  10. I’m 20 and I get that people are busy so texting isn’t a big thing for me. I also hate the whole texting marathon thing and texting 24/7 seems weird & clingy. However, if we go a whole week without talking (in between dates/hang outs for example) then I’ll start to take that as a sign that they’re not thinking of me when I’m not around them. Of course the phone goes both ways. But a text here and there (every few days) like a “how’s your week been?” or something (not just a “hey”) is perfect. If we’re hanging out more often like twice a week or so then I don’t expect a lot of texting aside from that

  11. If you are not seeing each other every day a text should be sent every day unless you are knee deep in some kind of emergency or got lost hiking. It could be a simple « hey! I hope you are having a great day! » Also, if you have nothing to say… get a hobby or something. There is always something to talk about.

  12. Girls in general all want to text constantly in my experience. It’s incredibly boring and i can’t stand it either. I’d rather just spend time with someone IRL or have a 5 min conversation than spend hours writing. tedious texts.

  13. It’s reassuring to know our s/o wants to talk to us or thinks about us through the day. It can also be a way to show you remember her interests. Say she really likes a certain actor, if that actor pops up in the news send her the link and ask her if she’s seen it yet! Or say she’s a big dog person, send her a picture of a cute dog you saw at a red light that day or tell her about it! Yes it’s tedious but every time we see a notification with your name on it we get excited!

  14. I’m 22 and I wouldn’t think a guy is super interested in me if he didn’t text me once every day or two, even just to ask how I’ve been or to share some tidbit from his day.

  15. Texting everyday isn’t over eager. It’s fine.

    It’s bad when you reply within minutes to all of her messages and if you expect her to do the same.

  16. If you don’t have anything to say, or don’t want the conversations to be too repetitive you can always send memes back and forth! Personally I love getting memes and I think it’s great when I’m able to laugh and joke with someone else about random things. It takes pressure off the conversation and you don’t seem to needy or pushy because you’re just sending something you thought the other person would appreciate. Then it usually leads into a conversation when thy respond to it. Personally I think it’s important to talk everyday just to show that you’re still interested and you Carr about how their day went and what they’re up to. Women like to feel cared for and it’s better to send a text and face coming off “needy” then to not talk and then they think you’re not interested in them anymore or you’re just talking to them when you’re bored or when it’s convenient for you.

  17. My boyfriend is a shitty texter. He asked me out and I wasn’t sure if he wasn’t into me because he wouldn’t reply sometimes, but he just didn’t know what to say and he also hates always being on his phone. He made it very clear from the beginning and I know it well by now.

    Point is, be yourself, don’t text too much if you don’t want to, or do it if you feel like it, just explain it to the girl from the beginning so she knows you’re not just blowing her off. If she likes you for who you are she won’t expect you to change your dating habits for her. Just be friendly and text to connect more than to stay in constant to communication. Take it easy and have fun so you don’t overthink it.

  18. If you’re dating, you should have a bit of a rapport. While you don’t have to talk all day, I think it’s normal to talk every day, which obviously should be easy if you’re dating her. If it’s not easy to talk about things, then why are you even dating?

  19. I’m 23F and yes I like when the man I’m dating texts me pretty often.

    While I don’t like to text, its really nice knowing he’s interested in me. If he doesn’t text me for a few days and hits me up here and there, I think it’s cause he’s not interested but was so bored so he reluctantly texted me and that I’m not his first choice.


    Is this messed up kinda? Yes. Is this right? No…

    but its just kinda the truth if im being honest with u.

    At least from my perspective *shrug*

  20. pro tip, if someone wants you to contact them regularly, its rarely about you and more about them. Just ask questions and let them do the talking. Men can be naturally quite good listeners.

  21. 26F and I haaaaaaate endless texting. I don’t want to text you just to text you. Especially in the getting to know you part of things. If we talk about every single thing over text then what the hell are we supposed to talk about when we see each other? That being said, I do really appreciate, for lack of a better way to put it, “thinking about you” texts. Talking about a funny thing that just happened or sending a meme or anecdote that relates to something you talked about previously. Texting can be fun and flirty when it’s organic and genuine. Constant texting for the sake of it is unnecessary and imo too much stress on the relationship.

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